Reassure me - what's the worst thing your DCs have said in public?

[bethylou]

Whilst feeding DS2 (11 weeks) early this morning, DS1 (2.1years) was watching the Tweenies and the characters were pinching each other. He and I chatted about how pinching is naughty etc..

We went to the post office at lunchtime where he proceeded to lie on the floor screeching, "Don't pinch me Mummy!" at the top of his voice (because I had intervened in his attempts to empty a huge display of cotton reels). I obviously wasn't pinching him and hopefully people could see that, but it sounded as if that is what I usually do.

Reassure me that your DCs have said similarly embarrassing things. I wanted the ground to swallow me up, said, "I would never pinch you sweetheart," and left as quickly as a toddler, 11 week old and mum can do!!

Carrotgirl - you reminded me- my dd (aged 3) used to tantrum regularly if we were on our way home, say from dropping brother at school, or from playgroup etc and if I picked her up to expedite matters she would yell at the top of her voice " This woman's not my mother!"

Also , on the bus with ds aged 4 who had recently had chicken pox. On gets a hooded youth (about 17)

• with acne, who sits opposite us (knees touching you know the seats i mean)"Look Mummy,

that little boy's had chicken pox too!"

DD aged 2 and a bit when we were in a family changing cubicle at the pool

"why does daddy have a pony tail on his bottom?"

cue snorts from the next door room! I was not a MNer back them but I wonder whether there was a thread about it from the mum next door

BulletProofMum - we had a similar experience in Evans in Bluewater. Ds1 and ds2 were in the double buggy, when ds1 stood up, whipped his trousers down and announced in ringing tones; "Look - my wee wee is UP!"

I have to confess that I ran away went to the till to pay for my dress, and left dh to deal with it - I felt I didn't have the right experience or skill-set to cope!

Going to school, she on scooter, me lagging behind due to only walking.

DD: "If you moved a bit faster mummy you could get some of that weight shifted"

Thanks, dear.

Mine is similar to ladyblablah's... My youngest who was 3 at the time (and has the most squeakiest voice which carries for miles, think alvin the chipmunk.) Pipes up on seeing a man with dwarvism 'mummy look, look one of santa's elves.'

Oh Ive just remembered a classic

my parents had a dog called Bomber, a big black labrador

visiting them in south london one day, we pop out with youngest DC in buggy to the local supermarket

DC sees a black ladrador and shouts "Look mummy, theres a Bomber! Look a bomber, granny, look over there, a bomber!"

I was embarrassed and PMSL at the same time

Remembered another one. Visiting neighbours for first time . ( elderly couple) Sitting in lounge having a cuppa . Their dog comes in. Ds (7) pipes up " hello doggy, have you just been for a w.." The lady interrupts " NO! don't say the 'w' word, he'll go mad " Cue ds " what, wanker? "

Luckily they saw the funny side....

we were at the zoo and i asked the boys where they wanted to go next. they replied 'the buggery' (meaning bug house - obv) and ran off going 'buggery buggery' full blast.

i was actually quite proud of them.

On the receiving end.....

I was in supermarket without the kids and queued up for the loo (can't think why it was so busy!!) anyway there were only 2 cubicles and when it was my turn I went in and there was the biggest jobby I have ever seen blocking the whole bowl UGH!

Didn't know what to do tho, it seemed really childish to come out again and wait for the other cubicle with all these people waiting etc etc so went for it anyway...........yuk.....anyway it would not flush away so in the end I sidled out and a woman went in with her little daughter.

Started washing my hands (still a queue) and the little girl goes really loudly LOOK MUMMY THAT LADY HAS DONE THE MOST ENORMOUS POO!! then I could hear the mum trying to shut her up.

Wanted the ground to swallow me up but also wanted to say loudly, 'it wasn't me! it was already there' lol

I just slunk out instead! so

dh has a terrible habit of swearing without realising and ds picks up on this

one time someone cut me up on a roundabout - cue ds in the back shout stupidfuckingwoman (all one word) he though you said it when you wanted to shout 'watch out'

another time in the back on the childminders car they little girl with him has nodded off. ds wanted to chat so said 'wake up XXX', she didn't wake so he tried again 'wake up XXX' a little louder. still nothing. At the top of his voice 'for fucks sake XXX wake up!'

cm was trying so hard not to laugh when she told me - she did ask him to repeast it as she didn't believe what she'd heard -

DS, when asked what noise a dog makes shouted 'FAAAARK'

My ds is profoundly deaf........he didnt learn to speak till he was seven. He used to try and say Mother and it came out as Bugger. Cue lots of embarassment in libraries, shops etc when a little voice pipes up "BUGGER" very loudly!!!

We went to the seaside when our ds was 2. He had trouble pronouncing some words. He said 'bitch' for beach. Hence whenever we went near the beach he shouted 'bitch' and pointed madly. Women walking by gave us some dirty looks. We were in hysterics!

Not had the pleasure of this from DD as at only 7 months all we have had is dadadadada

BUT me as a 3 year old, marching (that's right MARCHING) through Marks singing at the top of my lungs "ONE TWO THREE JESUS LOVES ME" as if this wasn't enough to make my Mum I then pointed out all the people who would go to Hell.

I didn't go back to Sunday School for a while after that!

Puddytats that is one of the funniest things I have ever read on MN!

DS1 used to frequently yell 'Help! HEEEEEELLLLLP!' in public whenever I wanted him to do something which wasn't quite to his liking. I got loads of looks from people who I'm sure suspected I was trying to kidnap him!

He also makes up his own words and was shouting Backy Backy but the B sounded more like a P Oh and my lovely DNs (11 and 13) have taught both boys to shout 'Buddha' at the top of their lungs frequently

I should just stay home.

One of those 'Thanks, CBeebies' moments was when Boogie Beebies had a dance called the Bug A Lug Lug. I mean FFS! There must have been DC all over the country singing 'BUGGER BUGGER LUG!' at the tops of their voices on stations, in Sainsburys, etc.
It can't just have been mine, can it?

Another public toilet story - two cubicles and a queue, ds sits thoughtfully on the loo and listens to the waterfall next door: 'Cor, shes doing loads of wee mum'
Cue sniggers - from the queue, spasmodic silence from the next cubicle

Not what DD (21 mths) said, but did...

I was pretending that I understood what the plumber was telling me about why the boiler wasn't working, when DD scooted round the corner on her trike wearing Mummy's skimpiest G-string proudly on her head, and sat there watching us trying to keep straight faces.

I went into Tesco with ds2 and was desperate to go for a poo anyhow had to take ds into the loo with me as he was 2 and didnt want to leave him out of the cubilcle...

and you can guess the rest

all he kept saying out loud was "hey mummy are you having a poo"

Sshh "yes dear

"oh IT STINKS"

and the toilets were packed

DS isn't 20 months yet so thought I'd have time before he could say embarrassing stuff.

However, I'm still waiting to be called Mummy.
He insists on calling me DADDY!! instead.
When anyone tries to correct him he does his 'don't be so stupid' giggle and says No! Daddy!

Sigh.

what a brilliant thread - am crying with laughter as I read.

dd (5) at (rubbish) pantomime - crowd is subdued and the pantomime Dame decides to gee us up telling us to wake up and laugh more - dd stands up and into the silence shouts in deeply offended voice 'But you're NOT FUNNY'

When she was a toddler dh worked away. He also had long black hair and she once chased a poor EMO teenage boy with long black hair all the way down the main street screeching 'Daaadddyyy' in a plaintive wail. I was old enough to be his mum, poor boy

a friend told her 3 yr old to stop being a baby in the waitrose queue response:
I'm not a fcking baby, I'm a Fcking tiger!!!
Whooops

We were on holiday in a seaside town in Norfolk a few years ago, walking along a busy pedestrian street and DD was on DH's shoulders. DH had to try to get a proper grip on her hands and at the top of her voice she shouted, 'Daddy, stop fiddling with me!'

I think it was the same trip - we were on one of those steam train rides and I was heavily pregnant with our third. Again packed train, and she annouces to everyone in the carriage, 'Mummy's got a baby in her tummy and it's going to come out of her foofoo'. She was so proud.

I suppose it's no more than I deserve. My Mum told me of a time when I was 2 or 3, I told a lady that my Mum was having a baby (she wasn't) but the lady humoured me and asked what it would be called. I answered 'Sarah-Seer Grasshopper' if it was a girl. And the lady said, 'and if it's a boy?', apparently I put my finger on my chin, and said, thoughtfully, 'Old F**r, I think'.

On a bus with DS when he was about 2, the man in front of us was having a very exasperated and repetitive conversation on his phone, the gist of it being that he was going home, not coming back and that someone else would be over later. Mercifully, he got off the bus a stop before we did, because as we disembarked DS suddenly yelled 'I'm going HOME, I'm NOT coming BACK and LEE's taking over LATER!'