The random comment men

[brokenbiscuitsx]

You know the ones, not the ‘leery car shouters’ but those who feel they can make comments about what you, a stranger, is doing when going about their business (and I’ll add not harming anyone!)

Just now I popped to the shop to collect a parcel, when I was there I grabbed a coffee from their Costa pod and a blueberry muffin. The man behind me piped up “You’ll get fat eating that” I was really taken aback so just said “thanks for your comment, random man” paid and then as I was walking out past him he said, no need to be so rude and mumbled ‘stroppy cow’ but I heard.

I wasn’t rude I just asserted myself and that is the issue isn’t it. He was expecting me to laugh along ‘oh I already am tee hee’ (I’m not) but no, I’m sick of it.

It happens too often as well. I have had a random man comment on how I could run better in the park when I was having a break and a man who saw my Led Zeppelin tshirt and said ‘what’s your favourite song then?’ So I said ‘Heartbreaker- you probably haven’t heard of it’ and he mumbled something at me and walked off (I knew he was trying to catch me out, hoping I didn’t know any songs!)

I don’t really know what my AIBU is, I guess, is it rude? Should I have just smiled sweetly like the passive woman I am meant to be. I’m just sick of these types of men! He took offence with me speaking up, perhaps he should learn not to make comments to random strangers.

Does anyone else get this, maybe I have that sort of face that men can’t help commenting to. If so, how do you cope with it?

Just, ugh, makes me angry.

@Taliskerskye

Cunts they are all cunts Thank the lord everyday that you’re not married to one or one isn’t your dad.

And well done for answering back. The stupid cunting cunts

How rude! Love it!

Me and my sister had a random man tell us off in a pub garden at lunch for being on our phones- we were organising dates for literally everything- summer childcare, babysitting for each other, birthday get together etc and we’re on our calendars to do this. He said twice - oh please ladies leave your phones, just talk to each other etc etc. We gave a gritted smile but we were both thinking fuck off!! I keep thinking I should have used the “thank you for you comment random man!!”

@Taliskerskye

Cunts they are all cunts Thank the lord everyday that you’re not married to one or one isn’t your dad.

And well done for answering back. The stupid cunting cunts

This has been praised so many times on this thread.

Joining the queue.

👏

Hi There,
I should have read at least 5% of the messages before I posted mine (778, or so).
Having read some of the comments directed directly at me, or about the type of person I have been deemed to be, please let me give some thought, as to what they. and other comments mean to me and give a considered response.
I won't type 1L 1W

I would give the Paddington Bear hard stare to comments like these, look the man up & down with disgust & walk away. Less is more sometimes.

Well done OP. I hate this too

Is so think this behaviour will die out eventually. We keep calling them out and raise our sons fo be respectful

A few months back, I was out jogging. A random delivery man, started to shout word of encouragement ay me as I went passed him. He got quite close to me and I felt uncomfortable. I have him the death look. When I got home told my partner and he seemed to think it was harmless fun

@pbvincent maybe you should consider what your random comments mean to the people you directed them at? Just an idea.

I should have read at least 5% of the messages before I posted mine

What’s wrong with reading ALL of them before you wade in to enlighten us all with your opinion?

@ButterflyBitch

I’m stealing that, “thanks for your comment, random man.” Love it. Also yanbu. Why men feel the need to comment on what women are doing I do not know.

Me too! Love it, thanks OP . YANBU - bugs me and my DD too. Let’s all steal, ‘Thanks for the comment, random man!’

Thank you for your comment, Random Maths.

Love this 😂

@PluggingAway

I've lost count of the amount of random men who tell me off for not smiling at them.

I have never, ever, in my 35 years of life, had a woman tell me off for not smiling. Literally never happened.

Unfortunately @PluggingAway I have, just last March before COVID, a friend in fact who because I suffer with chronic pain and because I was trying my best on an afternoon out but was in pain and my pain relief that takes the edge off was wearing off and I hadn't forgotten to take anything with me so no I wasn't giggly / chatty / smiling turned round to me and said "go home just go home you have had a face on you all day go home" Unfortunately for me I was unable to shrug that off and the depression that had been settling on me for the last year due to pain and lack of sleep spiralled worse I had counselling for 1 year it didn't help I withdrew at the same time to try and cope (which wasn't difficult because of COVID, working full time and homes-schooling) and the whole group of friends dumped me I was kicked out of the two chat groups. so as much as I agree the unsolicited crap advice men think they can give to random people (women), it isn't just them and it can be people you think are friends and 18 months later it is still affecting me much more than a random idiotic "boy" saying something would. People just need to learn to only say nice things but there are too many out there that think it is their right to be nasty. #BeKind following Caroline Flack never lasted and a bet more than 1/2 that posted it one their status were the people who in life #AreNeverKing

"It never happens with women"? Are you joking? You should hear my aunt! She rambles on without remorse to any stranger, and is ambivalent to them trying to escape.

Pretty sure, they were talking about THEIR experience not that it never happen.

"getting fat for eating a muffin" is not a sexist comment. Just because it is spoken by a man to a woman, or a woman to a man, or a woman to a woman, etc. makes no difference. Its not an attack either. It doesn't say you are fat. Its a comment about the effects of enjoying a tasty muffin, acknowledging that it must be really yummy. Yet too many people assume its about them.

Seriously. They are not saying "getting fat for eating a muffin”. Such people are saying “YOU are going to get fat from eating a muffin” talking about the person who is eating it as if their diet is any of their business. That could be the first muffin they had in months or a treat for them. You have no idea what people are going through and you definitely can not pretend that “fat” is seen as a negative to most people.

I agree that men and women make stupid comments to strangers but for most women it is usually male strangers making ridiculous comments and uncomfortable comments involving their bodies and facial expressions.

Just popping onto this great thread to point out that MakeMathsFun was on the thread about the teenage girl being uncomfortable with men sitting outside the changing rooms in Bravissimo when she was having a fitting.

MakeMathsFun felt that she was 'making a fuss' and it was 'no big deal'. Also, have seen MMF use NAMALT unironically.

I'd not waste your ire. Lost cause.

I had a man who wouldnt take no for an answer, in the end he grabbed my hand and wouldnt let go. I leaned into him and announced, I have one arse in my pants I really don't need another. Ge let go and buggered off.

Yes @BrightYellowDaffodil, exactly!!
The dog comment was the best one. He actually said “for gods sake walk that dog properly” She’s my dog!!! What was I doing wrong? Dragging her by her tail??

@Battleneck I'd like there to be legislation that you can't talk to any random women. Especially on here.

@WithLoveFromMyselfToYourself

Anyone else had the cherry on top that I’ve experienced a couple of times? A catcall or smart-arse comment when leaving my house/ car/ a shop with DH trailing behind only for Random Comment Man to spot him belatedly and then … drumroll… apologise to him: “Sorry mate! I didn’t realise she was with you!” Ah yes! An apology is definitely due to the man whose property you unwittingly propositioned/ insulted. You thought I was only a woman, not a woman with a man. A woman is just object not subject. A big hole for your penis and projections, a void, a vacancy.

Yes, this. This shit never happens when you are visibly with a man, because that would be encroaching on his boundaries. For many men, women are not real people.

@Ddot and that’s the crux of the conversation to me. The men who can’t or won’t take NO for an answer. And when they are told NO they get aggressive. Here’s my example. I’m late 40s and one of those “invisible women” unless I’m in my running kit. Clearly Lycra is an open invitation to every single RCM to make sure you know their opinion on your tits/legs/arse or even your running style.
In the starting pen for a race I was accosted by one such RCM. We were running for similar charities so that was the opening gambit. We exchanged pleasantries…or so I thought.
RCM: What sort of time do you hope for? I told him.
RCM: I tell you what why don’t I pace you and you can improve on that time?
Me; thanks very much but I want to run alone.
RCM: Oh come on we can do this together! (Bleurgh!)
Me: Thanks but I really want to run by myself.
RCM: But I can really help you…you know you want to.
Me: I don’t.
RCM: Oh don’t be silly I’m trying to help you.
Me: (snaps and spots RCMs wedding ring) Look does your wife know you’re harassing strange women on a race start line?
RCM: Harass? How fucking dare you. You bitch!!!
Storms off…
Every single time. And I was calm and polite like I have been trained since I was a little girl. Now “thanks for your comment random man” will be my new mantra.

I've had so many "If you eat that you'll get fat" comments, always from random blokes. I just shrug and say "Whatever" while mentally disembowlling them. l had this at work last week too - three staff, all women, standing and discussing a work issue. Up comes Gammon Random Comment Generater Man "Now, now ladies, there are seats next door if you want to chat ..." He got three death stares and then blanked. There's no way he'd have approached three male staff members talking in the same way!

I think that many of the PPs here have been so thoroughly fed up and battle hardened by years of sexist knobs shouting abusive comments that they can longer recognise the difference between said knobbery and a friendly joking pleasantry!
For most people, saying “Ooh you’ll get fat” to a woman buying a cake or muffin is simply a teasing acknowledgment that the cake is a treat - it’s often said to perfectly slim cake buyers, and is just a harmless bit of friendly conversation to a fellow shopper.
Perhaps there is a north/south divide too - when I lived in London, nobody spoke to a stranger in a supermarket, and avoided eye contact on public transport or in the street, so any remark at all was likely to be a sexist knob.
Up here in Scotland, and among my Geordie relatives, plenty of people will strike up conversations, often using a joke as an icebreaker. Most have no idea they will be viewed as knobs, hence the hurt and anger when rebuffed.

@MilesJuppIsMyBitch

Just popping onto this great thread to point out that MakeMathsFun was on the thread about the teenage girl being uncomfortable with men sitting outside the changing rooms in Bravissimo when she was having a fitting.

MakeMathsFun felt that she was 'making a fuss' and it was 'no big deal'. Also, have seen MMF use NAMALT unironically.

I'd not waste your ire. Lost cause.

Also, having searched a bit more (I'm bored this morning), MMF is clearly a man. A Random Man.

@SherbrookeFosterer

I'm sorry that happened to you.

PLEASE don't let it rock your confidence.

But always the best response is the "royal silence".

People who randomly speak to strangers normally don't mean any harm, mostly they are just lonely and have no one else to speak to and bizarrely think they are being funny.

Walk tall OP!

If we ignore, will it stop? It hasn't so far and I did ignore for decades. In fact it's only now I'm old and do not give any fucks that I answer back.

Not sure why lonely people are meant to be dumped on women the world over. I'm not every mans mummy, I dont want to make conversations with random men ( I'm better with women but even then theres a limit)
If they could limit themselves to nice day, shame about the rain, and other bland statements that say nothing to our eating habits, the shape our face makes and other very personal comments, we would all get along famously.
Also those who want to can strike up a conversation, those who dont are not left feeling angry by the interaction, frustrated because saying fuck of dickhead could get them hurt and do not remember years and years later how that interaction felt.

For most people, saying “Ooh you’ll get fat” to a woman buying a cake or muffin is simply a teasing acknowledgment that the cake is a treat

I don't want to be teased by a random man I've never met, nor have anything acknowledged by the graceless twat. Why on earth do you think this is OK?

Most have no idea they will be viewed as knobs, hence the hurt and anger when rebuffed.

Blame yourself. When people like you give the impression that it's ok to "tease" and "acknowledge" things with random women, these men won't learn that it IS completely knobhead behaviour. I don't care if they feel hurt, I want to feel safe.

You're part of the problem. Will you listen better than they do?

I had comments on being big, hit the gym big time during my divorce then had comments on being big. Just leave me alone never been over a size 12.

Sadly RCM will always defend other RCM! Even when it’s their own family. One of my dads friends on FB (who I am not friends with so clearly he went through my dads profile to find me which is creepy in itself) commented on my new FB profile picture that I’d “let myself go and needed to wear more makeup”. WTAF??? From a man in his 80s??? I complained bitterly to my dad and was told to “let it go he was just having a laugh with you”.