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Original poster

Fil reluctant to serve niether myself nor dh nice champagne?

999 replies

KnittedJimmychoos · 24/04/2021 22:07

Fudged details in case the eye of sauron gets hold...

But Mil and fil had been entertaining their friends, say Peter and Jane... Dh and I came in after their meal... And fil opened a really nice bottle of champagne.. Dh and I sat down chatting and fil served his friend but not me?
I made eyes at dh so he got a glass and went to serve me a glass, dh was driving and also doesn't like it.. Fil suddenly looked panicked and asked who was driving, and as dh poured he tried to make sure it was a half glass even though dh said he was ie empty excuse ? Meanwhile he then took the bottle and topped up his fiend chatting happily!
Dh then took bottle to fill me up and again fil seemed panicky!!
I did say I only fancied one glass.. And he sort of sucked in his breath and looked at me like a five year old and said "this is a really good bottle".

For context there is no way on earth my df would ever serve one person like this and not another!
Maybe he got out this bottle and hadn't reckoned on us coming back but isn't this the height of rudeness?? The mother of his only grandchildren??

Pils live in house worth a few million, not London, are very well off.. Have a wine cupboard.. They also treat dh like this.. On other stuff... Ie this wasn't a treasured special bottle saved for anniversary they can't replace..
I'm not keen anyway but I felt this was so unpleasant! Your not good enough for me to give nice champagne too!
Can't say the make because its fudged details.

Or.. Is it understandable to only want to serve this to his pal who it was intended for? I often feel like we are treated like second class citizens!!

OP posts:
Knackered1986 · 24/04/2021 22:47

I’m dying to know the back story here!

daisypond · 24/04/2021 22:47

It’s getting worse. So now you say you actually knew you weren’t welcome in the first place. Not just that you blundered in by accident.

TatianaBis · 24/04/2021 22:48

All this talk of gatecrashing? I can't imagine that my dps would ever have made me feel unwelcome whenever I turned up at their house - whatever the occasion. Similarly my adult dcs don't need an invitation to come to me and I would never ever want to make them feel unwelcome. Whatever the circumstances. But maybe some posters on here have more formal family relationships.

I think they just have worse manners.

priccey · 24/04/2021 22:48

I think you were rude op. I have a key to my IL's and they're very much help yourself to anything in the fridge, cupboard etc. But there are boundaries, I'd never turn just turn up for no reason - especially where it's clear you're not invited to a gathering - and I'd never help myself to any special food or drink without prompting.

Original poster
KnittedJimmychoos · 24/04/2021 22:48

Will, probably half way between the two Grin they do know I like a drink.

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock · 24/04/2021 22:48

It was rude not to offer you both a drink of what was poured. It was also rude turning up uninvited they were clear they didn't invite you.
As you were there I'd have offered whatever drink was available.

Pebbledashery · 24/04/2021 22:48

I think what it is op from what you've written.. You don't seem like you have that type of relationship with your parents in law where you can just turn up uninvited and be welcomed with open arms.. If that's the case then I'm sorry that's not nice to deal with.. But I'm not sure what outcome you expected by just rocking up..

UhtredRagnarson · 24/04/2021 22:48

All this talk of gatecrashing? I can't imagine that my dps would ever have made me feel unwelcome whenever I turned up at their house - whatever the occasion. Similarly my adult dcs don't need an invitation to come to me and I would never ever want to make them feel unwelcome. Whatever the circumstances. But maybe some posters on here have more formal family relationships.

This!

It’s totally alien to me that I would be considered a gatecrasher at my parents’ home.

Bluntness100 · 24/04/2021 22:48

Op did he want to see him for a reason, like was he asking for a job or something? Why did he want to see him? He clearly doesn’t know the man well.

Medievalist · 24/04/2021 22:48

And the, "this is a really good bottle" comment would probably have prompted me to offer it back with a, "better not waste it on me then" response. Or, I might have gone into the kitchen and put a splash of orange juice in it and possibly rummaged around for a packet of salt and vinegar crisps to eat with it.

daisypond · 24/04/2021 22:49

@UhtredRagnarson

But if you are rudely gatecrashed you do not have to serve the gatecrashers your finest champagne that you had hoped to share with your invited guests.

Of course you don’t, which is why I said it shouldn’t have been brought out.

The champagne had already been served long before the OP arrived. The guests were having top-ups.
Bluntness100 · 24/04/2021 22:49

It’s totally alien to me that I would be considered a gatecrasher at my parents’ home

So? It can’t be beyond you to understand not all families function the same as yours.

Hotelhelp · 24/04/2021 22:49

@Medievalist you’re right. Most people’s parents or parents in law would have invited them to this gathering or at least not mentioned it if they didn’t want them there for whatever reason. OPs PILs had made it clear they didn’t want them there so she did gatecrash. It’s not about formal or informal relationships. No one has a right to be at an event just because they want to be and the host is their family member.

UhtredRagnarson · 24/04/2021 22:50

The champagne had already been served long before the OP arrived. The guests were having top-ups.

That not how it reads in the OP.

UhtredRagnarson · 24/04/2021 22:50

Dh and I came in after their meal... And fil opened a really nice bottle of champagne.

@daisypond

LaurieFairyCake · 24/04/2021 22:50

They don't like you or your husband Confused - why didn't they invite you both over when dh wanted to see old family friend ?

I think they treat you both appallingly

Supersimkin2 · 24/04/2021 22:50

Who drinks champagne after lunch unless it's for a toast?

TatianaBis · 24/04/2021 22:51

@daisypond

It’s getting worse. So now you say you actually knew you weren’t welcome in the first place. Not just that you blundered in by accident.
What kind of parents, when an old friend of the family visits from overseas, bars one of their children from even visiting, yet invites the other for a meal. OP’s DH probably won’t have a chance of seeing them from some time. Depending on their ages, possibly never.

I totally understand why DH over-ruled his parents rudeness, from a desire to these friends. No doubt the friends would have been glad to see him, and chuffed he made the effort.

SamMil · 24/04/2021 22:51

I would never just pour my husband a glass if we'd popped in to see my family & they were entertaining guests. Especially a fancy champagne. I'd always wait to be asked, even with family. I imagine they were excited to share with the guests & weren't expecting you to help yourself.

daisypond · 24/04/2021 22:51

@UhtredRagnarson

Dh and I came in after their meal... And fil opened a really nice bottle of champagne.

@daisypond

Ah, right, I misread
Sparklesocks · 24/04/2021 22:52

It must be tiring holding up your brass neck OP Grin

TatianaBis · 24/04/2021 22:52

@LaurieFairyCake

They don't like you or your husband Confused - why didn't they invite you both over when dh wanted to see old family friend ?

I think they treat you both appallingly

Yep.
BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 24/04/2021 22:52

Wouldn’t you just not let them in the front door? “Hi Jane, what a surprise. We actually have visitors with us this evening, can I give you a ring tomorrow?”

The DH and OP probably said "we know Peter and Jane are here tonight, but we wanted to just say hello while they're in the area. We won't be long, just enough to say hi."

Then they walked in and expected drinks.

Original poster
KnittedJimmychoos · 24/04/2021 22:52

To be clear we didn't burst in, sit down and say "we want the finest champagne known to humanity and want them now..."

Merely went in... Hellos... Fil happened to open the drink and poured glass..
Chatting but no glass of anything for us... At all.. I don't think at that point pils minded us being there... It was just very clear the special expensive champagne was not for us.

OP posts:
bluebluezoo · 24/04/2021 22:53

The mother of his only grandchildren??

Well that makes all the difference.

Not many people can bear grandchildren. You should be treated as the truly special and unique person you are...

I don’t know why they didn’t offer you the champagne, but clearly you felt entitled to some anyway.

Did the guests bring it perhaps? And fil thought you were going to help yourself all night so nobody got more than a small glass? Maybe the guests were celebrating something..