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Original poster

Bit her during labour

245 replies

IcantbelieveIjustdidthat · 03/08/2021 21:18

Bit my sisters hand during DS labour. She won't let me live it down.
I'd had so many drugs and god knows what to numb the pain, wasn't allowed to eat anything as I was high risk for a c-section, was so hungry and I heard someone mention a sausage roll (nobody did apparently) and I thought she was handing it to me to eat. I was very delirious! She is laughing about it now.

I feel so awful but AIBU to think it's not the craziest thing someone has done?

OP posts:
Waspsarearseholes · 03/08/2021 22:06

I remember the midwife saying that's enough about vol-u-vents...

This has really tickled me 😆

ABitOfAShitShow · 03/08/2021 22:06

Thank you for making me laugh on a joyless night, ladies. Properly laughing at some of these.

SnoopyLights · 03/08/2021 22:08

I ordered my DH to kick a nurse because I couldn't reach her. He refused, which is probably for the best.

I had been in labour for bloody hours, they'd given me all sorts of medication and pain relief and I was on an antibiotic drip, and one of them had stuck the thing in the back of my hand (cannula?) but not done it properly and a jet of blood shot across the room and hit the wall, and eventually I lost all sensation to push and only knew the lower half of my body was still there because it was in agonising pain, and then after all that and hours of no sleep or food, this one nurse decided to say "You're not helping your baby by just sitting there" and that was it. I would have kicked her myself if I'd had any control of my legs (and if they'd been longer because she stood well back before dropping in that comment) so I ordered him to kick her for me.

Luckily for everyone, shortly after that I hallucinated that I was flying a plane in the war and that kept me so busy I didn't even realise DS was born. There was quite the argument about it when I realised there was a baby on me, I took some convincing that it was mine.

Mumvschildren · 03/08/2021 22:08

In labour with no4
My mother is a larger lady and she wasn’t wearing a bra
We got to the ‘push baby out’ stage and I grabbed her hand and what I thought was her top-and twisted-hard (what can I say?he had a massive head!)
Out comes baby and I let go
It wasn’t her top I’d grabbed
It was her nipple
She showed me the next day and it was almost black with bruises-I think it took about 3 weeks to turn a lovely shade of yellow and for the swelling to go down

Opps

UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 03/08/2021 22:08

I peed on my midwife (obviously by accident!) and surprised myself by blurting out “yeah, well, she deserved it.” 😳

I’ll hasten to add, the midwife was lovely and in no way did she deserve it!

Itsbeen84yearss · 03/08/2021 22:10

I nearly wrenched the midwifes arm off begging her for drugs. She had to push me off. I kept worrying afterwards that she might put an assault claim inConfused

Reallyreallyborednow · 03/08/2021 22:10

I hallucinated I was having twins. I had two uteruses, which were contracting at opposite times so the pain was constant.

Made absolutely perfect sense to me at the time. I was just about to lecture the midwife on my impending twin birth, when they took the gas and air off me to wheel me to theatre. Which is when it hit me that no, on uterus, and the pain in between the contractions was placental abruption 😟. Funnily enough, i was just relieved I hadn’t told the team of drs, nurses and surgeons about my double uterus and twin birth, rather than panicking about my actual, very worrying situation…Hmm

HollaHolla · 03/08/2021 22:11

@SunshineCake

Offered to sell my toddler while under the influence of a GA BlushSad.
Were there any takers? Grin
MirandaMarple · 03/08/2021 22:11

@Peoniesandpeaches a palliative care nurse asked my Dad to stop swearing in grave pain days before he died. I did briefly consider it unnecessary of the nurse but I guess who wants such aggressive words to add to such fraught times? The nurse suggested my Dad used an alternative word, and he did, bless him (he was quite a sweary man but also an extremely polite and thoughtful one) The nurse was wonderful though, he gave me a big non-compliant hug (during COVID) when my Dad died.

Roseyleaf · 03/08/2021 22:12

I was so out of it on pethidine I thought my dh was a doctor.

Then I fell asleep and they had to wake me up to push the baby out.

Putthekettleon2021 · 03/08/2021 22:13

These are brilliant!

Nothing as crazy as some of you but when I was being told all the risks of the epidural I told the anaesthetic that I was in a lot of fucking pain and just to get on with it. Never got told off for swearing at him. Usually I'm the most mild mannered person you could meet! He came back later and said 'we seem to be a lot more comfortable now' poor guy!

FaintlyMacabre · 03/08/2021 22:14

I grabbed a massive handful of DH’s chest hair (through his shirt, he wasn’t topless) and pulled/twisted it at the height of one contraction Grin

SunshineCake · 03/08/2021 22:15

@HollaHolla I can't remember but one woman said she didn't want him SadAngry. Her loss. He's great.

beigebrownblue · 03/08/2021 22:16

I basically insisted on standing on a chair (yes, in late labour) with wires attached to monitor my DD's heartbeat.

It was fine. But staff might have thought it was a bit odd.

Also giving the surgeon jip. All the midwives thought I was doing fine and DD's heartbeat also fine, but surgeon turned up and tried to get me to sign forms for an emergency c section.

I told him where to go in no uncertain terms.

thirty seconds later ish DD was born, absolutely fine.

In amongst all that I also used copious f words to address my ex husband saying i would never want to have anything to do with him ever again and it was all his fault.

I kind of stand by that...

The hospital midwife when it was all done and I was too weak to stand after fourty hours in labour ish, wheeled me and babes into the lift and gave me a kiss on the cheek to say how well she thought i had done...

I will always remember it. Thanks midwifery team.

LadyMaid · 03/08/2021 22:16

I pointed in my midwives face and told her she was so so so pretty.

Original poster
IcantbelieveIjustdidthat · 03/08/2021 22:17

I've also just been informed that I told the dr (who came to 'assess the situation') to get his big massive shovel hands away from me, my lady bits are already tearing enough. I do not remember that...

OP posts:
ArabellaScott · 03/08/2021 22:19

@Ohbuggeroffcovid

My midwife turned me on my side and suggested I put my leg in the air to push out dd.

I burst into tears and said why are you trying to make me do exercise now isn’t it bad enough.

And I got told off for saying fuck.

Grin

Fabulous.

I recall trying to explain to all the assembled circus HCPs, midwives, anaesthetist and ObGyn about the studies I'd read on the pain relieving properties of swearing. While swearing. And apologising. Repeatedly.

'FUck'.
'Sorry'.
'FUCK'.
'Sorry'. Ad infinitum.

PopAyetheSailorMam · 03/08/2021 22:20

OP If that happened in our family you’d be getting a wee supplemental Greggs voucher Xmas and Birthdays til one of us died.

NothingIsWrong · 03/08/2021 22:21

I cried when DD was born and they said she was a girl because I actually wanted a kitten.

WhenTheDragonsCame · 03/08/2021 22:22

When I was in labour with DD3 I had two friends with me and the midwife asked if I normally talked so much. I would be talking away, stop when a contraction started and start talking again as it eased off. At one point I remember talking about Gordon Brown! I think it was the excess gas and air!

30scrisis · 03/08/2021 22:25

The shame after mind 🙈 I bit my mum during one of my labours, the midwife told me off 😳

buckeejit · 03/08/2021 22:25

Thank you all-these are great. I'm very sad tonight & laughing through my tears is really helping

whatwasIgoingtosay · 03/08/2021 22:25

I bit DH's arm - hard!

beigebrownblue · 03/08/2021 22:26

@LadyMaid

I pointed in my midwives face and told her she was so so so pretty.
Aw. how lovely
Givemebackmylilo · 03/08/2021 22:26

@buckeejit

Thank you all-these are great. I'm very sad tonight & laughing through my tears is really helping
I hope tomorrow is a happier day for you Smile