To be traumatised by my own undercarriage?!

[NameChangeLifeChange]

As I was wiping this morning it felt a bit sensitive down below which is unusual so I thought I’d have a look and see what’s going on.

WELL

I haven’t looked at my vulva since my second DC was born three years ago and dear god I will never look again. My poor vulva which, let’s be honest wouldn’t have won a beauty contest before but was perfectly serviceable and ‘normal’ looking’, looks like it’s been blended. Or put through a washing machine. I don’t think there is anything ‘wrong’ with it (infection, prolapse etc) but it looks awful. The labia are fine but inside there’s like a squishy circle (?!) that’s all flappy and messy with protruding skin. I actually almost felt tearful and hugely embarrassed that DH has seen it in all its messy glory.

Is this normal?! I’ve had two vaginal births. I don’t have any pain, might get some caneston in case of thrush but I don’t think there’s a medical issue it’s just a hideous mess. I had a smear recently and kind practice nurse didn’t say anything and I assume she would of I’d have had an abundance of genital warts/prolapse.

But equally men most men wouldn’t be expected to embrace a penis that was bent like a banana, or leaking like a drain, or so misshaped they couldn’t walk properly, or disfigured, or detached and stitched back on badly . So although the ‘all fannies are different and beautiful’ angle is nice, it does nothing to raise healthcare standards for British women. Prolapses, bad stitches, incontinence issues… they shouldn’t be normalised.
Our continental neighbours wouldn’t accept these standards and neither should we.

Oh god, two babies and heading for permi menopause here.. and mine now clearly needs a lift or some Botox or something... it hangs so low now. It basically looks like it comes to a point in my underwear. Oh well, DH is just glad if he gets anywhere near it these days...

(Joking about the fanny lift obvs)

Lol absolutely! Dear OP think you need to get the mirror out more often to get used to how they all look!

Two things to say to this.

1. My (male) partner does not care about the appearance of my genitals, just as he doesn’t care about my spaniel’s ears boobs, my crepey tummy and my disappearing arse.
2. If he did care, what exactly would you expect me to do about it? Many of us (most?) are not interested in having cosmetic surgery to such a delicate area of our body, so our partners or potential partners will have to like it or lump it 🤷🏼‍♀️

If he did care, what exactly would you expect me to do about it? Many of us (most?) are not interested in having cosmetic surgery to such a delicate area of our body, so our partners or potential partners will have to like it or lump it 🤷🏼‍♀️

this!!! Most women dont care what male genetalia looks like either. Because, you know, we live in the real world where we know bodies aren't 'perfect'. Yes there may be a minority of people who care, and that's their prerogative. But the rest of us couldn't give a stuff

@LilacSky95 Or should that be couldn't give a chuff? 😉

I can ensure you our continental friends also have similar issues! Do you suppose a mere stretch of water and a warmer climate is going to suddenly magic the baby’s head to half the size?! If only! 😂

MOST of us haven’t been savaged by an errant nhs trainee doctor or anything like it - we simply gave birth as we have been doing so for centuries. Pure and simple. My Italian and French friends will testify that.

I think what the PP meant is that postpartum health and women's health generally is taken more seriously on the continent (including psychological help). They have immediate access to gynaecologists and seem to make greater use of post partum physio for all.

It's still very much "come back in a year if your flaps are still dragging on the floor" in the UK.

I have always had great maternity care in the U.K. It’s also free I might add, which isn’t the case everywhere!
The physio exercises are available to everyone, but the very delivery of a baby means your body is going to be stretched beyond all recognition, and it’s designed to do that and recover. However our ancestors didn’t spend ages or have time to care or compare their undercarriages and mourn the loss of a perfect peep!!

I am not aware of anywhere on the continent that charges out of pocket for maternity care. Anyway, I had ELCS so no skin in the game. But I think lots of the issues described upthread (like the urethral prolapse) are precisely why all women should see a gynae routinely every year, as they do in (at least) France and Switzerland. The thresholds for lots of things that only impact women - intervention post-partum, pain relief in labour, access to HRT - are much too high in this country, ime.

@Deguster yes thanks, that’s precisely what I meant.
Even at the most basic level, being able to simply call a gynae up and arrange your own appointment without having to endure the palaver of begging for a referral from a reluctant gp, makes a huge difference.
The postpartum physio given in many European countries isn’t a leaflet on kegels as it is here. It’s often (free) courses, with direction and intervention from specialists for everything from diastasis recti to pelvic floor to breast/ feeding issues. With escalations to surgery/ support/ equipment when needed.
In the UK we’re conditioned to expect a very low quality of gynaecological care. Most of us wouldn’t even consider seeing a gp for an issue we perceived to be ‘cosmetic’, what would be the point? Humiliation? Confirmation? Followed by the realisation that although it’s disfigured it’s not disfigured enough for the nhs to pay for?
We shouldn’t expect and accept mangled genitals after childbirth.

If you have recently had a smear test your nurse would have noticed a prolapse or genital warts and she would definitely have mentioned it.

Tbh my used post partum with forceps, failed ventous was too many stitches … had to go back and get that sorted or dc 2 would not be here 😂

That’s not actually true. You have to pay to give birth in Greece and Spain amongst others (unless you are extremely poor and destitute) and many Eastern European countries. Comparing anywhere to Switzerland is ridiculous quite frankly! All the physio sessions in the world will not shrink the undercarriage - pelvic floor exercises are standard.
Your post is buzzkill as everyone ages even women in Switzerland ( my grandmother lives there and would chuckle at the idea she is eternally youthful!) I am good with reality thanks snd love my body just the way it is 💛

😂the Thread I never knew I needed. I’ve been thinking about mine SO much and fearing the next time someone sees it 🫣
I love it here.

I’m worried my inner flaps are a bit Dumbo-esque. The outer ones look a bit wrinkly with age.

@Afterfire ’a scrunchie’ has just about finished me off on this thread 😂

Chuckling at “no skin in the game” due to elcs…. tick tock 🤣 nothing lasts forever. If your facial
skin ages, so does your fanjo!

@Suzi888 i actually said that my fanjo had deteriorated due to gravity despite my best efforts not to push a human out! Trust me, my aged minge is nothing to brag about. But it is (happily) totally normal.

I actually went as far as taking photos in different positions and avoided the worst ones when I met my new partner.

Pure class lol 🤣😂🤣 💖

Well after 4 kids , the first was an episiotomy, my foof somewhat resembles the San Andrea's Fault line and in the right light looks a bit like Mick Jagger

@Mama4Weans I'm sure Mick Jagger would be flattered 😀 👄

This thread is absolutely brilliant, I feel like I’ve been to a women only stand-up show, and I don’t think any stand-up made me laugh so hard and so much! Thank you everyone!

Also thankful that it’s been educational! I also did the mistake of looking at my vagina when heavily pregnant and being shocked that it was purple (later found out it’s normal for it to be blue/purple in pregnancy) and generally looked like it was turned inside out 😩.

A few years on at least it feels normal, and I’m not looking 😬

I also read that it’s the pregnancy itself and all the engorgement and pressure rather than a straightforward vaginal birth and breastfeeding that change our undercarriage and breasts, so, say, having a C-section and not breastfeeding for most doesn’t mean that you preserve your virginal forms 😁

Lighting can be tricky to see anything, I found.

My gut and pubes seem to cast quite a shadow.

Howling 😂