To be traumatised by my own undercarriage?!

[NameChangeLifeChange]

As I was wiping this morning it felt a bit sensitive down below which is unusual so I thought I’d have a look and see what’s going on.

WELL

I haven’t looked at my vulva since my second DC was born three years ago and dear god I will never look again. My poor vulva which, let’s be honest wouldn’t have won a beauty contest before but was perfectly serviceable and ‘normal’ looking’, looks like it’s been blended. Or put through a washing machine. I don’t think there is anything ‘wrong’ with it (infection, prolapse etc) but it looks awful. The labia are fine but inside there’s like a squishy circle (?!) that’s all flappy and messy with protruding skin. I actually almost felt tearful and hugely embarrassed that DH has seen it in all its messy glory.

Is this normal?! I’ve had two vaginal births. I don’t have any pain, might get some caneston in case of thrush but I don’t think there’s a medical issue it’s just a hideous mess. I had a smear recently and kind practice nurse didn’t say anything and I assume she would of I’d have had an abundance of genital warts/prolapse.

Seriously? How long ago was this? That's seriously inappropriate of her and could really leave someone feeling embarrassed for normal body hair. I mean I know the 'trend' for a while has been to shave or wax, but by no means is it odd or unusual not to. Funny how men aren't expected to do anything with their pubic hair eh.

DH did a rotation in obs and gynae and said you don't even actually notice things like pubic hair because you see so many and they're all so different you just solely see it from a kinda practical perspective, scanning for irregularities, and the biggest part of your brain is engaged in trying to help the patient feel as comfortable as possible. They did a class in med school on how to approach male/female genital exams and different ways to put patients at ease. Things I've noticed like the doctor putting a hand on your knee first so that their first contact isn't straight in there, making small talk. One gynae even told me I had a beautiful vulva which isn't actually true whatsoever but I'm guessing she says it to everyone to try go some way towards easing insecurities!

I was once told during a smear test that I had beautiful eye lashes. At the time I thought wtf! I obviously looked very uncomfortable and she was just trying to put me at ease.

I have name changed in honour of this thread as my 'D'H looked at my fanny shortly after having DC1 and recoiled saying it looks like a smashed pasty. I had third degree tears which the midwife tried to stitch up but said it was too damaged and then had to have a spinal block to be stitched up in surgery. It was a mess. After 2 kids I've got wonky scars all along my perineum, a rectocele which I have to push to have a poo. I can't run anymore as the pressure pushes it down.
DH told almost everyone we saw after that birth that it looked like a smashed pasty so that was fun.
A gynaecologist told me I had a very baggy womb and the dr that fitted my could told me I had a floppy cervix.
No-one ever mentions this stuff so thank god for Mumsnet.

fitted my coil*

Did anyone's bits swell up in pregnancy and never go back? I literally can't wear a bikini without shorts now. People look at my throat for an Adam's Apple then look behind me.

I'm glad of this thread. Nobody talks about birth injuries and I think it enables a lot of botch jobs and bad practice and fuels expectations of just going back to your former self after birth.

The bar is low for dealing with birth injuries because nobody talks about it. I had 1st degree tear with 2nd and I know there is much worse, but all I needed was a couple of stitches down there, but they couldn't be arsed or had some shit policy not to stitch with those sorts of tears without thinking about the consequences to the woman. You wouldn't do half a job with any other hospital treatment would you, so why is this OK?

@smashedpasty Is he still your H? 😕

I am a health professional and have worked on gynae wards for many years.
what u describe sounds like a small prolapse. If you are not getting a dragging feeling when walking then forget about it . Does not seem to be an infection.
So pleased we have threads like this.

Yes he is, I took it in the way it was meant - as a joke. We are pretty open about this stuff with each other and friends so I've never worried about the state of my vagina.
It's also why I name changed as I've told friends about my baggy womb and floppy cervix. All now been removed so no longer an issue.

I nominated this thread for Classics. MNHQ have agreed.

Thank you @NameChangeLifeChange for starting this thread, you deserve a medal for services to woman kind!

Hear hear. I also nominated it.

Is this really the best advice though? What about the importance of education and encouragement to do pelvic floor exercises?

Three forceps deliveries with episiotomies each time here, so the whole area is now cross-crossed with scars, and there definitely seem to be bits missing.

I had Fenton's procedure about a year after DC1 was born to remove excess scar tissue and sort out the horrible stitches I'd had after the birth. It certainly made a big difference, though I suspect this was somewhat cancelled out by the subsequent births.

Just think yourself lucky you don't own one that looks like a badly packed kebab that's been sicked on, thrown across a car park, then run over...

Me! Due to horrendous complications after DD was born, I needed emergency surgery and they didn't put stitches in afterwards. It looks a completely mess down there but having it sorted out is just not a priority unless I start dating Keanu Reeves! 😀

Grateful for this thread and wish I'd had more insights from other women 20 yrs ago when I saw the state of mine.

I did have a difficult birth and felt very traumatized by the whole thing.
I felt some how my vagina and vulva let me down, or that I did something wrong.
This feeling probably came too from no positive input from my delivery midwife. She was horrible. I did make a complaint when I could face it.

But back to the bits, I found it almost impossible back then, (not sure what there is research wise now), to find other experiences of the actual appearance changes. There just seemed to be a general message of, your vagina knows what to do, it will bounce back.

I was very shocked that I was looking at bits of skin I didn't even recognise.

So thank you for this thread everyone. It's empowering and comforting, as WELL as very funny xx

@thesunwillout There really should be more awareness about what 'normal' looks like and it should start in schools. I came to the conclusion I was some sort of alien as a young teenager. All the images I could find were from medical diagrams in text books etc. Neat line, nothing hanging out at all - not representative of real women from what I know now. It can have such an impact on self esteem.

Fair enough @smashedpasty. I can imagine a joke like that between DH and me but would be mortified if he told everyone else that too!

@Notlosinganyweight I was told the same thing. Big baby (came out with his arm by his head), birthing pool red with blood. They didn't tell me what degree of tear I had, but said I'd be fine without stitches. I was relieved at the time, but didn't think of the implications. Now it's "a bit gapey" (gyno's words) and sex has never been the same. I can barely feel anything. Haven't had an orgasm since before first child was born.

I love doing yoga, but it's uncomfortable when I have to do anything with legs spread - the inside of my vag rubs against my knickers and gets sore. Nice. Oh and then there's the fanny farts. Thank goodness for YouTube yoga at home!!

Sigh... Wish I had had a c section to be honest! I miss how sex used to feel pre kids.

@Vincitveritas definitely agree with you. I thought I was a freak for years when I was younger, until I chatted with friends later in life and realised that it's perfectly normal to have inner lips poking out , that are different sizes and purpley red !

There is a serious point to this thread - the normality of an ageing undercarriage and the impact of birth injuries on vulvas and vaginas. We’re accustomed to talking about birth trauma but this still seems more taboo.

I was lucky in a sense to be the last of my friendship circle to give birth, I’d heard all the tales by then! When I finally got pregnant, I told the gynae I’d seen what natural birth had done to my friends’ vaginas, anuses, continence and sex lives, and would be having an ELCS, thank you very much. She didn’t even argue. (DS was 10lb so I’m v grateful!)

That said, plain old getting older takes its toll even if you’ve never pushed a human out.

I have heard that when a man watches a birth it’s like he’s watching his favourite pub burn down 😂

I'm leaving this here in case it's of use or interest:

www.pelvicroar.org/

Loads of info on pelvic health, conditions, physio treatments, etc. One of the physios involved is the brilliant Elaine Miller (now showing at the Edinburgh Fringe with 'viva your vulva').

I am an ex nurse and used to work in Gynae / colposcopy clinics. Every women's vulva I have ever seen is different. Much like noses, we all have one and everyone is different. Does sound from what you described you may have a slight prolapse . If it isn't bothering you definitely do pelvic floor exercises to stop it getting any worse. You would know if you had a full blown prolapse. The best descriptions I have ever heard are it is having a soft boiled egg protruding or a soft satsuma! There are also things available to help you exercise (should you need them) like a Kegal or those wonderful electronic pants they showed on tv last week ( Women's health , Breaking the Taboos).

@Vapeyvapevape Yes, totally normal and not talked about often enough, it's refreshing to hear so many people being honest. Pre Internet it was nearly impossible to find images, outside porn mags, of normal looking vulvas. There's also a common opinion (usually among young men) who think 'beef curtains' (charming phrase) result from lots of promiscuous sex or getting old. Not so! Hormones during puberty can often change an innie to an outie. They're probably the same lot who think women can hold in period blood and we pee out of our vaginas.🙄

Ask your GP for some Vagifem, it will sort your vagina out a treat and bring your clitoris out of hiding. It’s great stuff, and at the very least, your next smear will be far less painful as a result.