To be traumatised by my own undercarriage?!

[NameChangeLifeChange]

As I was wiping this morning it felt a bit sensitive down below which is unusual so I thought I’d have a look and see what’s going on.

WELL

I haven’t looked at my vulva since my second DC was born three years ago and dear god I will never look again. My poor vulva which, let’s be honest wouldn’t have won a beauty contest before but was perfectly serviceable and ‘normal’ looking’, looks like it’s been blended. Or put through a washing machine. I don’t think there is anything ‘wrong’ with it (infection, prolapse etc) but it looks awful. The labia are fine but inside there’s like a squishy circle (?!) that’s all flappy and messy with protruding skin. I actually almost felt tearful and hugely embarrassed that DH has seen it in all its messy glory.

Is this normal?! I’ve had two vaginal births. I don’t have any pain, might get some caneston in case of thrush but I don’t think there’s a medical issue it’s just a hideous mess. I had a smear recently and kind practice nurse didn’t say anything and I assume she would of I’d have had an abundance of genital warts/prolapse.

On this thread reading that I thought ‘ooooo be careful there now’ 😂

Visions of laughing hard and regret

I am SO glad to read this thread. I remember after ds1 was born being so upset at how mangled it was and googling to see if it was normal. You hear so much about the vagina being able to stretch and go back, I had no idea that it absolutely wouldn’t.

I had an episiotomy and forceps with ds1 which also caused internal tearing, then had ds2 1 year later. He was enormous and I had a second degree tear. Then had my third baby recently who wasn’t as big but apparently came out at an odd angle and somehow managed to open up the episiotomy scar, internal tear scar, 2nd degree perineal scar and had additional grazes to the labia. FML. It looks like nothing on earth.

My foof has not aged well either, OP.

I used to go and buy sexy underwear before getting it on with DH. These days I just push my piles back in before doggy if he's lucky.

@MomwasCasual "I wouldn't be able to pick mine out of a line up" was today's "Wins the Internet" for me - I literally LOL'ed. So thank you for that!🍾

My husband says he'd use mine to identify my body should I ever be so badly injured that all other methods of identification are not possible

I have implemented foof Friday in my house and am proselytising about it with all my friends. In essence my position is that my DH must purchase any and all alcohol on Friday night and serve it to me because in having his daughter (only on a foof Friday is she 'his' daughter rest of the week she is ours!) I forever fucked up my foof and this is his means of recompense! I encourage all women to get involved! (Alcohol can be substituted for takeaway, chocolate, choice of Netflix etc)

MumEeeee, yep, I can see how you'd think that .... Lol! Also, I see that I put 'of', and it should have been 'off' .... blame the fact that I was hyperventilating from laughing so hard! 😀

A disappearing clit is a menopause symptom… you need testosterone but usually only available privately… because nhs is saving the testosterone for the men!

im of the opinion if I can’t see it I don’t have it. Don’t look at my arse in the mirror so I absolutely do not have cellulite and my fanny would definitely win a pageant show hands down. Dh agrees with me because he isn’t bloody stupid and doesn’t want a lifetime bsn

Mine was a sadist. I was asleep and woke up in stirrups with him stitiching me with no pain relief. The midwife rushed in when she heard me scream (my poor bruised undercarriage did not take well to the stitches) she knew I'd delivered without a murmur with no pain relief and couldn't understand what was wrong with me. When she asked him what was going on he admitted he wasn't using any pain relief so she made him give me an injection and gave me gas and air.

It was not a nice way to wake up and really sad after a wonderful labour and delivery. They could have filmed it for propaganda for natural childbirth, unfortunately the next 3 weren't the same but at least no sadist came at me with a needle and thread.

A few months after 2nd birth i took a glance and was really shocked by all the tears and stuff hanging out. The sight of my new low slung cervix poking out at certain times of the month was horrifying.

My arse hole is also a shocker. I had horrendous piles during 1st pregnancy and the baggy skin tags flapping about are not pretty. I recall during 2nd birth my husband wincing and mentioning the state of my A hole to the nurse - I should have killed him then and there.....

I seem to have the opposite problem to the baldness, mine is growing more than ever, I even get 2/3 pubes that grow in my c section scar, is that normal?

I have a friend that would like to know about piles too, do they go back if you use anusol regularly?

Yeah dropped pie here as well 😄 not that I’ve looked, but I can feel all sorts of random lumps of bits etc, also a doctor examining me once said ‘oh it’s been through a lot’ 😕🤣

If this thread isn't a classic then I'm a monkeys uncle...

This comment made me chuckle. 😁

I love this thread ❤️ ‘Foof Friday’ should be celebrated by women everywhere ❤️

Were these Dr's with their helpful comments men or women? Just curious 🤔
I have had lichen sclerosis too (no fare up for 2± years , possibly hormone related) and that gave me blood blisters on my labia. They were hard. Very odd.
Might be an old tale but I've always used as close to boiling water as possible on cotton wool to deal with arse grapes. Has worked for me.
I have lost a fair amount of weight recently. Unfortunately I'm no longer stretchy and now have a load of excess skin. Except for my mons.... my fat may have migrated there..... fml.

Best reply ever 🤣🤣🤣

@Forpoxsake I also have a hairy cs scar - thought the skin might have shifted, but that doesn’t explain why the scraggly pubes I have left are also halfway to my knees.

The only way to get rid of the Nobby Stiles it to have surgery to remove them. But the blighters soon pop out somewhere else. I used to laugh at the “dangleberries” gags in Viz - now it’s like they could see my future arsehole.

I have this, is there anything I should do?

I don't have incontinence but have to go to the loo a lot as don't "empty" properly.

I was thinking this the other day, I had a c-section too. I’m single since splitting with partner a few years back. I’ve got a couple of skin tags on bikini line that appeared from nowhere and my pigment has definitely changed. Looks a lot darker. Wonder if I meet a new guy just do it in the dark forever. Or maybe he would be ok with never doing it!

@Jillybloop393 if I ever get invited to a fancy dress party, this will be my costume .
Shove a bunch of leaves up my arse and go as a vineyard 😆🍇

Just laughed out loud and crying..woke H up...can't stop giggling

@ANewNameANewDay Is there a classics section????

SHOW ME.

These days I just push my piles back in before doggy if he's lucky.

Pissing myself🤣🤣🤣

Loving this thread!
However, am not peeking.. seven kids.. I'll just leave it alone..