Seriously. Why? Why would I do that?

[pagwatch]

Sat night party. Mostly people I don't know so feeling a bit nervous. I manage to mangle each one of my childrens names ( when asked) and then , when introduced to someone, I shake their hand and give them my husbands name ... " hello I am Pagman" I said
Long silence. I said " actually I am not. I am pagwatch. I am not sure why I said that"

DH then shook their hand and said " and i Mr Pag and married to a woman who isn't quite sure who she is"

Why would I do that. I wasn't even drunk FFS. And then I had hours ahead with people who think I am too dim to get my own name right.
I apparently AM too dim to get my own name right.

[bluebump]

I went to a shop with my friends and the shop assistant was a bit over keen in trying to help us at first. Anyway I find a pair of trousers that I want to try on and say to the assistant "Can I try these on please?" and he doesn't respond initially, he is looking away so I say a bit louder and in a sarky voice "hellooooo I said can I try these please?" and wave the trousers in his face. He said "I heard you the first time and yes you can" and it's only then that I notice that he's got one wonky eye that made it look like he was looking away and ignoring me and i've just waved a pair of trousers in his face...I just stood in the changing rooms for ages going whilst my friends wet themselves laughing. I ended up buying them because I was so mortified.

[LadyGlencoraPalliser]

Guys will you stop posting these hilarious stories. DH is going to find out that I am not writing my essay. And I will be in trouble.

[TallulahToo]

Oooh, Just remembered another one from my (now) very much loved MIL...

First time we met, I had just become engaged to her darling son so she and FIL came to mine for coffee. We had just finished looking at photo's etc, as you do, I knelt down to pick them up from the carpet where she was sitting, she stood up to help...bent over and FARTED in my face! Elderly ladies apparently have this control issue.

The incident has never been mentioned since - thank god it's not social custom to ask "So how did you and MIL meet?"

[MmeLindt]

We had our new neighbours over for a drink and they brought their rather large dog.

The dog tried to snaffle some of the cheese and our neighbour said, "He has a very fast tongue"

Her DH looked a bit smug

[Lawks]

Roffle @ Kitstwins. I meant my real husband!

[Tigerschick]

ROFL at this thread.

Especially like notsoclever's 'noises like he was coming' and not realising that DD wasn't in the trolley

[KERALA1]

I was going to a friends new flat for dinner. I buzzed the buzzer, she let me in. I then knocked on the flat door. A chap answered who I assumed must be her new housemate. I said Im here to have dinner with X, do come in he said.

I sat down made myself at home. He went into his bedroom and pottered about. I sat there for about 10 minutes before my phone rang, its my friend asking where I am. I am in the flat next door. To compound it in my flustered state I left my handbag in the wrong flat and had to go back and get it. Oh the embarrassment and it was pre children so didnt even have pregnancy brain excuse!

[onthepier]

Many years ago, the new neighbourhood vicar + his wife moved into our road. We hadn't lived there ourselves all that long, + were invited to the couple's house opposite, who invited all the neighbours plus the new vicar + wife.

We all spent the morning there having coffee/wine + chatting, spoke to most people over the course of the morning inc. the vicar. I must have gone into auto pilot with small talk, found myself sitting next to the vicar's wife + asked what her husband did for a living!!

Our neighbour had introduced us all to both of them as they came in, (I momentarily misplaced who she was!)

She just said quietly, "Ahem, he's a vicar"! Other people nearby heard us + looked at me shocked!

Was quite relieved when they moved, (not because I didn't like them, but I couldn't forget my "stupid moment", could blame the wine I suppose, not used to drinking in the day!!)

[LadyGlencoraPalliser]

OTP - you should have said 'Oh yes, I know what he does on Sundays. But doesn't he have a proper job as well.'

[youcantlabelme]

This is the funniest thread in ages..

Years ago when I was in a new job with a new work colleague, said colleague pointed out across the busy canteen- her partner who worked in same building as us-different floor etc etc.

seeing a much older, quite unattractive man (in my opinion) with little dress sense I snorted and said 'oh yeah right, ha ha'.

Guess who WAS right.. and who had to make out I thought she meant the person stood next to him.....?

[mollyroger]

In Paris with my Father. He refused to let me use my superior french, being of that generation where, as a man, he felt he ought to do the ordering etc....

Had to piss mydelf laughing when trying to ask for the bill, he repeatedly asked the waiter for le billet doux.

This means love-letter....

[Pollyanna]

mollyroger, that reminds me of my dh - when in France someone asked him if he spoke French, he did actually respond "un petit pois"

(a pea!).

[mollyroger]

lol...

Was bad enough that I was 16 and rather gorgrous and sex-kittenish in those days. And everyone assumed my Father was my lovverrrr/sugar daddy! They tried to give us a double bed in the hotel. I spent the entire weekend squirming with humiliation, what with ribald comments from taxi drivers and waiters and hotel staff (which I understood but he was oblivious to) and his terrible french....

[Shandyleer]

We had 3 builders putting a new window in our bedroom. One afternoon I came back from the school run just in time to see them driving off in their van and waving to me, so waved back and thought nothing more of it. Until about 10 minutes later
when I was in kitchen and all 3 of them appeared. It occurred to me that wherever they had been they hadn't taken long, and said so. Turns out they hadn't been anywhere - their van had in fact been nicked and I had politely waved goodbye to it and the people nicking it.

[BitOfFun]

Superb, Shandyleer

[pagwatch]

I am so glad I found this thread again after being off for a few days. Fantastic stuff



( and i do feel much better and less of an arse after all of these)

[theDreadPiratePerArdua]

Our work here is done

[TrillianEAstraEgg]

Special 'this thread is now in Classics' bump!

[lowrib]

Back in the days before DS, I had to meet my boss 8pm on Sunday night, to catch a train for a conference the next day. I'd been up late on Saturday night, and went to bed about 4am really drunk but still worried about sleeping through and missing the meet, set my alarm for midday.

Woke up in a panic about half six, the alarm hasn't gone off, still feeling very drunk, but just enough time to jump into my work clothes, pack manically and rush into a cab to make the train for 8. I tell the cab driver I'm in a hurry and I text my boss on the way to check she was still OK to meet. She texts back and asked if I was going to wear my work clothes or casual for the Sunday evening, I text "I'm in my work clothes now". She texts WTF? ...

and the penny drops ... I've got up at half six in the morning, not the evening. I've only had 3 hours sleep, no wonder I still feel drunk! and I've totally dropped myself in it with my boss

The cab continues hurtling along for a few minutes before I can bring myself to say umm I'd like to go back to where we started now .

[IheartNY]

Oh I love the stolen van one Shandyleer

and Beautiful I nearly wet myself at your Christmas party story
I'm surprised your brother ever spoke to you again!!!

[pagwatch]

My thread is in classics
It is about twatishness

[Jackbunnysmama]

I was once phoning a patient, and was leaving a message on his voice mail:

"Hi, it's Dr. Jacksmama calling, regarding your concern about x. If you'd like to ring me back, the best time to reach me is x o'clock. The number at the office is 604-514... errrr... 604-514-... ummmm... 604..."

I completely blanked at my own office phone number!!!! After four attempts, I blurted "I'm so sorry, I'm having a pregnancy-related brain freeze, I'm sure you have my office number."



He did eventually ring back, and was trying, but failing miserably, not to sound as amused as he was. I'm surprised he's been able to take me seriously since.

[Jackbunnysmama]

Good thing this thread is in Classics or I'd have to pay for its tombstone

[MissPiggyHasTheFlu]

These are fantastic.