To be traumatised by my own undercarriage?!

[NameChangeLifeChange]

As I was wiping this morning it felt a bit sensitive down below which is unusual so I thought I’d have a look and see what’s going on.

WELL

I haven’t looked at my vulva since my second DC was born three years ago and dear god I will never look again. My poor vulva which, let’s be honest wouldn’t have won a beauty contest before but was perfectly serviceable and ‘normal’ looking’, looks like it’s been blended. Or put through a washing machine. I don’t think there is anything ‘wrong’ with it (infection, prolapse etc) but it looks awful. The labia are fine but inside there’s like a squishy circle (?!) that’s all flappy and messy with protruding skin. I actually almost felt tearful and hugely embarrassed that DH has seen it in all its messy glory.

Is this normal?! I’ve had two vaginal births. I don’t have any pain, might get some caneston in case of thrush but I don’t think there’s a medical issue it’s just a hideous mess. I had a smear recently and kind practice nurse didn’t say anything and I assume she would of I’d have had an abundance of genital warts/prolapse.

[10HailMarys]

Totally normal and I assure you that your DH is absolutely happy with it. Despite what porn would have us believe, 99% of men absolutely do not care what your fanny looks like. They're just excited to be near one.

[misssunshine4040]

Maybe it was the angle you were looking ? Try lying down with a mirror and see if that makes a difference

[Butteryflakycrust83]

Oooh this happened to me a few weeks ago. I had a good ol look and it was like there was something between my urethra and vagina? It grossed me out and i am sure it wasnt like that before. Add to that sparse pubes everywhere apart from my bikini line, Peter the Pile hanging out my bumhole and labia that look like a wrinkled ballbag.

Husband absolutely gives no hoots!

I had a c section so I cant even blame a vaginal birth!

Honestly, I would forget about it!

[Hugasauras]

@10HailMarys

Totally normal and I assure you that your DH is absolutely happy with it. Despite what porn would have us believe, 99% of men absolutely do not care what your fanny looks like. They're just excited to be near one.

Yes, this!

[InChocolateWeTrust]

Your DH gives no shits what it looks like. Any fanny = good fanny from a blokes perspective.

Are you sure you don't have a mild degree of prolapse? Your description of a "squishy circle" sort of sounds like it. Many women do after children and it can vary through cycle as its hormone related. You might look 2 weeks later and find it all looks different. I find mine basically goes if I lose weight and exercise more.

[Taillighttoobright]

Thank God for threads like this one.

[Georgeskitchen]

5 Dc's so can you imagine? 🥵 First time I had a proper look I was horrified. Had smear tests and colposcopy and no HCP has ever gasped in horror 😳😳 so I've always assumed its quite normal 😅

[HRTQueen]

i was shocked at how dark my bum hole and surrounding area is (I was looking at a pile)

the whole area seems to have darkened with age

agree with others men don’t care like we don’t care their balls somehow become even uglier as they age

[NameChangeLifeChange]

@InChocolateWeTrust

Your DH gives no shits what it looks like. Any fanny = good fanny from a blokes perspective.

Are you sure you don't have a mild degree of prolapse? Your description of a "squishy circle" sort of sounds like it. Many women do after children and it can vary through cycle as its hormone related. You might look 2 weeks later and find it all looks different. I find mine basically goes if I lose weight and exercise more.

I did wonder this. I think I’ll risk another look (might need a shot of vodka first) in a couple of weeks. I don’t really have any symptoms of prolapse but equally it’s taken a beating so wouldn’t blame it for giving up the ghost!

[BeanieTeen]

I use a mirror quite regularly down there because I use hair removal cream rather than shave - and I need to see because I do get precariously close to areas that really should have no cream near it 😂 so I’m very desensitised to how things look down there, no vodka shot needed. I suggest you whip the mirror out more regularly, it will all seem much more normal so you don’t need to worry as much.

[purplecorkheart]

Sounds fairly normal although the squishy circle could be a prolapse as someone said.

[KvotheTheBloodless]

Sounds like a prolapse - they are relatively common, and women's healthcare is so shockingly underfunded and lacking in prominence that HCPs won't even bother to mention it unless you specifically ask. If it's mild, you can likely avoid surgery or a pessary and just heal it with appropriate pelvic floor exercises.

[Slimemonster]

Mines like a 'badly packed kebab' after 2 vaginal births, 1st one had stitches too.

[MomwasCasual]

I wouldn't be able to pick mine out of a line up.

It feels okay, my husband seems happy with it, some details I Do Not Need To Know.

[Odile13]

I felt like this after I had DD. It looks different. It feels a bit different too. Not saying it’s terrible, but it freaked me out when I first looked and I’m still having to adjust to be honest. I’m glad you’ve mentioned it OP because I think probably a lot of women feel the same.

[ApronLady89]

I cried when I looked at my vagina post birth! It has gotten a bit better 5 months postpartum...but it really is a gaping hole.

[Starlight86]

@10HailMarys

Totally normal and I assure you that your DH is absolutely happy with it. Despite what porn would have us believe, 99% of men absolutely do not care what your fanny looks like. They're just excited to be near one.

I fucking love this response!

[imisscashmere]

This thread is really refreshing. Usually you hear about how everything “goes back to normal”.

I’m 2 months postpartum with my second baby, and luckily for me everything is functioning normally (although I haven’t had sex yet). But cosmetically things look VERY different, and I’m sure they always will. This is normal. And it doesn’t matter.

[TheSandgroper]

I saw a tv report once where the pretty young journalist bailed up a bunch of blokes and asked “what do you look for in a vagina?”

Cue a stunned silence (whatever they thought she would ask wasn’t that) and one bloke managed to come up with “clean”. They all fell on it and agreed clean is good and one bright spark also said a vagina that was happy to see him was also good.

No one mentioned hair, tightness or anything. It was really very funny at the time.

And then there is www.bbcselect.com/watch/100-vaginas/#:~:text=Laura%20Dodsworth's%20project%20to%20photograph,questioning%20how%20bodies%20become%20taboo.
or in Aus www.sbs.com.au/ondemand/video/1544706627507/100-vaginas

[LindsayStauffer]

OP, if you're really disturbed then book a GP appt and go have an examination. They'll be able to tell you if there's anything actually wrong or reassure you that you're perfectly normal.

I think a lot of this is to do with the notion that's pushed on us that childbirth doesn't actually damage your vagina/vulva at all and it bounces right back. It's actually pretty normal for your genital area to look and be very different after something as physically traumatic as birth. Some people heal and look and feel just the same but absolutely not everyone. Lots of people have tears that heal funny or labia that are torn or random flaps of skin that appear! When you consider what your vulva has been through birthing two babies it makes perfect sense it wouldn't still look the same way it did before.

I hope that in time you can find a way to feel more comfortable and confident about how you look and feel down there. I echo a PP suggestion to look more frequently. Become accustomed and acquainted with it. It's your body so it's good to know what it looks like!

[HannahSternDefoe]

@Slimemonster

Mines like a 'badly packed kebab' after 2 vaginal births, 1st one had stitches too.

I've read someone describe it as a "punched lasagne" before...
thankfully I don't like kebabs but I haven't made lasagne since
😂

[RudsyFarmer]

@HannahSternDefoe

I've read someone describe it as a "punched lasagne" before...
thankfully I don't like kebabs but I haven't made lasagne since
😂

😂

[LindsayStauffer]

@imisscashmere

This thread is really refreshing. Usually you hear about how everything “goes back to normal”.

I’m 2 months postpartum with my second baby, and luckily for me everything is functioning normally (although I haven’t had sex yet). But cosmetically things look VERY different, and I’m sure they always will. This is normal. And it doesn’t matter.

YES! I know the 'it all goes back to normal of course' comments are meant to be reassuring but for many women it really, truly doesn't.

[sarahc336]

Thank god for threads like this: mine too is a mess after second vaginal birth 😂, I had stitches twice in the same place that area looks particular odd, it's not been stitched up straight but it functions and birthed two children so I just accept it for it is now 😂😂 xx

[Coastalcreeksider]

Crikey, I have never given birth and when I looked a few years back as I was inexplicably a bit sore, I had to lie down afterwards, I was really shocked at how old it looked.

Which is really daft, everything else ages and you can tell it has so why would I think the old chuff wouldn't!