Seriously. Why? Why would I do that?

[pagwatch]

Sat night party. Mostly people I don't know so feeling a bit nervous. I manage to mangle each one of my childrens names ( when asked) and then , when introduced to someone, I shake their hand and give them my husbands name ... " hello I am Pagman" I said
Long silence. I said " actually I am not. I am pagwatch. I am not sure why I said that"

DH then shook their hand and said " and i Mr Pag and married to a woman who isn't quite sure who she is"

Why would I do that. I wasn't even drunk FFS. And then I had hours ahead with people who think I am too dim to get my own name right.
I apparently AM too dim to get my own name right.

Was thinking about re-fencing at bottom of yard of previous house, so went round to adjoining neighbour to discuss. Got house next door by mistake, but woman who answered door was very friendly, pointed out the right door, then said - oh your friends with x aren't you' so we had a bit of a chat about x. Then knocked on right door, got no answer, went home to write a note, returned, yes, put it into the first woman's mailbox 'knock knock, it's the f-wit again'

Rhubarb! I'm dying.

at Three's dh.

My dh worked in Chernobyl for a few years.On first visit, they (mistakenly) thoguht he was a VIP and to his horror as he arrrived at station with interpeter there was a whole welcome committee. Kids' choir, bread and salt, local bigwigs, tv cameras, the works.

He was however feeling really queasy after an odd meal the night before. As he walked into the town hall, feeling he was in a bad dream, he realised he was gonig to vomit, rushed across the room and did so.

Room full of Ukraininians just went silent..........

My next door neighbour came to introduce herself to me just after I had moved in. She said "hello, I'm Jane" I replied "hello, I'm Jane, err no I'm not I'm benfmsmum!" We both then stood and looked at each other not really knowing what to say after that!!

Mine's really bad. A friend of mine makes me re-tell this story every time I see him.

OK.

It was Christmas. My brother was deeply in love with his new Christian GF and wanted me to meet her. So he brought her along - with her 13-year-old daughter - to what was supposed to be an "elegant" little Christmas drinks party at my house.

Privately, I was a bit stressed and nervous about the party so I'd started early on the mulled wine. When brother, GF and daughter arrived, I was just at the merry stage so made a big fuss of them and then chatted to them all evening, being all lively and nice.

Sadly for everyone, I kept drinking the mulled wine.

10pm, they decide to go home. FOR SOME REASON, as I rocked on my heels, I thought it would be hilarious if I said goodbye in a pretend-nasty way. ???? My reasoning (such as I was capable of) was something like: We had all obviously got on very well, so wouldn't it be funny if I ironically pretended that we hadn't?

So, I turned first to my brother's new, quiet, deeply religious GF and said, with a huge smile, "Well, goodbye then, you f**king bitch."

THEN, I turned to her 13-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER and thinking it'd be even funnier if I upped the ante on this one "And goodbye to you, you f*king c*t."

Stunned, shocked silence all round, which I only broke by falling over.

It took months of carefully crafted apology emails to even get me nearly out of that one. I still die remembering it.

Beautiful!!!!!!!
Are you insane???????

'Sadly for everyone, I kept drinking the mulled wine.'

Barking!

stop - you lot are killing me!! Am sat here by myself giggling insanely.

Have had a slightly awkward day myself - am running on not enough sleep.

Tonight I was talking to my mum on the phone. She has some very serious health concerns atm but I was trying to get dd bathed. I've been on the phone for much of the day trying to get info out of various officials so ended our phone call with a very distracted 'well thank you very much for that - bye'. My poor Mum must have been

Beautiful - I am literally PMSL. Thanks for that!!

which actually isn't nearly as funny as the rest of the thread

i was doin some door to door work once and forgot which side of the door i was on so to speak.

a guy opened the door and i said " yes? can i help you?" he was aa confused as me.

No Kitten, it's a goody.

beautiful!

OMG, I don't think I've ever been that much of a drunken state to do that!

Did you ever meet her again?

Rhubarb - yes I met her loads more times. They went out for years. It was hell.

Just read your train story to DH and he doubled over!

these are fantastic! more laughing out loud here..dh is wondering what the hell i'm reading!'

beautiful....you ledgend! love your story!

LOL so much my bump is hurting. These sort of threads are no good for heavily pregnant women.

The most embarrasing thing I've ever done is pinch + stroke my dad's bum thinking it was DH My dad didn't react and pretended nothing happened.

I am like this - even when starting to learn french and you have to go around the class saying my name is.... in French I got my name wrong. The laughter still haunts me. Its just nerves I know but it it's awful when you get so nervous.

How many threads will i kill?

Snort at BC.
How coud he not notice and how could you confuse the arses??

When I was about 9, I was wandering along the street with my family and put my hand out to hold my mum's hand. She pulled away so I grabbed it again and felt her tug away. I turned to see why she wouldn't hold my hand only to find it was not my mother but some poor old lady. My parents had stopped several meters behind and were pissing themselves laughing at me

These are so brill, i've just come home from an absolute shit day and they have cheered me up no end.
My bfdoes some of the best cringey things and i heart her for it. She was going on a train journey and stopped and bought her self some biscuits and a coffee, got on the train and found a seat with a table. There was a man sitting opposite, she sat down and opened the biscuits and noticed the bloke really staring at her and then taking one of her biscuits she just stared back at him and had another one. This went on for a while and she thought the guy was a complete weirdo but didn't say anything, when it came to her stop she got off, put her hand in her pocket and realised she still had her biscuits. To this day is still horribly . I love it.
She also introduced herself to her sons friends dad by saying "oh your Adams dad i'm bobs dad".
I couldn't keep a straight face she was mortified.

I love this thread. I keep remembering all the cringey things I have done:

My friend stayed over after a night out and I drove her home in the morning. When I pulled up outside her house, she leaned over to hug me goodbye and I plonked a big kiss on her cheek. It was alsmost much worse but thankfully, at the last minute, I thought, 'wtf am I doing?' and changed direction from her lips to her cheek. I have no idea why I was trying to kiss her

Also, on meeting my mum's new neighbour a few years ago, rather than just saying "Hi, I'm SuperBunny" I lunged at him and kissed his cheek. My parents barely knew this poor man.

I seem to want to kiss people.

This is not so much embarrassing but worrying:

A few weeks after moving to the US, I had a bit too much to drink. I got in the car to go to work in the morning and tried to put the key in the ignition but it wouldn't go in. I wiggled it around and tried again and again before it dawned on me that I was sitting in the passenger seat so there was no ignition I think I decided to walk to work.

I was browsing mumsnet during my lunchbreak at work and was engrossed. When the office phone rang I picked it up and said : ''Hello Mumsnet. How can I help you...''

Cue much bafflement on the end of the line!

My work company name begins with M so....

Pag - I did similar, introduced my dh as 'and this is my partner'
He gave me a very odd look - we had been married 5 years, no idea why I said it