Bit her during labour

[IcantbelieveIjustdidthat]

Bit my sisters hand during DS labour. She won't let me live it down.
I'd had so many drugs and god knows what to numb the pain, wasn't allowed to eat anything as I was high risk for a c-section, was so hungry and I heard someone mention a sausage roll (nobody did apparently) and I thought she was handing it to me to eat. I was very delirious! She is laughing about it now.

I feel so awful but AIBU to think it's not the craziest thing someone has done?

Oh and afterwards DH said ‘I’m exhausted, I need to go home and sleep!’

I was a bit annoyed as it was morning and partners could stay 8am-8pm, so I made him get my breakfast first. Then he went home and slept for the day, woke at 10pm and returned the following morning. He kept saying how exhausted he was from watching me in Labour and standing by the bed all that time 😂 It’s funny now but annoyed me at the time!

I barely slept the 3 days I was in hospital (babies waking every couple of hours to feed, nurse waking me every 2 hours to express colostrum, cleaner switching all the lights on by accident at 1am!) By the time I got home I was nearly hallucinating from sleep deprivation!

I asked the nurse out for drinks coming around from an OP once. Guess I felt rather tipsy with the drugs at the time!

I was convinced that the doctor stitching me up was The Bride from Kill Bill, and kept shouting at her through my wide open legs "Are you SURE you're not Uma Thurman?"

I was my sister's birthing partner for her second child.
At the height of her contractions she was actually on all fours underneath the bed. She was snarling, howling and attempting to bite anyone who went near her, like a mad cornered dog.
I ended up on all fours peering under the bed trying to coax her out with no luck.
I was so frustrated that in the end I shouted...what do you want, a fucking bonio?
The midwife fell about laughing.
She eventually gave birth on the floor.

@Ruthietuthie

Like *@LadyMaid*, I too, hallucinating with pain, thought my midwife was incredibly pretty. According to my husband, for two hours, I told the poor (attractive, but quite ordinary looking) woman that she was the most gorgeous person I had ever seen. I remember that she was surrounded with a halo, like a saint, and absolutely glowed. I even asked if she had ever considered being a model...

🙂

Mine was very flattered.

And I haven't the faintest memory of what she actually looks like.

For those that had a change of personality whilst on gas and air and other pain relief, do you react this way to alcohol?

I am just curious as I have never touched a drop of alcohol so don't know what kind of drunk I would be.

I am very mild mannered usually and the gas and air made me emotional and I kept switching from giggling to crying about minor things like how English chippys don't do fried pizza and chippy sauce.

I was so upset about the fried pizza.

@LadyMaid Well I don't scream, shout and generally try to punch people when I'm drunk no.
I tend to just fall asleep in a corner somewhere.

@LadyMaid

Yes, it was like I got when I had one to many on a night out!
Don't drink at all now though

I am reading this at work and crying with laughter - one of the grads just came over to ask if I was ok oh dear how embarrassing

I was turning my head from one side to the other, DH asked me what I was doing.

Well, I was watching the ski-jumpers of course!

Diamorphine is bloody wonderful.

Hello all, we reckon this should go into Classics, but we might leave it in AIBU for a bit longer, so just give us a shout when you're ready for it to cross over... we are absolutely howling at the temporary blindness!

Currently 35 weeks with my first and I've enjoyed this thread alot! Can't wait to see what kind of crazy I come up with!!

Own it
When she recalls the tale tell everyone she tasted disgusting

@Mseddy

You will have to come back and let us l know if you do have any funny tales to tell! Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!

@HopeMumsnet

Aww yay!

@MyShoelaceIsUndone

It was the worst tasting sausage roll I've ever tasted

Almost 35 weeks with my first and this thread has had me crying tears of laughter! Goodness knows what I'll get up to🤣

Post birth I took off my gown and wandered naked into the en-suite loo and had a wee with the door open, with DH, midwife and student midwife enjoying a full frontal view of me sitting on the bog. The midwife very kindly came and closed the door to give me some privacy! I know they see plenty of naked bodies but I still blush about that one.

When I managed to get my first shower post EMCS while DH watched the baby it was quite the treat. I'm in the shower trying to gently remove gunked up dressings and I start to think something is wrong, I then realise i've still got my glasses on, gently remove them and pop them outside the curtain. Still washing and still feeling something is wrong, i look down and realise i have still have my slippers on - they were suede....

My friend was an only child and had never been around babies very much until she had her own. So, she's in hospital it's night time and her new baby DS has been sick all over himself and had a giant poo which is everywhere, she's crying and doesn't know what to do. Lovely kindly midwife takes her in hand and since they are all awake anyway, takes her and shows her how to give him a bath etc.

Roll on a few months and her DM pops in to visit just as baby has done a poo and needs changed, friend gets a bath ready and her mum comments "he looks really clean already, did he have a bath this morning?" friend replies "yes, but he's now poo'd?"

Turns out she has been bathing the baby every time he'd been sick or poo'd....

I’d had no drugs at all giving birth so can’t even use them as an excuse, but every time I pushed I could only start pushing if I a) shouted/mooed and b) dunked my face in my birthing pool and blew bubbles. Poor midwife kept trying to turn me over and I wasn’t having any of it!

I was exhausted, in pain and hungry when the anaesthetist arrived to do my Epidural. He started to introduce himself and explain what was going on and I made a zipping motion by his lips and said “less talking more action”
I was very embarrassed once the pain stopped and I had a biscuit

I love gas and air, I had it with DC1.

I hallucinated that there was a cat under the bed but it had a human face, kept giggling to myself about it then shush DH whenever he looked at me to see why I was giggling. I told him all about the cat but explained that we had to be quiet so the midwife didn't find out because she'd throw it out.

The lady in the next room was being quite loud and we could hear her except I thought it was me making the noise so everyone she shouted or cried I was apologising. A lot. Woman shouts, "I am so sorry!" the midwife explains it wasn't me, woman shouts again "oh my god, I am very very sorry about that" and repeat.

After pushing for three hours they decided I might be more focused without the gas and air so tried to take it off me. I was having none of it and wouldn't let go of the pipe. They were telling me "we need that now" and I replied "I need it more!" so they asked again and I said no, it's mine. It took two of them to get it away, one to hold the pipe and one to gently pry my fingers off it. I had a knotted sheet that I'd been pulling against when pushing, I felt like I need the leverage? They decided that was a distraction too and took it away so I hooked my fingers under the mattress and pulled against that instead, managed to put a big rip in the rubber cover.

They gave me the gas back when they did my stitches and I tearfully made them promise that they wouldn't stitch my virginity back together

I remember the midwife saying that's enough about vol-u-vents

I kept asking for my dog during labour with my second 😂 my DH understood (my dog has a crazy calming affect on me) but the midwives looked very confused 😂