I seem to have had an accident

[FanjoFiasco]

oh god. I have injured my fanjo. I am not going to ring NHS direct - I can't! Help!

Message withdrawn

If you do have to go to A+E they will treat you professionally, but they will also LAUGH, lots, in the staff room !!

make sure the straw is one with a bendy head!

In my experience, and believe me I've had many a faux yacht shoved up my clopper; the only way to deal with this is a salt water bath and a few verses of "Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum"

I feel for you. 'tis a terribuuuul thing.

Japanese chopsticks maybe, Chinese ones would be too blunt

Go to another A and E then?
Or the minor injuries of no ful A and E.

An inventor...hmmm is it Archie? He looks like someone who can't get it up. Stay away from his yoghurt pot collection.

rofl at salt water adn rum.

PMSL @ Archie!! Surely he is entirely asexual?!

PMSL @ straw and torch. Get to A&E.

ROFL at "faux yacht shoved up my clopper"

OP, sorry to ROFL at this difficult time.

YES coco, Archie does look a bit like he would, ahem, experience problems. Unless you dressed up like his nanny or somethingl,

Oh fuck

Oh NO DON'T GO THERE dh and I seen Archie on one of those Channel 4 programes it was horrible

If this is true - get to A&E. You just need ti say you have a splinter in your fanjo. You don't have to say how it got there. if you don't remove the splinter it will get infected.

Brings a whole new meaning to this

PMSL!!!!!
If you are a troll, thank you, that's the best laugh I've had in ages!!!!

If you're not a troll, good luck. I don't know what else to tell you.

tell them your name is mrs lollystick-dildo... or mrs fanjo-fiasco has a ring to it...

No tweezers to lend you but I have pata tongs, you do not have to give them back BTW.

Oh Fuck what?

Yes, come on Fanj, what has occurred?

This is nearly as funny as the penguin thread!!

Have you tried?? What did you get out??

well the splinter is out...the chopsticks worked. (Thanks to chinese dragon for the scrumptious take away earlier)

However he inserted them too far and they are now both lodged in my cervix, so my foof looks a bit like a walrus.

really. how careless you are this evening....