Seriously. Why? Why would I do that?

[pagwatch]

Sat night party. Mostly people I don't know so feeling a bit nervous. I manage to mangle each one of my childrens names ( when asked) and then , when introduced to someone, I shake their hand and give them my husbands name ... " hello I am Pagman" I said
Long silence. I said " actually I am not. I am pagwatch. I am not sure why I said that"

DH then shook their hand and said " and i Mr Pag and married to a woman who isn't quite sure who she is"

Why would I do that. I wasn't even drunk FFS. And then I had hours ahead with people who think I am too dim to get my own name right.
I apparently AM too dim to get my own name right.

BatmansWilly - I am PMSL

Pagwatch - I am always forgetting things when I'm nervous! The funniest one I can remember tho wasn't me ... when I was leaving a job a few years ago I was given the obligatory card and one of the other members of staff had signed the card using someone else's name! She wasn't even nervous or hurried when she did it - at least you had an excuse

Talking of job interview witterage, I once started prattling inanely in a job interview about cheese.

We were talking about marketing and I started off with a perfectly sensible comment (designed to show that I had done my homework) about the firm having professional/personal profiles for all lawyers on the website - human touch etc. I turned to one of the partners interviewing me and gaily chirped "oh yes, you're the one who likes cheese aren't you? What kind of cheese do you like best?"

I couldn't stop. It was like that Alan Partridge episode when he's begging his producer for a second series - "eat the cheese!"

To his credit he answered and made a few humourous remarks before steering conversation back sharply to whether I would be actually any good at the job. Amazingly they decided I would be.

One hungover Sunday pre DC I was lounging on sofa waiting for DSIS to turn up with new boyfriend. In my head I was mentally preparing myself for the introduction, you know:

"Hi I'm NSRR/Hello I'm NSRR/Wotcha I'm NSRR..."

They arrived. I leapt off sofa and said:

" Hi, I'm "

What a twat.

Fortunately she dumped him fairly soon after. Still amuses my friends though. They know I am a social incompetent.

I once forgot my locker combination at the gym.It was the last 4 digits of my phone number but my mind had gone completely blank. A burly man had to cut the lock off with enormous pliers. Duh!

Just remembered, I once ended an answerphone message by saying 'love from TigersChick' as if I was dictating a letter
I hate answerphones!

my sides ACHE

I once kissed one of the senior managers at my firm.
I was sitting at my desk and he leaned across it, and I kissed his cheek without even thinking about it.
It was only afterwards I realised he was reaching for my phone...

I said "love you, bye" to my boss once when phoning in sick. I cited my snot and fever as a reason for the aberration but apparently he told everyone in the office ... (in a nice way though, they were a lovely friendly bunch!)

howdoo and kitbit, you are making me do happy pig noises.

I did the same as kitbit, said "love ya" in a really cheery voice to a client at work as I was putting the phone down. Phoned her back to say "did I really just do that?" to the background noise of all of her colleagues wetting their knickers with laughter ....

howdoo that is hilarious.

While visiting a local mums and tots, I was pretty nervous - two youngsters, new area. No-one spoke to me, naturally, and then, when they served tea and coffee, I went cheerfully up to the hatch and the words 'Tea please, coffee is making me fart at the moment' fell out of my mouth.

I didn't go back the following week to find out if I had made my mark as the 'coffee-farting lady'.

Once I had to pour coffee for a woman at a meeting and there were only two of us. There were four cups and I poured coffee into all of them. I noticed she was laughing, but not openly looking at me, sniggering covertly. Then I was so embarrassed. I started bumbling and flustering and trying to come up with a reasonable explanation of why I'd poured four cups of coffee for two people.

KayHarkersHeart! ha ha, I'd love if you came to my mums and tots group. It's all breastfeeding chit chat there. Give me a good farting story over a breastfeeding story!

ROFL at coffee fartage.

Howdoo That is awful!!

I have an interview howler as well. Seeker, hope you're not reading.

I once said in an interview that my interests were 'astrology and the supernatural'. I was only joking too. My friends had all laughed when I cracked that joke earlier, I tried it at the interview. Zip. Nada. Blank stoney starey faces.

ROFL @ 'coffee-farting lady'

oo, I'm a finger fidget too - was once waiting for a friend outside one of those mall cafes, you know, with thin wooden waist-height 'walls' decorated with fake foliage. I was absent mindedly dithering with the plants, and suddenly realized the plant felt quite soft, and that actually, I was caressing the dignified perm of an old lady sitting on the other side of the wooden wall.

oh funny!! did she mind?

She was quite gracious I blushed to my navel.

I love these threads Rather than simply reassuring the OP that they aren't a complete fruit cake, everyone grabs the opportunity to relate their own personal horror story, despite the fact that they probably would prefer it not to have happened in the first place.

When you said "I thought your head was the fence" did she say "ah, well, that explains everything!"

As far as I recall, we both did the very English thing of saying sorry a number of times. I'm quite sure she apologized to me too. What is that about?

I accidentally kissed my (now ex) friends new boyfriend on the mouth. He kindly dropped me at the station as he was passing it and I dont know why but I leaned over to kiss him socially goodbye on the cheek, he wasnt expecting it and moved his head so I kissed him smack on the lips in the front of his car. Mortifying. She is the jealous type and I never heard from her again