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Original poster

Fil reluctant to serve niether myself nor dh nice champagne?

999 replies

KnittedJimmychoos · 24/04/2021 22:07

Fudged details in case the eye of sauron gets hold...

But Mil and fil had been entertaining their friends, say Peter and Jane... Dh and I came in after their meal... And fil opened a really nice bottle of champagne.. Dh and I sat down chatting and fil served his friend but not me?
I made eyes at dh so he got a glass and went to serve me a glass, dh was driving and also doesn't like it.. Fil suddenly looked panicked and asked who was driving, and as dh poured he tried to make sure it was a half glass even though dh said he was ie empty excuse ? Meanwhile he then took the bottle and topped up his fiend chatting happily!
Dh then took bottle to fill me up and again fil seemed panicky!!
I did say I only fancied one glass.. And he sort of sucked in his breath and looked at me like a five year old and said "this is a really good bottle".

For context there is no way on earth my df would ever serve one person like this and not another!
Maybe he got out this bottle and hadn't reckoned on us coming back but isn't this the height of rudeness?? The mother of his only grandchildren??

Pils live in house worth a few million, not London, are very well off.. Have a wine cupboard.. They also treat dh like this.. On other stuff... Ie this wasn't a treasured special bottle saved for anniversary they can't replace..
I'm not keen anyway but I felt this was so unpleasant! Your not good enough for me to give nice champagne too!
Can't say the make because its fudged details.

Or.. Is it understandable to only want to serve this to his pal who it was intended for? I often feel like we are treated like second class citizens!!

OP posts:

OppsUpsSide · 24/04/2021 22:40

It’s a bit weird not of have invited you both in the first place really.

Pebbledashery · 24/04/2021 22:40

@UhtredRagnarson that's fair enough when you've been invited, but op is giving out the impression she doesn't have a particularly close relationship with her in laws so not sure what reaction she expected after they just turned up.

Candyfloss99 · 24/04/2021 22:40

The mother of his only grandchildren should only be served the finest champagne? Get over yourself!!!!! You sound unbelievably entitled.

majesticallyawkward · 24/04/2021 22:40

All credibility was lost with 'mother of their only grandchildren'. There's just no coming back from that.
Should the PIL fawn over you and your fruitful crotch? Build a shrine to your miraculous fanny and shower you with the finest champagne every time you turn up to their house uninvited?

Yeah it's rude to not offer everyone a drink if it's being dished out but 'making eyes' is just embarrassing me

Bluntness100 · 24/04/2021 22:41

Op it does not matter what your family would do. You were not at your families home.

You were not invited to this event, it was made clear to you both, you were not invited, you don’t just turn up and help youtself to their booze.

It’s staggeringly rude.

PureAndEasy · 24/04/2021 22:41

You were rude to turn up uninvited.
Whatever your FIL did after that is kind of insignificant.

altlife · 24/04/2021 22:41

@HepLaurenceLB

Maybe he had spiked the bottle with poison and was trying to kill his friend. If that was the case then your FIL saved your life which was very sweet.

😁

Original poster

KnittedJimmychoos · 24/04/2021 22:41

Fed up, dh wasn't happy with the exclusion due to sil being welcomed... There was no reason not to also invite dh.. He isn't so friendly with this Peter to contact him soley however he really wanted to see him and could only really do that through his parents.

there is biblical back story but it's the severing of the drink I wanted to focus on..

OP posts:

daisypond · 24/04/2021 22:42

I find it hard to believe that anyone would ever just help themselves to drinks at someone else’s house.

SteveArnottsCodeine · 24/04/2021 22:42

@HepLaurenceLB

Maybe he had spiked the bottle with poison and was trying to kill his friend. If that was the case then your FIL saved your life which was very sweet.

😂😂😂😂

Tess3 · 24/04/2021 22:42

Is it possible the friend had bought the really nice btl of plonk?

Bluntness100 · 24/04/2021 22:42

@OppsUpsSide

It’s a bit weird not of have invited you both in the first place really.

Suspect there is a back story as to why they didn’t want the pair of them there.

Bluntness100 · 24/04/2021 22:43

@KnittedJimmychoos

there is biblical back story but it's the severing of the drink I wanted to focus on..

Why did he really want to see him if he’s not friendly with him enough to contact him directly?

This is such a weird thread.

ViciousJackdaw · 24/04/2021 22:43

How utterly beastly.

As the Mother of his Only Grandchildren, he should serve you nothing but unicorn tears in a Waterford crystal flute. Because you have given him grandchildren.

I can only pray that he realises the error of his ways. After all, you have given him grandchildren. How could any other person in the world matter?

Pebbledashery · 24/04/2021 22:43

You kinda lost me at the mother of only grandchild comment..

Cindie943811A · 24/04/2021 22:44

The replies on this thread illustrate what I had been told about the English — how formal their relationships are etc. Good grief, where I come from you don’t expect family members to await a formal invitation.

Mrgrinch · 24/04/2021 22:44

The more you elaborate, the worse this sounds. You were very rude. You turned up where you weren't wanted and you helped yourself to a very special bottle of champagne that wasn't meant for you. Have you no manners?

SympathyFatigue · 24/04/2021 22:44

@KnittedJimmychoos

Dh and his family used to live over seas. This friend Peter and Jane did as well but they all live in the UK now. However they had not seen these friends for a long time, Mil did a meal for them sil and her dh were invited but it was made clear ish we were not welcome. Ie lots of hints about us being busy with the dc etc But dh really wanted to also see this family friend so we dropped in later..

Was his sister and her husband there? Or just invited.? But rude for them to just invite 1 sibling.

Did you turn up with the kids, give eyes to the champagne and leave?

willstarttomorrow · 24/04/2021 22:44

OP I have no idea how close your family are so cannot judge if you turning up uninvited is a massive social faux pas or not. From your limited details I am imagining that;

a) Your PIL are a wonderfully late 1980s throw backs with swags and tails, a hostess trolley and usually have a thimble of sherry. They have got a bottle of champagne in to impress and it was not meant for you.
b) you are a complete lush and there is an unwritten rule at family gatherings you are to be served the £5 wine from aldi because you would not know the difference.

Medievalist · 24/04/2021 22:44

All this talk of gatecrashing? I can't imagine that my dps would ever have made me feel unwelcome whenever I turned up at their house - whatever the occasion. Similarly my adult dcs don't need an invitation to come to me and I would never ever want to make them feel unwelcome. Whatever the circumstances. But maybe some posters on here have more formal family relationships.

It sounds from your op Knitted as if FIL opened the champagne after you arrived. What sort of person does that and doesn't offer it to all those present? And even if it was already opened when you arrived, it's just downright rude not to offer you some.

Takes all sorts.

Original poster

KnittedJimmychoos · 24/04/2021 22:45

Bluntness, I've had to fudge details here... You've literally hooked onto a fudge fuzziness... That's fine!! 😂😂

It was more the serving of the posh drink and not including dh or I...

I couldn't say we had been there all night as we hadn't... I can't say more about coming later but it wasn't quite like just blustering in..

OP posts:

Aprilx · 24/04/2021 22:45

@UhtredRagnarson

Is it an English thing to have a hierarchy for drinks? I’m Irish and this just wouldn’t happen in any of the homes I go to. Either the champagne would never appear whole unwanted guests were present or everyone would be offered and no differences made between anyone. It’s absolutely absurd to offer a drink to only some of the people present.

No there is no hierarchy of drinks. But if you are rudely gatecrashed you do not have to serve the gatecrashers your finest champagne that you had hoped to share with your invited guests.

TatianaBis · 24/04/2021 22:45

It was incredibly rude of PIL to invite SIL and DH to have a meal with these old friends from overseas and basically disallow you and your DH to even see them.

My parents would never dream of behaving like that.

I guess FIL punished you via champagne.

Doesn’t sound like they have any manners at all.

FedUp1984 · 24/04/2021 22:45

knitted regardless of him not being happy - he wasn't invited, and neither were you. Why didn't your DP arrange another time to see these friends? Why did you have to gatecrash the evening too?
The more champagne you drink, the less there is for PIL's actual, invited guests.

Can you genuinely not see how you were rude in this situation??

UhtredRagnarson · 24/04/2021 22:47

But if you are rudely gatecrashed you do not have to serve the gatecrashers your finest champagne that you had hoped to share with your invited guests.

Of course you don’t, which is why I said it shouldn’t have been brought out.

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