The random comment men

[brokenbiscuitsx]

You know the ones, not the ‘leery car shouters’ but those who feel they can make comments about what you, a stranger, is doing when going about their business (and I’ll add not harming anyone!)

Just now I popped to the shop to collect a parcel, when I was there I grabbed a coffee from their Costa pod and a blueberry muffin. The man behind me piped up “You’ll get fat eating that” I was really taken aback so just said “thanks for your comment, random man” paid and then as I was walking out past him he said, no need to be so rude and mumbled ‘stroppy cow’ but I heard.

I wasn’t rude I just asserted myself and that is the issue isn’t it. He was expecting me to laugh along ‘oh I already am tee hee’ (I’m not) but no, I’m sick of it.

It happens too often as well. I have had a random man comment on how I could run better in the park when I was having a break and a man who saw my Led Zeppelin tshirt and said ‘what’s your favourite song then?’ So I said ‘Heartbreaker- you probably haven’t heard of it’ and he mumbled something at me and walked off (I knew he was trying to catch me out, hoping I didn’t know any songs!)

I don’t really know what my AIBU is, I guess, is it rude? Should I have just smiled sweetly like the passive woman I am meant to be. I’m just sick of these types of men! He took offence with me speaking up, perhaps he should learn not to make comments to random strangers.

Does anyone else get this, maybe I have that sort of face that men can’t help commenting to. If so, how do you cope with it?

Just, ugh, makes me angry.

@Connie999

This is seriously too much men bashing. We have fathers, brothers, sons, partners and husbands we love. Let's respect each others genders and stop reading into some of these innocent comments. There will always be the exception to the rule but these comments are such a HUGE generalisation about men. I'm a strong independent (married) woman who believes in equality for all.

Quite happy not to bash men who leave me the fuck alone to go about my business.

It's not too much to ask. Really. This thread isn't about exchanging innocuous pleasantries: I do that all the time with both males and females. But to clarify: no, I don't and have never been periodically accosted by women in the street who tell me to smile and make personal comments about my appearance.

I hate 'cheer up it might never happen,' like it's my job to walk around looking cheerful for men, because it's always men that say it 100% of the time.

Amen. We are not in this world to decorate it for vapid, shallow fuckwits.

@MakeMathsFun have you even read what this thread is about?

It's not friendly chat. It's men commenting on women's bodies, faces, food choices, abilities, interests. Unwanted, unneeded and often attempting to be intimidating, derogatory and with allllllll the misogynistic undertones that women are objects to be judged and found wanting according to the male gaze.

I've been to Dublin/Glasgow/many other cities and had friendly chats on public transport. They don't start with someone telling me I'll get fat if I eat that muffin FGS.

connie999 how about the one who told me I'd need a big dildo because of my big baby, do you think that was an innocent conversation starter.
I know plenty of nice men, I love the men in my life, but I'm not going to respect the ones who think they have the right to say that kind of thing to me, and I'm not going to respect the ones who say things like that to other women either.

@Connie999 I would love to know what color the sky is in your world! I honestly think if you can read each and every women's' post on this thread and cannot feel our pain and anguish and have empathy then you are beyond hope. We don't need to talk to other people more we need to be left alone to live our lives free from misogynistic men who think they can control us.

The extreme example of this was the man who punched a newborn baby, thinking it was a doll. He was desperate for the attention of the young women standing talking. Women can't just go about their lives and be left alone.

Can I suggest we lock Battleneck and pbvincent in a room together? I reckon they'd entertain each other no end, and no women would be annoyed in the process.

Only if we can sloooowly suck all their oxygen out of the room as they banter on.

Well said

@Ponoka7

The extreme example of this was the man who punched a newborn baby, thinking it was a doll. He was desperate for the attention of the young women standing talking. Women can't just go about their lives and be left alone.

Yes, exactly THAT type of man!

Excerpt from news:
He said the seven-year-old "looked bored" and he had asked her: "Is that your baby?"

"She didn't reply and I said 'I'm going to wake your baby up'," he said.

He claimed he then tapped the child with a "loose fist" to "wind up" the girl.

He added that in hindsight, he could see there was nothing playful about his "wholly inappropriate" actions.

www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-manchester-38079322.amp

@EarthSight I'm sorry but that's well and truly apologist reasoning-the cars full of young men screaming disgusting things to random women, construction workers leering at you saying disgusting things are sons and husbands/boyfriends not socially deprived victims

One I will never forget...
Is that tattoo real?
HE LICKED MY SHOULDER!!!
Stunned
Random men seem to think they can do whatever they want!

I’ve read most of the posts. I’ve also experienced misogynistic behaviour many times and called it out. That doesn’t give me the right to put all men down when they may just be trying to be nice. I’m shocked and disappointed at this man bashing. Treat people as individuals regardless of gender.

Just caught back up on this thread (which has been fabulous, as I seem to be an unwilling target for Random Men.)
Men who behave like @Battleneck - (constantly inserting themselves into a conversation in an attempt to control the dialogue by pretending they “Don’t understand”, or we “Misinterpret” their intentions) are like Herpes. Nobody wants them, but they coming back. Unfortunately also incurable.

@Connie999

I’ve read most of the posts. I’ve also experienced misogynistic behaviour many times and called it out. That doesn’t give me the right to put all men down when they may just be trying to be nice. I’m shocked and disappointed at this man bashing. Treat people as individuals regardless of gender.

No one is putting men down, every example of ‘man bashing’ as you call it is the direct result of something rude they had said or done.

Treat people as individuals regardless of gender.

I’m confused

Certain men need to treat women like people but hey ho

@Connie999

I’ve read most of the posts. I’ve also experienced misogynistic behaviour many times and called it out. That doesn’t give me the right to put all men down when they may just be trying to be nice. I’m shocked and disappointed at this man bashing. Treat people as individuals regardless of gender.

I'm shocked that you feel entitled to judge everyone on this thread when only one or 2 have said all men. Most of us clearly state it is the bad few.

But yes your judgy pants are obviously more important than women sharing their quite horrible experiences.

You have RTFT about some men approaching raped, grieving, abused, alone single women and stating absolutely inappropriate things, yet your takeaway is poor men.

Shame on you.

@Taliskerskye

Cunts they are all cunts Thank the lord everyday that you’re not married to one or one isn’t your dad.

And well done for answering back. The stupid cunting cunts

A billion percent THIS.

Maybe they just have poor social skills and shouting at you through the window of their white van is just an attempt at a meaningful interaction with a fellow human being. Only connect.

I would have pretended to be deaf and used faux sign language to answer him. Y'know, point to him then make a yapping hand then point to yourself with a questioning look on your face.

THANKS FOR THE COMMENT RANDOM MAN
That is going to be my phrase and my daughter’s forevermore - thanks

Like...'Did you speak to me?'.

I have a few lined up just in case:
“I’m sorry, what language are you speaking? It sounds like bullshit.”
“Everyone has the right to be stupid but you are abusing the privilege”
“I tried seeing things from your point of view but I couldn’t get my head that far up my ass”

@LadyCatStark

I have a naturally miserable face 😂 and I always get, “smile, it might never happen!”

1. Why would I be wandering through Aldi car park with a huge smile on my face and
2. what if it already has happened?

I get this one a fair amount too. I always tel them my dog died. They don't need to know it was 6 years ago.

@Ponoka7
That's such a shocking example. Even his "defence", that he thought it was a doll, is so fucked. Why would you want to punch a little girl's doll? Oh yes, because being in the company of three women, a small girl and a baby girl, none of whom are interested in you, is such a blow to the who that you resort to violence.

Cunts, they are all cunts

Why use a misogynistic term to say this?

"Cocks, they are all cocks", is surely more appropriate?

Not rtft, but one of my favourites is when they randomly decide I must need help parking. I have a hgv licence, I could tow and drive farm vehicles before I was old enough to drive on private roads. When I'm about to squeeze my car into a space the same size of it, I don't need fucking Bob, under the impression that I'm going to get stuck, doing the locomotion and shouting directions punctuated with 'love' in an effort to help guide me back out of the otherwise full area.. Bob is always 45+ and the proud owner of the penis extension saloon parked at an angle. No Bob, I'm not you, I can park. Fuck off Bob.
Or being told that ladies don't drink pints. Well, in that case you'd better switch to halves Bob.