Reassure me - what's the worst thing your DCs have said in public?

[bethylou]

Whilst feeding DS2 (11 weeks) early this morning, DS1 (2.1years) was watching the Tweenies and the characters were pinching each other. He and I chatted about how pinching is naughty etc..

We went to the post office at lunchtime where he proceeded to lie on the floor screeching, "Don't pinch me Mummy!" at the top of his voice (because I had intervened in his attempts to empty a huge display of cotton reels). I obviously wasn't pinching him and hopefully people could see that, but it sounded as if that is what I usually do.

Reassure me that your DCs have said similarly embarrassing things. I wanted the ground to swallow me up, said, "I would never pinch you sweetheart," and left as quickly as a toddler, 11 week old and mum can do!!

My sister - aged 4 at the time - was asked at church "what's your daddy's name?" She replied "Uncle Keith"!!!

She'd only ever heard my cousins calling my dad by his name!

Whilst handing a bottle of wine to a cashier, ds (5) says "mummy likes alcohol, my mummy's an alcoholic".
I would like to point out i rarely drink.

In a packed lift with my DDs and DD1, who was about 4 yo,let out a really loud burp.

Me: "what do you say?" (expecting her to say pardon me)

DD1 (very proudly) "cor that was a good one wasn't it?"

Cue lots of from the people in the lift and me all at my failed attempt at teaching manners.

DD2, aged 5, in museum shop, going to pay for her postcard. Very tall (and v obviously transvestite) woman on the till. DD2:

"Excuse me?"

Woman bends down, smiling, as DD2 is proffering postcard and money.

"Are you, or did you used to be, a man?"

DH and I cowered behind the books and didn't hear a reply!

dd age 3 to granny where is the adult magazine daddy reads in the toilet ? after muchembarrassment all round dd explains the one with all the christmas presents in . she had been looking for the argos catalogue!

Haystack - love that one! Reminds me of my friend's sister (who apparently) in the middle of a really long sermon - stood up on the church pew and shouted "shut UP" (well everyone else was thinking it!)

I was cut up really badly by a white van driver and blurted "knobsock!!" ... and then from the back seat (DD 18 months old) came "SOCK!!!" [the relief ... partly]

Oh and my friend didn't think she swore much in the car until someone else hooted their horn and her son shouted "wanker!"

DD1 (2 at the time):

Going past the cheese counter in Waitrose -"What's that smell, Mummy? Have you done a fart?"

To the seagulls on the beach:
"Go away Mr Seagull. Go away. BUGGER OFF!"

oh i am pmsl @ 'Daddy, stop fiddling with me!'

oh yes, the car ones dd (3 at the time) and I were watching a lady try to park her car in a smallish space.. (we were waiting to go past, in summer so all windows open)

dd: 'OH. MY. GOD. mummy, you could put a jumbo jet in there couldn't you?' 'she's taking the piss!' 'HURRY UP WOULD YOU!'

another one..

dp was driving and someone tried to cut him up and then repeatedly acted stupid trying to overtake us, dp just zoomed off and they got stuck behind another car

me: 'haha suckers'

dd: yea motherfuckers!!'

we were like this

DD (aged 2) in public toilets v loud, sweet voice:

"Mummy you got blood?"

"Mummy, you got spiders on your lady bits..."

oh yes and now I come to think of it.
DD (aged 1ish) to any single man on the bus -
"Daddy" - sure I'm not alone in that one...

and DNephew (20months) to HV during a home visit to make sure DD and DN should not be put on any registers uttered only 2 words.

"Fock" - he had just dropped a 'frog' followed by
"Pissin?" - whilst trying to find the little 'person' he had just been playing with.

I did attempt to explain...

another one my ds answered the phone, he was about 7 and shouted down the phone..."stupid bloody sales people"
I managed to retrieve the phone and it was the school nurse wanting to make a home visit btw ds has adhd

DS has problems pronouncing F's, they come out more like a 'Sl' sound (he's only 3)

Imagine my mortification when, after being given a flag at a day out and being very excited about it, he runs round our (completely surrounded, suburban) garden yelling "Mummy flag, Mummy flag" over and over at the top of his voice!

We all thought DS1 was making cute little chicken sounds when he was about 26 months... until I was rushing to get to toddler group running around going.....

buggerbuggerbuggerbugger.... you get the picture!!

His first word was car btw!!! (phew!)

Years ago I was in Smiths with my 'every other weekend' stepkids. We were looking for presents for DH for Christmas so it was PACKED. SS who was about 4 or 5 at the time spotted a football annual with the players on the front lined up for a free kick all covering their balls, as they do.

He said EXTREMELY loudly.

Look M, Why is that man is holding his VAGINA??

I could only guess he had overheard his Mum telling his bigger sisters the proper anatomical name and thought it applied to lads too

But I nearly died.

DD has only ever said it in private (but I realised that she was mimicking me).

Thankfully she was only just talking.

Her version was "oy flick it's ship on a strip".

But I knew I had to moderate my language (in the car) when she called out "tosser" crystal clear.

I've got tears rolling down my face, these just get funnier & funnier

some have reminded me of a few more of DDs

On a back train heading North to visit family, I rang DH on my mobile......only to hear DD, then 2, 1/2 announce very loudly to a packed train, Mummy is trying to find Daddy, he'll be in the pub, he's always in the pub drinking too much beer, Mummy can never find him........que sympathetic looks all round ........ & its not true

Another pretty scary one at about the same age... in front of MIL....thankfully her, & not my own Mum

"Mummy, Daddy doesn't really go to work you know" he really goes to see other Pretty Ladies "

poor sod was working his socks off at the time, & when I asked DD later why she lied about Daddy, she owned up to it been because she thought I would be cross & stop him going to work, as she missed him

No idea where she even got the idea for that one from

Wow, I have been sitting here with tears streaming down my face, unable to speak and poor DD asking - are you laughing and crying, Mummy?!!!

Fabulous - this is what they should make a book out of; it'd be a bestseller!!!

MrsRhettButler Fri 07-May-10 00:46:21
oh yes, the car ones dd (3 at the time) and I were watching a lady try to park her car in a smallish space.. (we were waiting to go past, in summer so all windows open)

dd: 'OH. MY. GOD. mummy, you could put a jumbo jet in there couldn't you?' 'she's taking the piss!' 'HURRY UP WOULD YOU!

Out of the mouths of babe - I have tears rolling down my face...

Thanks guys....

(Blooming flowers - I need more help with yours, clearly my phonetics aren't up to scratch??)

this ain't spoken but the humiliation was there!

I was hosting a neighbourhood watch scheme in our house and half way through my dd toddled in wearing a pair of my worn knickers on her head soiled gusset outwards

My ds topped this feat by pulling his pants down whilst we were queuing in the building society to show me a poo sticking out of his bumhole

argghhhh

Sons friend in cinema shouting across foyar , "Can I have a large tub of cock porn!"

Husband not listening (as usual!) "salty or sweet????"

Yuk!

Friends of my parents were at a nativity play last year to see their grandson (about 4yrs old at the time). He had really wanted to play Joseph from the beginning but had been given the part of the Innkeeper. Anyway, he seemed to have gotten over his disaapointment.

On the night of the play Joseph & Mary knock on the door of the inn to ask for a room, the Innkeeper opened the door and said (at the top of his voice) "Fuck Off Joseph".

ooohhhhh ! the little devil BZZBEE . . imagine the parents faces OMG

i never in all my days expected to hear my daughter utter the immortal phrase ' mummy my marble's lost in my 'gina'.

How do you respond to that?