Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Mumsnet classics

Relive the funniest, most unforgettable threads. For a daily dose of Mumsnet’s best bits, sign up for Mumsnet's daily newsletter.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Bit her during labour

245 replies

IcantbelieveIjustdidthat · 03/08/2021 21:18

Bit my sisters hand during DS labour. She won't let me live it down.
I'd had so many drugs and god knows what to numb the pain, wasn't allowed to eat anything as I was high risk for a c-section, was so hungry and I heard someone mention a sausage roll (nobody did apparently) and I thought she was handing it to me to eat. I was very delirious! She is laughing about it now.

I feel so awful but AIBU to think it's not the craziest thing someone has done?

OP posts:
OnTheBrink1 · 04/08/2021 00:52

Love the sausage roll part!
I bit the midwives hand because I thought it was part of the pillow. Was mortified afterwards

Sweettea1 · 04/08/2021 01:00

I bit my mums hand during labour altho no one mentioned food haha I was just in so much pain an on whatever pain relief they offered. Mum had a bruise were I had bitten think it was during a contraction but she's never brought it up in conversation well not infront off me anyway.

BettysGotMoxie · 04/08/2021 01:03

During the birth of my eldest I was very out of things and when my midwife gently reminded me to rest between contractions, what I actually heard was ‘masturbate between contractions’ .. so I struggled to get myself in a more comfortable position position while muttering that id ‘give it a go’ - my partner and my mother have never let me forget about it and the baby is nearly 20 now!

During my second I was convinced that the gas and air had changed my voice so much that it was unrecognisable, so I kept ringing my mum and doing Scream style impressions down the phone, complete with calling her Sydney and telling her I knew where she lived. I thought it was hilarious at the time, and as soon as I’d given birth I was confused as to why the police hadn’t come for me. My poor mum. And poor midwives.

ineedaholidaynow · 04/08/2021 01:08

I was taken off the gas and air as I started to hallucinate that I was in the office and the consultant was my boss.

FolkyFoxFace · 04/08/2021 01:27

These posts are making me feel so much better!

I had a homebirth that progressed to an MLU, then to delivery suite, THEN theatre for a turn and forceps. I was bloody pissed off the entire time - 2 days.

I screamed bloody murder at the poor ambulance service because they suggested I lie on my back for the duration. I'd been promised by the midwife that no one would make me do that. I kept asking them if they'd ever given birth. Yes, they had. I then proceeded to question in that case, why would they do it to me?!

In the end I ended up sat and belted into a little side seat. When the gas & air wasn't doing the trick I became paranoid that they weren't giving me enough because I'd shouted. I kept telling them they were evil and that it's illegal to discriminate against pregnant women.

I threw up on a midwife's chest, and launched into a strop at DH for making me eat the sandwich now sported by the midwife and the floor.

I told absolutely everyone repeatedly that my legs were swollen and this isn't how I usually look. They kept increasing as labour went on, as did my explanations. I even shoved them in the surgeon's face when he dropped in.

I tried to send DH out for champagne. I then told him repeatedly whilst getting prepped for the turn and forceps that I needed wine and I needed it NOW.

GrasssInPocket · 04/08/2021 01:27

I accidentally lamped one of the midwives when in a somewhat delirious state just after DD2 was born (arms flailing, trying to stay conscious). I was mortified afterwards until DH told me it wasn't the lovely midwife who'd looked after me all through the labour, but the bossy cow who had given me a really rough time four years earlier when I was having trouble getting feeding established with DD1. She'd just come on duty and he recognised her right away... Blush

ElephantOfRisk · 04/08/2021 01:42

I went into labour late on the 2nd of July, it's early on the 3rd when I went into hospital, much gas and christ knows what and now its the 4th, back to back big baby totally stuck so they decide on a csection and I'm waiting on the anesthesist . Midwife team, maybe my 3rd or 4th team, start getting me chatting and say that I could call my baby Sam since it's the 4th of July. I took this as an instruction rather than a suggestion. I didn't like Sam but was too polite to say.

Anyway spinal done and I've been bumped for theatre several times and it's now the 5th of July, I'm heading down to theatre but manage to shout back "ha ha its the 5th now so I'm not calling the baby Sam so fuck you". It was either the drugs or just being tired and emotional. 😂😂

FairFuming · 04/08/2021 01:52

I was tripping balls on morphine and started begging now ex H to go to the bus stop as I was thoroughly convinced the baby was on a bus and might miss her bus stop.

Bakewellisntjustacake · 04/08/2021 01:58

I got given my phone back to text my DH after major surgery whilst off my tits. I posted to Facebook

'Baby giraffes are 6 foot tall when they're born and I'm only 5 foot but I've got thumbs and thumbs win so giraffes can get to fuck go team thumbs' Hmm

Rifalo · 04/08/2021 02:12

This thread is ace.
In labour with DS1, off my tits on pethidine, I remember the midwife shift swap. Young new midwife was showing her colleague her fancy new nails she'd just had done.
I whispered to DH.......keep her fucking talons away from my vag.......yeah, apparently I didn't whisper Blush

50ShadesOfCatholic · 04/08/2021 02:40

@BruceAndNosh

I was coming round from anaesthetic and was aware of someone gently tapping my cheek. I thought it was my DH so I grabbed the hand and kept kissing it. It was the anaesthetist.
HAHAHA
Ruthietuthie · 04/08/2021 02:59

Like @LadyMaid, I too, hallucinating with pain, thought my midwife was incredibly pretty.
According to my husband, for two hours, I told the poor (attractive, but quite ordinary looking) woman that she was the most gorgeous person I had ever seen. I remember that she was surrounded with a halo, like a saint, and absolutely glowed. I even asked if she had ever considered being a model...

MollyBloomYes · 04/08/2021 04:26

First birth was a bit of a horror show. I had gas and air but the valve or something wasn't working properly so I wasn't actually getting any of the good stuff. You would have had to prise that mouthpiece out of my cold dead hands though. I was also so exhausted by my 3+ day labour that I was convinced id asked for stronger pain relief and been refused and that the midwife had warned me if I asked again I'd be considered to be drug seeking. Exh informed me later this had never happened and they all just assumed I was incredibly stoic. I made sure that EVERYBODY knew to keep offering stronger pain relief for my second birth even though I had an elcs, just in case I went into labour before the c section appointment!

No memory of biting anything but the jaw pain afterwards suggested I probably had!

Oh and once DS was born he was whisked straight off to NICU as he was incredibly poorly. I couldn't go and see him because I was still recovering from the c section. Midwife and I had a whole conversation about how boring newborns are and that they're much more fun when older whilst exh looked on aghast. That one might have been self preservation tbf!

Popcornbetty · 04/08/2021 07:12

@Mumvschildren

In labour with no4 My mother is a larger lady and she wasn’t wearing a bra We got to the ‘push baby out’ stage and I grabbed her hand and what I thought was her top-and twisted-hard (what can I say?he had a massive head!) Out comes baby and I let go It wasn’t her top I’d grabbed It was her nipple She showed me the next day and it was almost black with bruises-I think it took about 3 weeks to turn a lovely shade of yellow and for the swelling to go down

Opps

Fabrication
CovidCorvid · 04/08/2021 07:12

[quote lilmishap]@CovidCorvid Oh god it wasn't in Leicester was it? I apparently punched a midwife while in labour which was a surprise because I didn't know I could punch.

I felt fucking terrible when I was told.[/quote]
No, not Leicester. I was a bit shook up, only time its happened in 15 years but I know she didn’t mean it. She was in pain, totally lost it and lashed out.

DiddlySquatWilson · 04/08/2021 07:33

The only weird thing I said was apparently trying to convince DH we should get matching tattoos afterwards. I DO NOT want matching tattoos, I have no idea where it came from. DH just politely nodded and said things like 'yes yes dear' 🤣

Ilikechips · 04/08/2021 07:40

With every contraction I kept shouting I can’t see I’ve gone blind!!!!

I was shutting my eyes

TheGumption · 04/08/2021 07:57

I told the female consultant she was "absolutely beautiful, her make up was on point, how was she so clever and so glamorous at the same time?! It isn't fair!" I remember just completely rambling about how beautiful she was for absolutely ages and she just stood there like 👁👄👁 waiting for me to finish.

TheGumption · 04/08/2021 07:57

@Ilikechips

With every contraction I kept shouting I can’t see I’ve gone blind!!!!

I was shutting my eyes

😂😂😂😂
TheGumption · 04/08/2021 08:02

@BettysGotMoxie

During the birth of my eldest I was very out of things and when my midwife gently reminded me to rest between contractions, what I actually heard was ‘masturbate between contractions’ .. so I struggled to get myself in a more comfortable position position while muttering that id ‘give it a go’ - my partner and my mother have never let me forget about it and the baby is nearly 20 now!

During my second I was convinced that the gas and air had changed my voice so much that it was unrecognisable, so I kept ringing my mum and doing Scream style impressions down the phone, complete with calling her Sydney and telling her I knew where she lived. I thought it was hilarious at the time, and as soon as I’d given birth I was confused as to why the police hadn’t come for me. My poor mum. And poor midwives.

I'm cackling 🤣
GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 04/08/2021 08:07

I told DH to "avenge my death!" as they took me in for my EMCS.

Picklesbaby · 04/08/2021 08:10

I was told I was only 3cm after 12 hours on the drip so asked for an epidural. The midwifes looking after me went for there lunch break while I got it done. He was farting about and couldn’t get it in so I told him to stop cause I needed to push . The midwife was laughing and told him I was 3cm and didn’t need to push . I asked her what the fuck did she know and threw myself on the bed anyway and told her I needed to poo then . “Haha I told you.bet you feel silly now don’t you” were my words when she confirmed I was fully dilated.
I then proceeded to tell my midwife all about the nasty woman who was calling me a liar and how I knew I didn't need a poo when she got back 🤭😂

nocturnalcatfreetogoodhome · 04/08/2021 08:27

My sister projectile vomited over her husband and cackled evilly like the girl in the Exorcist. It's the best thing that ever happened to our family Grin

StrangeToSee · 04/08/2021 09:08

Glad I’m not the only one who hallucinated!

First time I was left waiting so long I was 8cm by the time they finally examined me in the 6-bedded MAU ward. Shocked midwife realised there were no beds on labour ward. I feel terrible for the 5 women and their partners who had to listen to me screaming and shouting my way through transition with only curtains between us. Baby was back to back and I was in agony, hind waters kept breaking, midwife kept telling me to be quiet. Eventually she broke a rule and gave me some gas&air to shut me up but that made it worse. I was on my own (DH trying to find a car park, midwife trying to get me a bed on Labour ward). After a few puffs of gas I felt like I was spinning and had this sensation of flying backwards through the air so I pushed the emergency panel on the wall (I’m a HCP so did so more by instinct). People came running and told me off, i accused them of poisoning me 😳
In between contractions I could hear the other ladies talking to their partners and now and then a lady would call out trying to reassure me. The man behind the curtain next to me kept crinkling crisp packets and I tried to hit him through the curtain 😳

Finally got moved to Labour ward and had a private room, lovely midwife gave me diamorphine but it barely touched the pain just made me hallucinate more. Then I started vomiting non stop despite having nothing to bring up, so every contraction I’d retch and think I was dying as I couldn’t breathe. They kept giving me anti sickness injections but nothing worked and I hallucinated I was on a boat. Kept thinking the boat was sinking and rambling about needing to hit the waves at a different angle! Then hallucinated I was decorating the house for XMas and rambled about that.

When the midwives left the room DH would have a turn on the gas to ‘help him get through it’ (I hated the gas and only used it when someone forced it into my mouth). Or he’d leave the room to phone his mum for moral support (for himself).

My back froze at some point and baby was stuck, I’d been pushing for ages and when they told me to roll over I physically couldn’t move so they had to flip me over while I screamed and clawed at them.

I saw panic on the midwife’s face when she realised baby was in a tricky presentation, and knew what the next step would be, so put everything into the next contraction and baby came out in one go. I kept saying ‘is all of it out? Are you sure?’

Then baby latched onto my nipple and DH got off the floor (he’d felt faint and curled into a ball at some point) and suddenly everything felt normal again!

It’s weird how quickly the haze vanishes when the baby’s out. I didn’t really want to hold DD at first, so DH took her and cried with happiness. Then I realised I had to deliver the placenta and starting worrying I might bleed out (I didn’t).

Within an hour I was in the shower, dressed and in a wheelchair going to post natal ward with DD suckling and my whole boob out. We had to go up in the lift and I saw some of my colleagues! They either didn’t recognise me in that state or pretended not to but it was a weird journey!

maxiflump1 · 04/08/2021 09:29

@Bakewellisntjustacake

I got given my phone back to text my DH after major surgery whilst off my tits. I posted to Facebook

'Baby giraffes are 6 foot tall when they're born and I'm only 5 foot but I've got thumbs and thumbs win so giraffes can get to fuck go team thumbs' Hmm

Ha this is hilarious! I've just spat my tea out!