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Original poster

Bit her during labour

245 replies

IcantbelieveIjustdidthat · 03/08/2021 21:18

Bit my sisters hand during DS labour. She won't let me live it down.
I'd had so many drugs and god knows what to numb the pain, wasn't allowed to eat anything as I was high risk for a c-section, was so hungry and I heard someone mention a sausage roll (nobody did apparently) and I thought she was handing it to me to eat. I was very delirious! She is laughing about it now.

I feel so awful but AIBU to think it's not the craziest thing someone has done?

OP posts:
Bearfrills · 04/08/2021 13:39

I had a section with my next DC and turns out that someone who gets off their face on gas gets REALLY off their face when morphine is on the table. One whiff of the needle and I was away. I asked who I thought was DH to hold my gown together while I lay down so that no one would see my bum but he was welcome to have a peek, wink wink. It was not DH. It was the medstudent who was there to observe and had very kindly held my hand during the spinal while DH was away getting changed into scrubs. I was paranoid I'd wet myself as the spinal felt like warm water running down my legs so asked everyone I made eye contact with whether I had or not. When DH had gotten changed and came back in, I couldn't work out why he looked different and kept asking if that was the tshirt I'd bought him a few weeks ago. "No, it's a scrub top" oh, okay then. Few minutes later "is that the tshirt I got you? It's nice". Repeat. When DC was delivered and they took her away over the other side of the room to check her over I whispered to DH to go with them and make sure they didn't swap her for another baby. Whispered.... what I actually did was bellow it at top volume. I then thanked all of the theatre staff individually and by name. No idea what their names were but I didn't let that stop me.

Bearfrills · 04/08/2021 13:40

DH has just reminded me that with DC1, while off my tits on gas, I asked the consultant which Thunderbird he was. He had white hair and big, black bushy eyebrows. Apparently this reminded me of someone from Thunderbirds.

SunshineCake · 04/08/2021 13:51

Mine are boring.

Argued with dh on the way to theatre with DC1 as I wanted him to save the baby and he wanted to save me.
Strangled dh with dc3
Nearly broke dh finger with dc2

Midwife with dc2 didn't believe I was ready to push so I said I was needing a poo. Got on bed, examined, pissed off with me as I would not lie on my back. Had gone from 3-10 dilated after three contractions. Baby out in 20 minutes.

Midwife told me off for screaming with dc3 as she said I'd have a sore throat. I had been given a time to get him out or it was a section. Good job I'm good as I got us there and he was out in seven minutes, fifteen after the time limit.

Houseofvelour · 04/08/2021 13:51

When I was in labour with my first, I was doing hypnobirthing and found that talking kept me really calm so kept asking the midwife questions like, how long had she been a midwife? What hobbies does she have? Etc after over an hour of asking her questions in my gas and air haze, she looked pretty fed up and left the room for a bit. DH said to me "you don't need to ask her so many questions you know" and I practically bellowed at him "I'M JUST BEING POLITE! SORRY IM INTERESTED IN HER LIFE!!" 😂🙈 poor woman

ReginaaPhalange · 04/08/2021 14:00

@Costumeidea

I had a contraction whilst the midwife’s hand was inside me, nothing she could do but wait for it to subside. I was bellowing ‘I’m a glove puppet’ and bit down so hard on the gas and air that I chipped my front tooth.
Omg this is the winner right here 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 "I'm a glove puppet" 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Thorilicious · 04/08/2021 14:12

I had a male student midwife in the room during ds's birth. I remember being very insistent that he go down the business end to see my ravaged vagina....it was his first ever birth.

Original poster
IcantbelieveIjustdidthat · 04/08/2021 14:18

@SunshineCake

My friend was the same as you with your DC2 at the beginning of the year. Was screaming at the midwives to help (wasn't on the labour ward but was waiting as she'd been induced), they were a bit Hmm another lady in the bed next to her helped and rung the buzzer. Midwives told her to calm down but turns out baby was coming and her DH had to leg it from the car where he'd been waiting for 13hrs since he wasn't allowed in until she was on labour ward.
I've been told she yelled in the corridor if that dick doesn't run like Usain bolt I'm going to scream! As he's rushing up the corridor she's yelling run forest run!
Poor guy got there just in time, her DD was pushed out at the entrance to the labour ward. Hopefully there weren't any nervous mums watching as she was whizzed past.

OP posts:
HereticFanjo · 04/08/2021 14:20

Howling here too 😂

Cocolapew · 04/08/2021 14:22

@BettysGotMoxie I'm actually crying with laughter.
With DD1 the Dr was putting a clip on her head. He gloved up and went up, only to clip part of his glove to her head.
I told him I felt like Sooty, then laughed so hard at my own joke I farted.

With DD2 I declared to everyone I had the munchies and berated a student midwife for not going to get me a Twix, apparently for quite a while
She left before DD was born but came around to see me the next day and brought me a Twix 😀

Lostatsea10 · 04/08/2021 14:25

We didn’t find out the sex of DC1 and I’d been convinced the whole way through pregnancy that baby was a girl- I was adamant and wouldn’t hear otherwise, I knew, I had maternal instincts etc etc. When the surgeon (emergency section) pulled baby out and DH told me we had a boy I told him (and the whole room of staff) that he was wrong because I knew we were having a girl and to check again. When the surgeon verified that he was, in fact a boy, I asked the surgeon if he was sure. The surgeon seemed quite sure but I wasn’t finished yet asking how he knew DC was a boy and not a girl and what if he missed that day of training at med school. According to DH, the staff were all very amused. Thankfully, so was the surgeon.

Original poster
IcantbelieveIjustdidthat · 04/08/2021 14:25

@BettysGotMoxie

Oh my god I didn't see your comment at first! I'm gone 🤣

OP posts:
Highflyingadored · 04/08/2021 14:28

When I first started g&a I was talking to my husband about how I felt really drunk and hadnt felt like that in years...

There was a cupboard in the room with no door on it and just silver trays.... asked my husband why he hadnt done the dishwasher.

Then I asked him if we were still going to get married after this.... we had been married for a year at this point....

Took them half hour to get my epidural in while I was sucking in the g&a while my husband was bleeding from my nails going into his hand

Then our last dance song came on (a thousand years) we were both weeping on each other... 4 days of labour and we were both exhausted.

Then after they pulled my daughter out in surgery and they were trying to locate my placenta all I could hear was my husband telling her what her name was but when she got married could she keep our surname but he didnt mind if she married a man or woman it was all the same... she could be a lesbian if she wants...I turned to my midwife and was like.
.wtf is he talking about... they were all cracking up..

Labour does funny stuff to both sides

My 2nd birth I barely had time to even think about it... shot out in 4 hours but I did break my tooth on the g&a mouthpiece from gripping it so hard.... my little girl was 9lb 11oz so I am not surprised it hurt Grin

ElephantOfRisk · 04/08/2021 14:28

I never knew that being a midwife or other professional involved in childbirth could be such a laugh, they must see it all and be hooting at some of the reactions if this thread is even a snapshot of a normal day.

Original poster
IcantbelieveIjustdidthat · 04/08/2021 14:29

@Cocolapew

That's so nice of her Smile never did get my sausage roll Sad

OP posts:
Cocolapew · 04/08/2021 14:30
Sad It was bloody lovely as well.
Original poster
IcantbelieveIjustdidthat · 04/08/2021 14:36

@ElephantOfRisk

Definitely! Smile
Midwives all started taking bets on what I'd call DS2. I think it was a quiet day... but I'd been in hopsital for 2 week prior so they all knew we'd not chosen a name for him. Had some very obscure suggestions! It's nice they can have a laugh and joke.

OP posts:
LysistrataVickers · 04/08/2021 14:37

I adored the gas and air. Best but about labour! Apart from the resulting baby of courseGrin. I hallucinated that Gene Hunt (Philip Glenister) from Life on Mars/Ashes to Ashes was in the room and I was explaining to DH that I was going to fight him Confused

caringcarer · 04/08/2021 14:39

I was asked if I would agree to some student doctors observing the birth of my dd, first child. My dh was not keen but I told him to shut up and would not care if a dancing herd of elephants wanted to watch. That is so out of character for me. I was high on Pethadine.

LittleBitOfMayo · 04/08/2021 14:44

A midwife told me to put my knickers back on and go home when I asked her why she was not helping me Grin. She was helping me but there wasn't much else she could do. I was just exhausted by this point Grin.

HereticFanjo · 04/08/2021 14:46

Holy God I rarely cry with laughter at a thread but this one is definitely a keeper!

bakingdemon · 04/08/2021 14:46

I vomited three times on DH after the anaesthetic for my EMCS. I apologised profusely each time, much to the entertainment of the medical staff

334bu · 04/08/2021 14:51

Ilikechips

With every contraction I kept shouting I can’t see I’ve gone blind!!!!

I was shutting my eyes

😂😂😂

Receiptplease · 04/08/2021 14:53

@IcantbelieveIjustdidthat

I've also just been informed that I told the dr (who came to 'assess the situation') to get his big massive shovel hands away from me, my lady bits are already tearing enough. I do not remember that...
Grin

A friend of mine screamed that she was cracking like a walnut as baby was coming out

Cocolapew · 04/08/2021 14:54

I refused to open my eyes when the Dr came in to explain he was having to use forceps to get DD out. Dh said I sat up, 'looked' in the Drs direction and started saying um hm and nodding to everything he said. The Dr asked 3 times for me to open my eyes and 3 times got told to fuck off. He gave up in the end

YanTanTethera123 · 04/08/2021 15:03

@ElephantOfRisk

I never knew that being a midwife or other professional involved in childbirth could be such a laugh, they must see it all and be hooting at some of the reactions if this thread is even a snapshot of a normal day.
During the birth of my eldest I was very out of things and when my midwife gently reminded me to rest between contractions, what I actually heard was ‘masturbate between contractions’ .. so I struggled to get myself in a more comfortable position position while muttering that id ‘give it a go’ - my partner and my mother have never let me forget about it and the baby is nearly 20 now!

Honestly, as a midwife many years ago I probably heard similar! This though really cracked me up! The puppy’s looking at me as if I’m mad 🤣

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