To have not realised I have a professional vacuuming qualification that I didn't know about?

[Mrsweasleysclock]

My dh was doing his version of the vacuuming today. It took 5 whole minutes!! He then told me I should hoover after him to get the edges, under furniture etc that he doesn't know how to get. I politely informed him that he could take the bulky head off and do it. His response, "I'm not a professional hooverer, you'll have to do it."

I cannot believe I have allowed him to touch a hoover when I am so skilled in this area. I of course hung my head in shame and set off for a 48 hour stint of grovelling. 🤣

So tell me. What professional skills have you all unknowingly acquired?

lighthearted he did manage to do it in the end.

Professional stock taker. I apparently know how much is in the ketchup bottle and when it’s run out and needs replacing, even though I don’t eat it. Similarly I know how many tins of beans in the cupboard, how many slices of bread are left and if there’s any in the freezer.
in fact I know precisely how much we have of any product in the entire house!

I am a professional googler. Everyone in my house seems to ask me questions which they could quite easily find out themselves. It seems I am the only one who can operate google and ask Alexa.

PhD here in knowing everything: where things are, how things work, which lane to be in in places I’ve never been, which completely different items of clothing belong to which person, how to add dinner money to the online accounts, what certain noises mean, whether there is, in fact, a ‘funny smell’… I could go on but since I am omnipotent it would obviously be a very long list. (Oh, yes, and I have advanced qualifications in writing lists)

DH told me his mum invented getting people to lift their feet when you were hoovering.
Apparently no one else had ever thought of doing it. So she must have had the qualification.

I also have the PhD in knowing fucking everything. You think it would pay better.

Knowledge is its own reward.

Apparently.

I have magical eyes that can see things that definitely can't be seen by mere mortals. Special things like the mayonnaise in the fridge or the salt in the cupboard.

I have a degree in Finding Stuff. You have to do an exam in Seeing if it's Hanging Up, Moving Something, Looking in the Obvious Places and Seeing if it's in the Laundry Basket. My family genuinely think it is a superpower.

This

Oooh thanks for this

I have advanced qualifications in crumb identification and removal.

My two year stint behind the bar in a working man's club has also qualified me as a mixologist.

My husband and I did different courses in loading a dish washer.

Neither one of us recognise the other’s professional qualification.

I have a Phd in Planning for the Future. Note that the Future incorporates all time periods from "20 mins from now" to "Retirement age and after", thus l am the only one who realises that DD will require feeding at some stage in the day/evening/week and also that pensions are a thing.

Adjacent to the degree in reading instructions, I am fluent in recipe and shopping lists. I can translate both from the English that DH doesn’t understand to the English he does understand ie the only language with which he is equipped but mysteriously is unable to apply to recipes or shopping lists 🤷‍♀️

Cleaning bathrooms is my speciality. No one else even tries, presumably because they know they can't come close to my technique. They do piss over the toilet seat though to help me hone my skills.

I have navigatation skills equivalent to that of a London taxi driver-I can take recycling from any room of the house and successfully find my way out the back door and locate the big recycling bin. Nobody else in this house has that skill.

I also have amazing eyesight, I can see washing on the clothes line all the way from the kitchen window. The washing is mostly invisible to the other people who live here. It explains why washing can only be brought in by me or under direct instructions from me.

Am crying with laughter. It’s like you all live in my house! Nominate for classics! How do
i tag @mnhq?

My diploma is in reading washing labels from a distance. Family members hold up garments and ask which cycle to put them on just to test my skills, I’m sure…

My special skill is preparing and serving meals 3 times a day. Even when a lovely delivery driver brings food I am the only qualified person for plating up. As i result i gave up training for being a washer up and putter away. Not my pay grade.

That's a version of one of my personal mottos, When all else fails, read the bloody instructions.
The other one is If it moves and it shouldn't, gaffer tape, if it should move and it doesn't then WD40. Rarely disappointed.

I apparently know where every single bloody thing in the house is at any given moment. No one else needs to look because they can just ask the expert.

My superpower is picking up towels off the floor and hanging them so they are dry for the next use. Also locking the front door, thankfully we love somewhere very safe as I do occasionally slip up and the keys have been known to be on the outside of the door all evening

Wow, you are all so qualified. I have none of these. Tell me, did you do online courses? In personal at a college or did someone come to your home to do coaching? I'd really like to up my skills and get a few shiney certificates on my walls but have no idea how to start.

I am slightly ashamed to say that I have no domestic qualifications at all, as you would see should you ever visit me.

I think I must be the most qualified person in the world.

The only 'skill' that I still lack and delegate to my OH is management of all car-related mechanical matters. I still haven't passed the 'knowing how to open the bonnet' module, though my 'making it known to OH that things such as services / MOTs are due' skills are very good.