Seriously. Why? Why would I do that?

[pagwatch]

Sat night party. Mostly people I don't know so feeling a bit nervous. I manage to mangle each one of my childrens names ( when asked) and then , when introduced to someone, I shake their hand and give them my husbands name ... " hello I am Pagman" I said
Long silence. I said " actually I am not. I am pagwatch. I am not sure why I said that"

DH then shook their hand and said " and i Mr Pag and married to a woman who isn't quite sure who she is"

Why would I do that. I wasn't even drunk FFS. And then I had hours ahead with people who think I am too dim to get my own name right.
I apparently AM too dim to get my own name right.

[megthedog]

Beautiful, that is hilarious. Am going to be snorting about that all day!

years ago my parents took my db and I to the Edinburgh dungeons - I think db was about 8. Anyway, it was really creepy, dark, images of torture and all manner of scary stuff..my db had been running ahead of us and decided to hide behind the exit door to jump out at us as we were leaving...

only we spotted what he was planning and hung back, letting another couple go in front of us, hence they went through the exit first....so db leapt out, screaming 'BOOOOOOOOOO!' at this poor unsuspecting pair....they almost fainted with horror.

was v v v funny

Oh, my best recent one was when I was heavily pregnant with ds2 - was having a check-up with the nurse and a trainee doctor who was there for the experience. Anyway, The nurse had examined me internally and asked if I minded if the young male trainee also examined me. Feeling gracious I agreed, so, heels together, I let my knees fall to the side...the whole way through the examination my knee was nestled cosily in his crotch while he had a good feel about inside me...I couldn't move and just lay there pretending it wasn't happening. I could feel everything with my knee. Oh God, I was mortified.

[schneebly]

PMSL..literally

These are fantastic

I have a few.

I often forget how old I am but not just by one year, oh no. When I was 23 I told someone I was 19 (and believed it for a minute)Wishful thinking probably!

When DS1 was a tiny baby and people asked me what he was called I could never remember because DH and I called all sorts of stupid pet names all the time. I would find myself telling an old lady in the street that my baby was called "Spatula"

In my younger days had several jobs which had me rather befuddled. I would be answering the telephones at the local radio station with "Good evening, Golden Ocean?"

[saadia]

These are all so funny, I have many cringeable moments and the one that comes to mind is when I went on holiday to Istanbul with a friend. We went to a tourist site (an old building, can't remember which) and she had just had a dodgy burger. In the taxi on the way back she felt queasy and sick and I was worried that she would throw up.

So, I was a bit befuddled when it came to paying the driver and I hadn't totally got to grips with the local currency. I was giving him some paltry sum and he was refusing to take it. I thought it was because I was giving too much money and he was being too polite to take it so I kept saying "no, no please take it I insist", when in actual fact he was demanding the correct fare.

[MammyINeedAWee]

I used to work at a shopping centre where the voice over lady said once over the tannoy "please visit our garden centre for some lovely begonias....see you later bye bye!"

I still laugh when I think about that.

[moondog]

Hilarious Saadia!!

[Aefondkiss]

I have had tears of laughter at this thread, thank you.

[tee4two]

After the birth of DS1 my friend visited me in the hospital just as the Obstetrician was making his rounds.

We were chatting as this gorgeous man came around the curtains and when he said, 'Hello then, who do we have here?' I said 'Oh hello, this is my best friend Anne'.
He gave a bemused smile and said 'Pleased to meet you Anne but I was actually asking about the baby'.

I was, and still am mortified.

[sleepyeyes]

Ok I used to be a live in nanny and have so many mortifying stories.
One was after a year of living with one family, I opened a closed bathroom door (why why why!!!) to reveal my dad boss naked sitting on the edge of the bath legs wide open one resting on the side of the bath facing the door. We just stared ast each other for a full 30 seconds until I tore my eyes away and backed out. I continued to work and live with them another year it was never once mentioned.
I always wondered what my mum boss saw in him, well I didn't wonder after that day I can tell you!

[sleepyeyes]

Ok I used to be a live in nanny and have so many mortifying stories.
One was after a year of living with one family, I opened a closed bathroom door (why why why!!!) to reveal my dad boss naked sitting on the edge of the bath legs wide open one resting on the side of the bath facing the door. We just stared ast each other for a full 30 seconds until I tore my eyes away and backed out. I continued to work and live with them another year it was never once mentioned.
I always wondered what my mum boss saw in him, well I didn't wonder after that day I can tell you!

[moondog]

Loving idea of 'mum boss' and 'dad boss' too.What the hell was he doing??

[BlameItOnTheBogey]

DH and I always say; 'love you' to each other when we put the phone down. It's obviously become a habit because DH accidentally said it to the guy at the pizza delivery last night....

[Danae]

Message withdrawn

[HecatesTwopenceworth]

This didn't happen to me, it happened to my sister.

She was out for the evening and got chatting to a bloke she knew. Now this bloke was very hard to understand normally, plus he was drunk, plus the music was loud, so really she couldn't hear a thing.

This man was normally a joker, so he was talking away in animated fashion and my sister, thinking it must be his usual type of conversation, kept punctuating his conversation with laughter.

Anyway, I'm not sure how (I think someone who could understand, told her) but it transpired that he had in fact been telling her about his near fatal motorbike accident that had left him disabled.

I cringe at that one, so god knows how she feels!!

[shivermetimbers]

[HecatesTwopenceworth]

Ah. Hi there.

And then there's the time she was in the living room, my dad was laying on the sofa and the rabbit was on the chair. Now this rabbit was FAT! You know that big bit they have at the front? His was MASSIVE and it was overhanging the chair.

My dad is also a VERY big man. (This is important information.)

So when my sister looked at the rabbit and said...

"My GOD! Look at that great roll of fat hanging off the settee"

My father simply refused to believe that she had actually meant to say "chair" because she was referring to the rabbit.

[TallulahToo]

ROFL so much that I really don't want this thread to die EVER!

For me it's my MIL that always seems to feature....

After spotting her wandering round R Toy store absentmindely leaving her handbag exposed, I thought it would be great, (yes GREAT) fun to pretend to mug her! Picture a lovely little 70year old lady with bulging eyes gripping onto the handle of her little old bag clearly too terrified to speak. The only thing that broke the moment was my little DS calling out her name. Soooooo....

To make up for it I offerred to buy theatre tickets for the Grumpy Old Women Show as she loved it so much. She was delighted and I thought of it as an opportunity to bond over a girly night out. I phoned the box office who informed me that it was all sold out, desperate not to be a total let down DIL, and to avoid her getting the impression that I might have just copped out, I asked for tickets to see just ANY show for around that week. We arrived, took our seats and the show began - remember that MIL is in her 70's.... The show was The Vagina Monologues! I died that night.

[moondog]

Hilarious all of you!
Hilarious Do carry on!

[bratley]

Scheebly, you made me dribble a bit from laughing!!
The whole 'forgetting-the-newborns-name', I've done that....
I was forever saying his name over in my head when we took him out, just incase someone asked what it was and I couldn't remember. It would quite often be the first word to fall out of my mouth, regardless of what the other person said.
A shop assistant asked if I needed a bag - I replied with my sons name...
Or if I was caught off guard I'd make it up

Oh, and I STILL give his date of birth instead of mine, regularly.

[2shoes]

this is the funniest thread ever

[theDreadPiratePerArdua]

Oh... I just remembered one... (the anti-d's must have cut out)...

Many years ago I went out with a friend who knew a ton of people and introduced me to many of them on the same night. About a month later I started a new job, which meant starting a new walk to work. So, I saw this guy on the corner of a particular street at the same time each morning and he looked familiar (I should probably point out that I'm really not that good at faces). So after a couple of days, thinking he was this guy my friend had introduced me to the previous week, I said 'good morning'. He looked a bit startled, but said 'good morning' back.

Obviously, it was a complete stranger. The following week I was reintroduced to the guy I thought he was, and he looked nothing like. In the meantime, I spent 2 and half years randomly wishing a complete stranger good morning, on the same fecking corner, every fecking morning...

[Heated]

Was at a party & asked this man his name and he answered "Who?", I said "Yours", He replied "Who?"... I then spoke very deliberately and loudly thinking he was hard of hearing.

He was called Hugh.

[2shoes]

pmsl

[theDreadPiratePerArdua]

Heated - was he from Narfuk by any chance? My father got confused when he phoned by Dr Who's secretary to change an appointment...

[fruitbeard]

I got a new boss last year. I have no idea why, but I can't remember his name. He just doesn't look like a XYZ and it doesn't flow properly in my brain - even now I always find myself pausing for 2-3 seconds before I speak to him so that I don't get it wrong.

However, just before Christmas we had a boozy staff night out, he lives on the same train line as me but further out, we got on the same train but it wasn't stopping where he needed it so he said he'd change at a much earlier stop.

We get to this stop, he gets off, as he does so and wanders across the platform, we have an onboard announcement saying this will be the last train running that night.

I yell out the door "Bob! Bob! You need to get back on this train! Bob! Bo-ooooob!! Bob, why aren't you paying me any attention? Bob? Oh shit, your name's not Bob, it's Mike! Mike!!"

The whole train just fell about laughing... Oh boy was I - but at least he didn't get stranded.... (I tell myself that to make myself feel better but i still cringe at the memory)