To have not realised I have a professional vacuuming qualification that I didn't know about?

[Mrsweasleysclock]

My dh was doing his version of the vacuuming today. It took 5 whole minutes!! He then told me I should hoover after him to get the edges, under furniture etc that he doesn't know how to get. I politely informed him that he could take the bulky head off and do it. His response, "I'm not a professional hooverer, you'll have to do it."

I cannot believe I have allowed him to touch a hoover when I am so skilled in this area. I of course hung my head in shame and set off for a 48 hour stint of grovelling. 🤣

So tell me. What professional skills have you all unknowingly acquired?

lighthearted he did manage to do it in the end.

We should get together for a symposium. I will present a groundbreaking talk entitled "The Difference between Tights and Leggings"

chef
hair stylist
pet groomer

I have a long and distinguished career gaining many similar qualifications. My specialist area would be analysing the 'finishedness' of a food or beverage item and its readiness for the bin; not replacing an empty or 99% empty packet or container back in the cupboard/ fridge.

Apparently all supermarkets require a special licence if you wish to purchase more than 3 times or items that are solely for your consumption. If you fox security and find your way in you must make a minimum of 10 phone calls to the licence holder.

In addition, it is understood I have a 7 year emergency medicine doctorate, 4 year apprenticeship in plumbing and hairdressing, extensive tailoring/ sewing skills. I am an accountant, child behaviour specialist and PA. If I fail to be able to answer a question related to these topics or other subjects including today's beauty 'will I need a transit visa for Qatar on the the way to the Phillipines' I am being difficult and/ or don't care.

Omg that's bloody brilliant.

I take it you invested in the top up qualification in adding salt.I would highly recommend the new extension diploma in cleaning the dishwasher arm and drain

I'm actually getting so much satisfaction and laughter from this thread. Thank you oh incredibly talented mumsnetters.

I am the only person in the house to have a Diploma in dust accumulation identification. I have stress tested this by leaving dust to accumulate and writing “clean me” in it. I am still the only person to notice.

I am the finder of lost things, most of which were hiding in plain sight.

I have a professional qualification in Knowing Where Everything Is, Was, and Will Be At All Times. I am also a National Subject Matter Expert in seeing things that are broken and need to be fixed. I point these issues out to general astonishment. It's a national disgrace when the house we've lived in for over 15 years needs maintenance. I honestly think if left to his own devices, DH would have no running water & would be burning the furniture to keep warm.

I can identify the correct pan to use for any cooking task. Frying an egg? You need the frying pan, chilli for ten people? That’ll be the big pan. This is apparently a task of such complexity that it necessitates phoning me at work for pan related advice.

Mine's the postgrad certificate in crystal ball reading and general future prediction.

If you do that then have you thought that you'll need that next? If we're not getting home till 9 then we'll need to eat before we go out, which means making dinner with time to eat it, which actually might benefit from the washing up done before that time.

Mistakenly I was also thought to have done an accompanying module in "knowing whether you'll want to eat when you get in late, or whether you'll have picked something up at the station on the way home", with special interest subject of "what do I feel like eating today?".

Sadly, I know there's a YouTube tutorial on folding fitted sheets. I've watched it. 😳

I snorted my tea 🤣🤣🤣

I am the only member of the household capable of finding something in a small space such as wardrobe, kitchen cupboard or suitcase. Things seem to miraculously materialise the moment I approach.

I don’t need to have any extra qualifications because as far as DH is concerned, we have one of these:

My superpower was being able to see through ceilings to dc actually, in reality they were mistaken -it was my expertise is audio deciphering that allowed me to know exactly where they were, what they were doing that they shouldn’t.

Finder of ‘lost’ things. So much so that work sometimes text me to ask where stuff is. I usually take quite a while to reply that I’m not sure, knowing it will be in an obvious place that they haven’t actually checked properly.

XH used to complain I hid his stuff. For instance by putting joint bank statements, organised by date, in a folder labelled banking on the shelf with all the other household filing. Funnily enough he still loses his and DDs stuff all the time even now I never enter his home. At my house it is always where it belongs.

I was the only person who could decipher a calendar on which I'd sneakily written in code "Monday 6:30pm swimming"
"Thursday 5pm brownies"

Apparently the Enigma machine was needed as (ex)DH proclaimed ignorance of such activities and was surprised on said days when dinner was late because the prime cook had been collecting young offspring from them.

He literally sat there and waited for us to return. Not even a pan of potatoes peeled just in case... 😳

Haha, me too!

This also includes knowing the opening times of all the shops and businesses in the whole of the UK.

I am at least degree level in being able to make meals from a fridge and cupboards that apparently are entirely empty even after everyone else has checked thoroughly and declared 'there's nothing to eat'

My exh recently apologised for ever implying I didn't do that much (I worked half time) because now he realised how much it took to run a household including a child with autism and other sen (appointments most weeks) he simply didn't realise everything I did. He is now struggling to cope with the amount of paperwork it takes to just live these days.

I have this qualification too! And I went on to do a masters in putting a new fresh bin liner in, and not leaving it empty so others only notice when they have dropped something messy in there.

I have a level 5 qualification in removing the old loo roll tube and installing the new loo roll.

That's why this job is only ever done by me in this house - no one else has the expertise/training to do so safely.

I see there are other level 5-ers on the thread!

👋 to small but merry band of fellow experts!

I’m a world leader in boxer short sorting.

2 DS, one wears only black boxers and the other wears anything except black, but apparently this is an incredibly complex sorting equation that only I am able to resolve when the washing is being sorted.

Well done me.

I spent a lot of hours as an undergraduate in finding things in plain sight before deciding to specialise in a Masters in the very niche subject of cleaning all the work surfaces when tidying the kitchen. Thus did I discover my true calling in cleaning the hob. I'm in the middle of my PhD now.