To have not realised I have a professional vacuuming qualification that I didn't know about?

[Mrsweasleysclock]

My dh was doing his version of the vacuuming today. It took 5 whole minutes!! He then told me I should hoover after him to get the edges, under furniture etc that he doesn't know how to get. I politely informed him that he could take the bulky head off and do it. His response, "I'm not a professional hooverer, you'll have to do it."

I cannot believe I have allowed him to touch a hoover when I am so skilled in this area. I of course hung my head in shame and set off for a 48 hour stint of grovelling. 🤣

So tell me. What professional skills have you all unknowingly acquired?

lighthearted he did manage to do it in the end.

I'm far from fully qualified, more like an NVQ in general domestic life and animal care. OH though is a lecturer/ assessor on all those topics, quick to correct where I, or our cleaner, could do better next time.

He's the embodiment of the saying"those who can do, and those who can't, teach!"
(no offence to actual teachers who are fab X)

Knowing when stuff happens by reading the fucking calendar. And similarly related, being organised for said events.

DH is in charge of cat litter tray and he is only happy with his dishwasher stacking.

BlueBell50 DH was a very high level, hands-on scientist all his working life but still struggles with toilet roll changing. Taking the empty cardboard tube downstairs to the recying bin is a job only a skilled woman can do.

I am brilliant at laundry management, PhD level at least.

Maybe we should organise a Saturday morning rotation where we all start with our skill in our own homes and then rotate houses in an geographical clockwise direction, so others may benefit from our skills and we shall all have spotless homes ready to be remangled.

No qualifications here but I'm learning to become the housekeeper from hell!
I've suddenly stopped noticing oh's dirty laundry piles and refuse to bring them down to the washing machine. If it's not in the hamper it's not getting washed!

I actually cannot do this. Our holder is so stiff that only DH has strong enough fingers to change them. One day I will buy a new holder. Maybe.

When I gave birth I was secretly handed the manual for the child. I am the only one who has read it. I know everything and can answer ALL questions.

I am also a professional finder of all items in the house. I know where all DH’s socks, pants, shoes, van keys, work things are despite never personally using them.

What professional skills have you all unknowingly acquired?

The reverse of this - apparently I cannot wash up correctly. I am unqualified in washing up.

I'm a solicitor and so are most of my colleagues, but a surprising number of them obviously missed the module on How to Change the Toner in the Printer.

I did the women-only nappy changing course before our kids were born. So obviously that put dh at a disadvantage.

I am skilled in The Art of Finding Things. Like a beagle at the airport, I am.

No cheese can hide in the fridge from me. Even if it somehow disguises itself so no mere mortal man can see beyond the mimicry, I can pick it out no problem at all. It must be my XX chromosomes.

Anyone who leaves a) empty toilet roll tube b) used water bottle c) balled up socks d) any foodstuff wrapper, will find same inserted into their bed. No prisoners.

I have PhD in "where is everybody's everything"

Apparently this means I have the only pair of functioning eyes in the household.

I got my BSc in Picking Shit Up, then went on to specialise for my MSc in Seeing and Picking Up Hair Bobbles. My dissertation was actually entitled Studies on Wrestling a Hair Bobble from a Sneaky yet Very Determined Feline

I rather lost the plot last week, and lobbed some very sarky whatsapp remarks to dh and dd that it might surprise them, but it doesn't take a vagina that has pushed babies out to 1. notice the toilet bins are full, or 2. empty the bloody things. With a few more things added in. . .

I got wine and flowers when he got home.

I am a higher level qualified towel folder, duvet changer and mop operative.
This is to free DH's time up to allow him to complete in 6 Nations Rugby, Formula One and International Football. Armchair disciplines only.

I asked one of the lads at work to wash up his own lunch pots. He replied, “I don’t even do that at home…”

He won’t be saying that again!

Furniture mover, arranger, project manager, spatial awareness technician and quantity surveyor.

Apparently, it is impossible to move three pieces of furniture to the opposite wall to the one they are currently against without my attendance in a prior planning meeting to ensure that they are individually measured, the room is measured, the aspect and lighting is assessed, the angles are carefully calculated and presented with diagrams and a scheme/order of work is devised with fully RAG rated monitoring system to take into account the process of clearing the area, position, order and angles of movement/direction and restoring the room to functional status afterwards.

I know he could be gently described as somewhat spatially challenged cackhanded and has at least three attempts to find his left if I don't say The Hand You Write With, whereas I'm more of a one glance and I've got it to the millimetre and in three dimensions, but it would be nice if I could come home one day to actually find that it's all been done without incident or involvement beyond the initial proposal.

Seemingly I'm the 'professional ' onion ring finder - even though they were in the freezer right next to the French fries he'd just got out!

I am an expert toilet roll carrier, to the point where no toilet rolls can ever make it upstairs unless I personally ensure their safe carriage.

I am also a professional suitcase packer. Once I asked my DH to pack socks and pants and I would do everything else (including for the DCs). Annoyingly, they didn’t sell socks and pants anywhere near the airport on a Sunday so we had to buy them at triple the price when on holiday.

I'm the only one qualified to find 'STUFF' - be it items in the fridge, school ties down the side of the bed or parsnip seeds in the seed box.

I'm also the only one capable of making an evening meal from ingredients in the fridge.

However my qualifications in loading the dishwasher or washing machine are obselete. Too old. Don't know how modern things work! (fine by me!!)

I'm a world leader in telling the difference between a 5 year old's plain black socks and an adult human female's black socks.
Also remembering which patterned socks belong to which human. Two adults, one male one female, plus two different children. It's a lot to remember apparently

I have a solution for that.

I have a special qualification in using ParentPay. We both have a login but he "doesn't know how it works". Apparently I also have a special qualification in knowing all the directions around every new place we go. When I've suggested "I've never been here before either" that is met with the incredulous response "but you BOOKED it" as if that bestowed the special powers. However I am ashamed to say that I have no idea at all how our hearing and hot water is programmed and I really should.

I'm the only one who can put away difficult things, like saucepans and tupperware. DH unloads the dishwasher but just leaves them on the side.

I got reprimanded today for not chopping kindling correctly out of some sawn up planks. It turns out however I am expert at axe-throwing so it buried itself in DH's skull the lawn.