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Original poster

Bit her during labour

245 replies

IcantbelieveIjustdidthat · 03/08/2021 21:18

Bit my sisters hand during DS labour. She won't let me live it down.
I'd had so many drugs and god knows what to numb the pain, wasn't allowed to eat anything as I was high risk for a c-section, was so hungry and I heard someone mention a sausage roll (nobody did apparently) and I thought she was handing it to me to eat. I was very delirious! She is laughing about it now.

I feel so awful but AIBU to think it's not the craziest thing someone has done?

OP posts:
bleachblondemom · 04/08/2021 15:07

@BruceAndNosh I am HOWLING thanks for that 😂😂

And OP your story is hilarious too, don’t let it get to you :) when I was on the gas and air I didn’t realise I was fully shouting every time I spoke, I thought I was just talking at normal volume. Like a very obnoxious drunk person.

HopingForOurRainbowBaby · 04/08/2021 15:07

@PeaAndHamSoupFromAChicken

I can't stop laughing at "I'm a glove puppet". 😂

With DC1 I asked them to take away the monkey they'd given me and give me my baby instead.

DC2 I had a water birth but my back pain was horrendous so I had way too much gas and air at the same time. I took great offence to the top I was wearing, stripped it off and flung it (sopping wet) right across the room when the midwife nipped out for a minute. She came back to find me completely starkers, floating in a star position with my vag facing the door to greet her as she entered. Blush

To make it even worse she's the mum of a friend of mine and I still struggle to speak to her without imagining what I must have looked like to her.

Howling 😂
Original poster
IcantbelieveIjustdidthat · 04/08/2021 15:38

I'm happy for this to be moved whenever you are ready.
It was nice to read so many funny stories! Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
IcantbelieveIjustdidthat · 04/08/2021 15:51

@HopeMumsnet

OP posts:
ArabellaScott · 04/08/2021 16:00

@Bearfrills

DH has just reminded me that with DC1, while off my tits on gas, I asked the consultant which Thunderbird he was. He had white hair and big, black bushy eyebrows. Apparently this reminded me of someone from Thunderbirds.
Grin
MotherOfDemons · 04/08/2021 16:36

I got out of the birthing pool and left the room naked. Wasn't doing it any more apparently and the baby would just have to stay in there.

MotherofPearl · 04/08/2021 17:09

I had remifentanil when in labour with DS. I hallucinated I was lying on the hall floor in my house, when in fact I was obviously in a hospital bed. Didn't stop me wailing self-pityingly to DP and the midwife "why have you just left me lying here in the hall?"

Fast forward a few hours and DS was refusing to be born, so they offered to switch me to an epidural as I was exhausted, and it looked like I might need an assisted delivery. I remember turning to DP and saying in a horribly aggressive snarl, "I'm having an epidural and DON'T EVEN FUCKING TRY AND TALK ME OUT OF IT." The poor man hadn't said a word. I don't normally swear. Blush

Bearfrills · 04/08/2021 17:16

"I'm having an epidural and DON'T EVEN FUCKING TRY AND TALK ME OUT OF IT." The poor man hadn't said a word

Grin

DH asked me if I wanted something stringer than gas, I told him "I don't want nothing off nobody and especially not YOU!"

Confrontayshunme · 04/08/2021 17:30

That is the best description of gas and air ever. Not a lot of pain relief, just the sense that you have done something you can't take back for a few hours.

dalmatianmad · 04/08/2021 17:50

These have all cheered up so much 😍

Apparently I told the midwives (ds is now 18) that as Sister in the Emergency Department they should bloody well respect me and have more respect for my predicament and get my fucking baby out ASAP or I would make sure they had a disciplinary.
I kept repeating "Do you know who I am and where I work" (I am a Sister in ED)

Dp was modified because I never tell anyone where I work.

I dread having to take a patient to labour ward now and put my head down in any maternity meetings that I have to attend.

MrsChuckBass · 04/08/2021 19:00

I thought the number on the gas and air was a number of a man trying to chat me up and demanded DP hunt him down. It was the help number incase something wasn't working Grin

LadyCluck · 04/08/2021 21:47

Best. Thread. Ever.
I started reading this last night whilst giving my baby a dream feed but had to stop as I was shaking with laughter so much I almost woke her up.

ToykotoLosAngeles · 04/08/2021 21:58

I went from 4cm to 10cm in an hour and there was much panic because I was still on the shared ward. I'd insisted on stripping and they asked if I could get dressed and walk a couple of doors down to the labour room as there really wasn't time to move my bed. I point blank refused to get dressed to do so - "It's fine! It's only other women in labour, they don't care if they can see my boobs." I tried to set off walking in nothing but my Ugg boots.

Got dressed, walked, undressed, slammed a foot into each stirrup, 3 silent contractions and shot DS out with a massive HNNNNNNGH noise. I gave birth with my bra dangling off my drip stand.

stellaisabella · 04/08/2021 22:17

I had a 42 hour labour, 2 epidurals, the stuff they inject - Pethodin? Gas and air and a spinal block finally in theatre, I was so off my face by that point, I thought the anaesthetist was Robert Carlyle and kicked right off that he wasn't qualified to be assisting with my delivery.
Poor bloke was so nice to me when I came round a bit, i couldn't have apologised more and he stayed to hold my hand when being stitched up as my daughter was rushed straight to the ICU not breathing. Fake Robert was a complete babe.

JumpJumpSlide · 04/08/2021 22:41

😂 @IcantbelieveIjustdidthat
Your poor sister!

Thank you for starting this thread had a good read. Glad to see it's going to be moved to classics!

Well deserved GrinGrin

feb2022 · 04/08/2021 23:02

I can't remember most of DS1 birth
But apparently I was singing the pokemon theme tune and shouting
"Pikachu I choose you".... to a yellow sharps box on the wall 😁

BastardMonkfish · 04/08/2021 23:11

I asked the anaesthetist during my first section if he had any kids and when he said no, if he wanted any. It definitely sounded like a come on and I've cringed about it for years. Went in for another section a few weeks ago and who was the anaesthetist?! Definitely couldn't be accused of chatting him up second time round, I was too busy puking into my ear.

lurker69 · 05/08/2021 11:14

when i was in labour i told the midwife i needed a poo she told me i didn't i needed to push! Most offended i ranted 'im 28 years old and this is my 3rd baby i think i know when i need to go for a shit' then promptly did said shit on the bed Blush my husbands just sitting in the corner laughing at the situation. The shame!

MNHQ
KimMumsnet · 11/08/2021 17:00

Rightio, we're moving this thread over to Classics now.

Reading these posts really brings it all back (I defo didn't swear at the obstetrician who was only trying to help me when I was giving birth to DD1, honest...)

DaneMum · 13/08/2021 11:46

I smacked my midwife's hand while she was feeling my bump during a contraction - I was so high on gas and air and for some reason I was convinced her hand was some kind of giant insect. I immediately realised my mistake and wailed: "Sorry! I thought you were a beetle!"

BreadmanAndCake · 19/08/2021 12:29

Only just stumbled across this thread but I'm hissing with laughter, particularly at the starfish in birthing pool situation.

During a very long Labour with my first, I began hallucinating that colleagues of mine were peering round the door at me. Shouted at my husband for letting people know that I was in labour Grin

When asked if I had lost my plug, proceeded to say 'yes, and it keeps coming. I feel like a magician pulling a magic scarf from a hat' which I thought was quite eloquently put.

Natsku · 22/08/2021 21:06

They forgot to take the gas and air off me after I gave birth to my second (they had to give it back after the birth while they dealt with my haemorrhage because it was really painful but didn't take it back after they finished dealing with it) and I was huffing away on it for a long time, half dreaming as I had been awake for two days, when I suddenly shouted out "Things are happening but I don't think they're real!". The midwife typing up the paperwork in the corner of the room burst out laughing and they took the gas and air away from me not long after that.

Tomselleckhaskindeyes · 23/08/2021 07:40

When i gave birth to my twins the registrar started telling me the risks if i needed to go into surgery in a very serious manner. I was off my face on gas and air so was just laughing and giggling at her. Turns out all was well and didn't need surgery! Gas and air would be my drug of choice!

ArrrMeHearties · 25/08/2021 08:56

This thread has properly made me laugh reading it 😂

namechangedasscared · 25/08/2021 10:40

Brilliant thread!

For my DS1 I was determined to have a water birth. They gave me pethadine quite early on and I was told I couldn’t go in the pool until I was 4 hours clear of having had that and she least 7cm dilated. There was another woman in labour also wanting to use the only pool so it was a “race”. 4 hours later, pretty much to the minute, I was at 7cm and told they’d go get it ready for me - I pretty much started to get myself up and changing into my tankini I had bought for the occasion to be told it was going to take a while to run it. Finally gets to the time and they tell me I have to leave the gas and air behind, but they’d be more in the pool room. So I waited for a contraction, got through it then took a massive lungful and said “let’s go” - I pretty much started running down the hall screaming at my husband and the midwife to hurry up because I needed to get back to the gas!

Anyway, got in the pool and the pain relief from the water was amazing. Didn’t need the gas! They said it was too hot really, but could leave it for a bit as it was helping. The pain soon started to intensify so I got back on the gas. Then they turned the shower head on with cold water to cool the pool down. I suddenly got so, so hot they gave me the shower head to spray myself and cool down. So one hand was on the shower head, the other on the gas and air mouthpiece. Suddenly had a big contraction and just slid straight under the water! My husband had to grab me and pull me up - he said I was trying to use the gas like a scuba oxygen tank mouthpiece! After that he had to hold onto me to make sure I didn’t do it again (I had massive bruises from where he was holding onto me).

With DS2 I remember starting to cry and saying I was scared. My husband said “why are you scared? You’ve done this before!” My absolute rock of a midwife leaned into him and said “perhaps that’s WHY she’s scared” - shut him right up!

With DS3 I was in the birthing pool and in horrendous pain. I was BEGGING for an epidural - the midwife looked at my husband and asked him and he said no! So she said let’s try some pethadine but you’ll need to get out of the pool. I turned around, got up real close in her face and said “you can fuck right off of you think I’m getting out of this water” (I’m not normally like that at all - when I remembered the next day I was mortified and found her to apologise to). I did get out, pethadine was as useless as it was with my first son. I get to the pushing stage - husband told the midwife I wasn’t using the gas properly so they took it away from me (I absolutely was using it properly). The level of pain I was in was unreal (I’m crying thinking about it actually and this is nearly 10 years ago) so I tried to bite my husbands hand (it seemed fair as he took away the thing I could bite down on). Then we were having an argument about the baby name - I desperately wanted one name but he really didn’t. So I was yelling “come on xxxx” and he kept saying through gritted teeth “his name is not xxxx”. I kept doing it! Then I asked the midwife if she thought I should be the one to name the baby as I go through the pain - but she wouldn’t be drawn in to the argument (maybe if I’d not told her to fuck right off she’d have been more supportive to be fair).

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