To have not realised I have a professional vacuuming qualification that I didn't know about?

[Mrsweasleysclock]

My dh was doing his version of the vacuuming today. It took 5 whole minutes!! He then told me I should hoover after him to get the edges, under furniture etc that he doesn't know how to get. I politely informed him that he could take the bulky head off and do it. His response, "I'm not a professional hooverer, you'll have to do it."

I cannot believe I have allowed him to touch a hoover when I am so skilled in this area. I of course hung my head in shame and set off for a 48 hour stint of grovelling. 🤣

So tell me. What professional skills have you all unknowingly acquired?

lighthearted he did manage to do it in the end.

I have a PhD in dishwasher rinse aid refilling. Nobody else in house is remotely skilled enough to carry out this task. I am also highly adept at knowing where somebody might have left random objects round the house, apparently.

My MA is in Correct Bin on Correct Day Studies.

Dissertation: “No, for the love of God, you can’t recycle plastic film: How many times do I need to say it?”

Me too.

I'm convinced that all men are suitably qualified but when we were having our one-hour lesson on periods in the1980s the boys were being shown how to do things so badly that we don't ask again . In my case ironing a huge burn mark on my favourite top one the only time he touched the iron

I'm a professional stander on bath mats. There is no one else in the house with this skill.

cf adding dishwasher salt, cleaning the filter and running cleaning cycles.

I have delegated dishwasher stacking to DH, even though I know he does it completely wrong. I might sneak in and do it properly occasionally just to mess with his head when it comes to unloading.

I am the Laundry Fairy and often proclaim my arrival with a dainty dance and a few pirouettes just to drive the point home.

I am a highly skilled chef. My area of expertise is ready meals, frozen food - in fact anything that has instructions on it. So, dh will get something out of the freezer to cook - burgers, fish fingers, oven chips, whatever and shout to me. "How do I cook these?" To which I reply, "just read the packet." He then throws a teenager huff and whines,"I can't be arsed with that. Why can't you just tell me?"

I have a phd in biological hazard removal ie cleaning the bog.

The curtain thing sounds like my late MIL! We had a large rectangular bay window and had two pairs of curtains on each side that I opened all the way to the end. She however would move one pair to hang in the corners of the bay when she was visiting, I trained the children to move them back to the end whenever they saw she'd done this, I'm sure this really puzzled her.

Oh, me too! Do you also have the complimentary qualification of picking up the empty cardboard tubes off the floor and putting them in the recycling?

I stopped packing for dh when he moaned l had forgotten something crucial.
Hung up my packing boots there and then!

I too held qualifications in programming the boiler, running the Sky system, making repairs/adjustments to the same, re-newing the house/car insurance, dealing with the on-lne banking and so on. When my OH died very suddenly I recall saying to my daughter it was lucky we'd gone that way, him first, he wouldn't have known where to start in the house! Sorry of the dark humour offends anyone. Also since that day I have known exactly where his bloody Swiss Army knife is!

DH is the professional hooverer in this house. He’s also the CEO of bins and paying bills. I’m the authority on what the toddler should have for tea and the manager of toddler/baby clothes (who knew that the 3 month old couldn’t wear his big brother’s trousers or that they grow out of their clothes?).

We’re pretty much 50/50 business partners on everything else though.

My DH does the bins as his job.
My eyes are more highly skilled at seeing that the bins are full and then I need to arrange a conference regarding when he might be free to empty them.

When my kids were young, they were totally in awe of one of my superpowers: I could hear a biscuit tin being furtively eased opene from any part of the house, and those eyes in the back of my head meant that I always knew when they were up to mischief. It took them literally years to realize that it was their silence that gave them away.

Although I can't claim to be an expert by any means, I have been studying Cutting the Children's Nails at the School of Why Me? for the last five years, after DP claimed to fail the entrance exam.

I was the master of Never mind what the garage say and want to charge you, check the VW Forum. I once save us almost £500 because the identified fault was known to the manufacturer and was being done for free.

@JudgeJ

I remember one of DM’s friends being left completely bewildered with all the household stuff when her DH died because he had done everything.

Yes, I am the only one that has that additional qualification 😂. Either that or cardboard tubes must be magically invisible to the rest of the household.

😁

ONLY I SHALL PICK UP JUNK MAIL FROM THE HALLWAY AND BIN IT!

No one else possesses this power - I know because I once tested it and it was left for 8 full days.

My skill is to be able to find the items of food/toiletries/cleaning products that are on Dh's shopping list and direct him to the exact aisle and shelf within the particular supermarket that he happens to be standing (probably looking lost & confused).

Yes, Dh rings me to find things in the supermarket instead of asking the staff, he says its quicker to ring and ask me.

He also tests my skills by doing this by ringing me from supermarkets that I have never been in (he works away in the week), how he survives is beyond me.