Reassure me - what's the worst thing your DCs have said in public?

[bethylou]

Whilst feeding DS2 (11 weeks) early this morning, DS1 (2.1years) was watching the Tweenies and the characters were pinching each other. He and I chatted about how pinching is naughty etc..

We went to the post office at lunchtime where he proceeded to lie on the floor screeching, "Don't pinch me Mummy!" at the top of his voice (because I had intervened in his attempts to empty a huge display of cotton reels). I obviously wasn't pinching him and hopefully people could see that, but it sounded as if that is what I usually do.

Reassure me that your DCs have said similarly embarrassing things. I wanted the ground to swallow me up, said, "I would never pinch you sweetheart," and left as quickly as a toddler, 11 week old and mum can do!!

[hjtunny]

love this thread, I'm 18 wks pg and can't wait for when I'll be able to share my little one's little gems!

[AGreenie]

*dsis not ds!

[AGreenie]

When we were 3 or 4, my sis and I had our own mugs - mine had a pears soap logo and my ds had the gingernut biscuit logo.
One day, my dad had a colleague round for a meeting. Said colleague had rather striking ginger hair. My ds and I were taken to get ready for bed then came downstairs to say goodnight. My dad and colleague were drinking tea. I saw that he was drinking from my ds cup and said - ' you've got gingernuts' meaning the cup - they laughed! My dad still reminds me 30 + years later!

[foxy6]

Lovemyoj Do u know u?
I was just about to post the same about My ds .
Also we live in a small town not many coloured people and its not so much what ds said but the look on his face at the sight of a rather bog coloured man ok his first trip to relatives in london.
Along with the usual comments about fat people.

[bubbles1231]

Had just explained the facts of life to DS when he was quite small. He then said, "You know when the seed comes out of your willy? Does it hurt?"
Trying not to snigger I told him, no, to which he said with a shudder "Oh, I'm never doing THAT!"

Other DS on spotting a rather large coloured lady "She looks like a Malteser"

[BellaOfTheBalls]

This has just made me cry laughing. Much needed on the night from hell with teething toddler.

DS1 has always been a chatterbox and honestly I have lost count of the number of times I've been mortified in public. One recent one however. We had a fridge & a washing machine delivered by 2 guys, one was Asian and the other black. DS1 was almost 4. They argued the entire time they were in our house, it was rather uncomfortable so I was hiding in the kitchen with DC's. DS1, loudly & within earshot:
"I want to go and watch Cbeebies Mummy."
"You can go & watch Cbeebies that's fine"
"No mummy I don't want to go near that black man. And his friend isn't much better."

I was mortified. Luckily they took it rather well.

[gingernutbiscuits]

DIED reading this!! So gutted it is over!

[Naysa]

When I was younger I was asking my mum if I could watch "You bastard". She told me off and explained that it was a naughty word. Next time we watched The Lion King I started saying it again, she realised I meant Mufasa

Another time we were outside a shop and my mum jokingly said something along the lines of "the only way to stop Naysa running off is to break her legs" tgo my Granddad. Cue lots of crying and screams of "PLEASE Mummy don't break my legs!"

My cousin has mild SN and didn't understand that some comments can upset people. We were in a hospital lift visiting a relative and the lift stopped at our floor, she happily chimed "All the old people out first. (points at old lady) That means you"

Bonfire night just gone my OH was meeting my family and we were talking about their dog eating underwear, she then exclaimed that their dog likes to eat sanitary towels. My dad had to leave the room for blushing

[freddiefrog]

DD1 - we were walking through a local shopping centre holding hands when all of a sudden she starts screaming 'nooo, don't hurt me mummy, please don't hurt me'

DD2 - dropped her milkshake in McDonalds and said 'oh bollocks' really loudly

DD2 again, we used to have a convertible and one hot day when the was roof down someone cut us up at some traffic lights. Bit further on the road turned into 2 lanes and we were stopped in traffic beside the cutter-upper. DD leans out of the car and shouts 'you stupid WANKER' at the top of her voice

[FTRsMammy]

• know not no! Appalling grammar

[FTRsMammy]

When I was 3/4 I fell over in my grandparents garden and grazed my face, I was on the bus and a lady said to me "what a pretty girl you are but what have you done to your lovely face?" Me ( all big brown eyes and blonde ringlets) "my mammy did it!" my poor mammy nearly dislocated my shoulder dragging me off the bus!

DS when he was about 2.5 as my DH put him in the trolly at Asda shouted " noooo daddy don't toouuuccchhhh meeeee" grr pretended I wasn't with them!

A friend if mine was at Sainsbury's with her DS age 3 who suddenly shouted "mummy! Jesus is alive! Ooh can we have some Dunkers?"

Oh and my cousin (20 and should really no better) had taught my DS to say " boo ya " when he's pleased with himself about something

[InSearchOfSunrise]

In a very quiet hospital waiting room, dd (3) thought out loud:

'Mummy, is that a woman or a man???'

Everyone turned to stare at the very manly looking lady sat two seats away from us.


'I think it's a man. It's a man! It's a man!'

[StaceymReadyForNumber3]

DD aged about 2 to man working in tesco (more embarrasing for him than me apparantly)

'Daddy!!!'
'I'm not!!!!!!'
surely if anyone knows he's not it's me!

And the obligatory 'mummy I thought it was only ladies who had babies in their tummies?' pointing at a larger man!

[Ilovedaintynuts]

My DS when he was about 6 came out of some public toilets and announced to a crowded cafe "uncle Tom showed me his willy in the toilet".
I was mortified, especially for my poor brother, as DS was going through a stage of asking male relatives who took him to the toilet if he could see their willies

[thepuddingchef]

On the very crowded beach last week, dd said while running over towards me...'mummy, I just did a wee in that puddle' (tide was coming in thank god) cue me looking completely mortified, I didn't know where to look

[zookeeper]

ds,11, in the queue at WHsmith this week. Loudly.

"WHAT'S SADOMASOCHISTIC SEX?"

[FutureNannyOgg]

DS1 at 22 months called all musical instruments drums, except he pronounced it "bum".
We live in a town full of crusty buskers, and every time we passed one he would shriek excitedly "look mummy, a bum! Bum! Bum! "

[liveinazoo]

i think i may have posted this before and although it was 14yr ago when eldest dd was 3 i still feel slight surge of panic when behind a "larger" lady in a queue

dd1 said in a very loud voice as we queued in safeway" does that lady in front of us have a baby in her tummy..or does she just eat lots of big dinners


cue a ripple of snickering,me and the lady in question going scarlet and a strong urge to crawl into a hole and never come out

having had 3 more dcs since then there have been plenty more but that remains the most mortifying in the zoo house

[Olympicpark]

highlander how completely funny!!!!!!
My dd, undid every button on my shirt when we were waiting at our local pub for a drink, had no idea till all the men at the bar started laughing. Unbelievably I had my only nice bra on.

[TeaBrick]

3 year old ds: fuckinell, fuckinell, FUCKINELL!!

[fatheroffour]

My parents took our two eldest boys on holiday to Germany to visit my brother and his wife. Whilst there, they went to visit a theme park called Fantasialand. My eldest (7) spotted a group of four muslim ladies in the full burkas etc and in a loud voice proclaimed:

"Look Uncle Al, ninjas!"

My bro was pissing himself, sis-in-law was mortified.

[idococktailshedoesbeer]

My DN (3) declined the offer of more food at her GM's house by saying: "Mummy says I'm not to have that otherwise I'll get fat like you".

My sis's MIL, a typically Italian nonna who cooks mounds of food and is admittedly rather large, didn't speak to her for weeks.

[Bambino81]

MIL came to stay last week and bought DH a t-shirt which was a picture of garfield laying in bed and the word "slacker" writen underneath. DD took one look, cracked up laughing and told everyone for the rest of the day that he was a slacker in bed. >.

[DollyBantry]

We were staying in a v posh hotel in Scotland (with famous golf course) and DH had popped off to the loo while we waited in Reception. DS aged 3 was looking around for him and suddenly pointed and shouted "Daddyyyy!!" really loudly at a man walking towards us ... it was actually the golfer Colin Montgomerie, who legged it out of the hotel very quickly while I turned crimson and everyone else in the reception area wet themselves.

DS also enjoys asking me if the person on the checkout is a man or a woman. Very loudly. Every time we go to the supermarket

[lisaro]

Before I got married I took my 6 year old nephew out frequently. Once he very loudly asked me in the middle of Macdonalds when I was going back to prison. It was my job!