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Original poster

Bit her during labour

245 replies

IcantbelieveIjustdidthat · 03/08/2021 21:18

Bit my sisters hand during DS labour. She won't let me live it down.
I'd had so many drugs and god knows what to numb the pain, wasn't allowed to eat anything as I was high risk for a c-section, was so hungry and I heard someone mention a sausage roll (nobody did apparently) and I thought she was handing it to me to eat. I was very delirious! She is laughing about it now.

I feel so awful but AIBU to think it's not the craziest thing someone has done?

OP posts:
CorvusPurpureus · 03/08/2021 23:48

Oh & after I had ds, I was happily pain free because of endorphins & the lingering effects of the epidural.

By the small hours, not so much. I felt like I'd been repeatedly kicked by a horse. Oral painkillers really weren't doing much for it.

Change of shift, new nurse takes one look at me, in a sobbing sweaty mess, & sorts out a suppository painkiller.

Great, so I'm bent over the bed with a stranger poking the suppository up my bum, as we make polite chat about how I teach at the local school, her nephews go there, ah yes I know the older one, etc etc.

Her dds subsequently also attended a few years later. Can't say I ever entirely got over the recollection, at parents' evening, that the woman I was chatting to about her kids' homework had had her finger up my bottom.

She was absolutely lovely, both as a nurse & as a student's parent, but I can't pretend it didn't feel slightly odd as I sternly informed her that young 'Bethany' definitely needed to pull her socks up in order to hit her GCSE target.

Sitchervice · 03/08/2021 23:49

I was quite drugged up in my labour, I saw a dog in the room and asked why it was there.

I also told the midwife and everyone else in the room (could have been a marching band for all I knew) to stop telling me I was doing well.

My husband likened me to golum 🤣

OverTheRubicon · 03/08/2021 23:50

In all of my labours, I've at some stage insisted on getting completely naked. After doing it the first time I swore not to do it again, as dc1 had some complications and it was a bit embarrassing to realise as he was placed on my chest that the room was pretty full of people who'd seen literally every inch of me, but still did it every time. Confused Blush

lilmishap · 03/08/2021 23:53

@CovidCorvid Oh god it wasn't in Leicester was it? I apparently punched a midwife while in labour which was a surprise because I didn't know I could punch.

I felt fucking terrible when I was told.

Tiana4 · 04/08/2021 00:03

Not quite at the pushing part, but after 12 hours in a very long & high risk labour at 5cm constant contractions close together, I launched myself up, waddled to the door down the corridor heading straight for the exit doors from maternity ward Shouting "I don't think I'll have a baby today, nope don't want to... I'm going home... I'll come back an' have the baby another day!"

They only caught up to me cos contractions stopped me

It took a bit of persuading tearful me that @... yes I did have to have the baby , we couldn't just push him back up again and do it another day.." GrinGrin

I have no idea what I was thinking but I blame the pethadine

Seyeryduj · 04/08/2021 00:04

I’d been in labour since first thing in the morning and by the time they had a shift change 12 hours later I was pretty out of it. I greeted the doctor who came in to check me over with “ooh you’re new! Well, I’m sure you’re not ‘new’, but, new to my vagina”.

IJustLikeBiscuitsOK · 04/08/2021 00:05

This thread is everything, @mumsnet please can this go in Classics? I haven't laughed like this in forever.

PyongyangKipperbang · 04/08/2021 00:05

During my labour with youngest DD I bit my STBXH (no divorce yet due to covid). Except that I had just found out about the amount of cheating he had done, most of it during my pregnancy, so I did it on purpose and HARD.

He brought it up once to which I said "I bit you, you fucked every woman who would take you". Never mentioned it again oddly enough.

However.....my sister still brings up the fact that I was sort of self hypnotising myself during DC4's birth, she was there with my ex DH. Any noise put me off and I got cross at them talking over my head. Her version, which to be honest of fairly accurate, was me shouting "STOP FUCKING TALKING!!!!" and she kindly said that they were sorry and would be quiet but no, I wanted silence. What makes her laugh is that her and exDH were mouthing to each other (about me...was I ok? Should they call a midwife?) and I lost my shit and shouted "I CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING MIMING!!!!!" In my defence, I could! And it really was putting me off :o

CorvusPurpureus · 04/08/2021 00:13

& with dc3 I was very insistent that I needed to go for a poo but I'd pop back from the loo afterwards & have the baby, it'd be fine, I just needed to take a dump first & then I'd definitely be ready to crack on with this giving birth malarkey.

It had to be gently explained that I was needing to push a baby out, not a poo, & yes the midwife was confident that this was the case because she'd caught & disposed of quite a lot of my shit not 10 minutes previously.

Workinghardeveryday · 04/08/2021 00:16

Tried to bribe my midwife with free service in my line of work for an epidural - which I didn’t get

IcannotbelieveIjustdidthat · 04/08/2021 00:16

@ImFallingApartAt27

100% normal apparently! I panicked and told midwife I was going nuts with Ds2. Kept seeing penguins dancing around an igloo with a little Eskimo fishing... I still now think what the hell! Apparently I was singing about Eskimos.
It's scary stuff!

Rachie1973 · 04/08/2021 00:16

With my 4th and last I was expecting a home birth. My previous 2 had been fast and efficient. Then the Doctor told me he believed I was having a 10lb baby and he’d rather I had it in hospital in case of a shoulder getting stuck or something. I was pissed off as I’d had no issues with my previous 9lb14 baby, but in the end I went 2 weeks over so reluctantly agreed to an induction.

Duly arrived and went into labour spontaneously of course!

Started on the gas and air, within 3 minutes I’d noticed a sign on the wall about shoulder dystocia.

As the gas and air fuddled my brain I refused point blank to open my legs. I kept telling anyone that would listen that the baby was stuck and they needed to push it back up and let me go home.

My ex and DM were literally begging me to open my legs. Eventually my mum prised one leg out to be greeted with a baby that damned near torpedoed across the room.

She was 8lb 2 lol

IcannotbelieveIjustdidthat · 04/08/2021 00:18

@IcantbelieveIjustdidthat

I've just noticed your username! Grin

MilduraS · 04/08/2021 00:19

When the contractions got bad I asked my DP to take off his belt so I could bite on it. He was confused but obliged.

Towards the end I was knackered and things weren't going well. I had the doctor and two nurses trying to keep me awake and telling me to push so I burst into tears and wailed "why won't they leave me alooone?" at DP.

All I'd had was an epidural so i can't even blame it on the drugs.

Original poster
IcantbelieveIjustdidthat · 04/08/2021 00:20

🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
IcantbelieveIjustdidthat · 04/08/2021 00:21

@IcannotbelieveIjustdidthat

OP posts:
PeaAndHamSoupFromAChicken · 04/08/2021 00:26

I can't stop laughing at "I'm a glove puppet". 😂

With DC1 I asked them to take away the monkey they'd given me and give me my baby instead.

DC2 I had a water birth but my back pain was horrendous so I had way too much gas and air at the same time. I took great offence to the top I was wearing, stripped it off and flung it (sopping wet) right across the room when the midwife nipped out for a minute. She came back to find me completely starkers, floating in a star position with my vag facing the door to greet her as she entered. Blush

To make it even worse she's the mum of a friend of mine and I still struggle to speak to her without imagining what I must have looked like to her.

EmeraldShamrock · 04/08/2021 00:27

Oh no. Drugs make you do funny things.
I had surgery afterwards the surgeon came to reassure me all went well, it was late I was dazed when I was thanking him he was close to me as other patients were sleeping, I leaned to kiss him I'll never forget his face. 😂

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 04/08/2021 00:28

Unplanned home birth with DD, Paramedics ambled in, obviously thinking there was no rush and then realised DD really was imminent. I was making the most guttural primal noises imaginable, totally starkers in front of two male paramedics, on my knees on the bathroom floor, bellowing in agony.
ExP: I told her to lie down, but she won't listen to me, you know what women are like
Me; I FUCKING HEARD THAT
Paramedic: Stop shouting, you're not helping yourself!
Me: STOP FUCKING SHOUTING AT ME (I think my head actually rotated 180 degrees at that point)

In my defence, it was a terrifyingly quick labour and ExP was far more of a hindrance than a help.

BSideBaby · 04/08/2021 00:28

I became completely devoted to the gas and air mouthpiece I'd been using at home and insisted on keeping hold of it (not attached to gas and air) throughout ambulance journey and various attempts to get enormous DD out. I apparently growled like an animal and tried to bite anyone who attempted to prise it out of my hands. After emergency c-section my main concern was not for my DD but for the mouthpiece's whereabouts, and I cried when told it had been thrown away. Bloody weirdo.

Original poster
IcantbelieveIjustdidthat · 04/08/2021 00:33

DH and midwife confiscated my gas and air Sad I was laughing hysterically and asking if my voice had gone squeaky. It ended up me vomiting and waters breaking at same time (this was with DC2!)

OP posts:
sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 04/08/2021 00:38

Oh, I forgot. When DS was born, they put me on the gas & air for a while afterwards because my cervix apparently snapped shut and they couldn't deliver the placenta without extra drugs.

He was lying in the bassinet next to me as the midwife tugged away at the cord. All I could hear were her grunts, and my breathing and I sounded just like Darth Vader. I thought 'this could be like when baby birds think the first thing they see is their mother. Except that the first thing he'll hear is me going 'OOOOH HAAA' on the gas & air. So he'll think a Sith Lord is his mother.'

I then laughed so hard they had to take the mouthpiece away from me because I 'may have overdone it'

MargaretThursday · 04/08/2021 00:38

Dh still remembers that I drew blood digging my nails in during labour with #1. She's 20yo now. Grin

His advice to all future dads is to take gloves (thick skiing ones) into the labour room. Grin

TheUnexpectedPickle · 04/08/2021 00:45

@sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea as a paramedic I’d like to apologise for that comment- totally uncalled for and unprofessional. As a woman, I’d like to tell you ex to piss off!

Onthebrink87 · 04/08/2021 00:45

Had an emergency csection with ds2 and was given a spinal. Reacted quite badly to the diamorphine and was so delirious the nurses thought I was coming round from a general. Apparently I thought I was in the hospital following a nasty fight (not a fighter so God knows) and I was asking if the other guy was dead and banging on about how I couldn't go to jail and it was self defense! 😳😳