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Original poster

Fil reluctant to serve niether myself nor dh nice champagne?

999 replies

KnittedJimmychoos · 24/04/2021 22:07

Fudged details in case the eye of sauron gets hold...

But Mil and fil had been entertaining their friends, say Peter and Jane... Dh and I came in after their meal... And fil opened a really nice bottle of champagne.. Dh and I sat down chatting and fil served his friend but not me?
I made eyes at dh so he got a glass and went to serve me a glass, dh was driving and also doesn't like it.. Fil suddenly looked panicked and asked who was driving, and as dh poured he tried to make sure it was a half glass even though dh said he was ie empty excuse ? Meanwhile he then took the bottle and topped up his fiend chatting happily!
Dh then took bottle to fill me up and again fil seemed panicky!!
I did say I only fancied one glass.. And he sort of sucked in his breath and looked at me like a five year old and said "this is a really good bottle".

For context there is no way on earth my df would ever serve one person like this and not another!
Maybe he got out this bottle and hadn't reckoned on us coming back but isn't this the height of rudeness?? The mother of his only grandchildren??

Pils live in house worth a few million, not London, are very well off.. Have a wine cupboard.. They also treat dh like this.. On other stuff... Ie this wasn't a treasured special bottle saved for anniversary they can't replace..
I'm not keen anyway but I felt this was so unpleasant! Your not good enough for me to give nice champagne too!
Can't say the make because its fudged details.

Or.. Is it understandable to only want to serve this to his pal who it was intended for? I often feel like we are treated like second class citizens!!

OP posts:
HongkongphooeyNo1 · 25/04/2021 16:11

Suspect there is a whole back story here that would put this incident into context.

You can't judge something like this in a vacuum.

LuaDipa · 25/04/2021 16:14

@TatianaBis

That may be what happens in your culture. It is not always common in English culture, and in many families it is considered rude to not tell people in advance that you are going to visit. It is considered "especially* rude to turn up when you have been told specifically that you are not invited - the OP knew that they were not invited and therefore was extremely rude.

English culture my foot. PIL were extremely rude and it’s clear they’re not really bothered about their son and his wife. It’s interesting how few posters have grasped how rude the PIL were.

Yes I agree. I’m sure the friends were appalled by the fil’s rudeness towards his own dc. I can’t imagine only offering one visitor a drink, whilst pointedly ignoring the others, regardless of the circumstances.
SparrowNest · 25/04/2021 16:16

@Fieldoftheclothofgold

The OP (and people agreeing) seem to believe it should never be okay for her PIL to have a meal with just the people they want to invite, and budget their (very expensive) alcohol accordingly. I don’t get it.

Obviously on ‘normal’ occasions it would be rude to not offer everyone present a drink, but this was a special occasion and the OP was NFI.

No, specifically that it’s unpleasant to invite over an old family friend who none of the family have seen for years, and to exclude one of two (adult) children who grew up knowing that friend.

I can’t imagine my parents ever doing something similar. It just wouldn’t happen. It’s amazing to me how many posters are obsessed with minor social niceties over this really quite significant unpleasantness.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 25/04/2021 16:17

Why must parents of adult children always be delighted and overjoyed when their kids drop round, even if they're entertaining friends? Does the reverse happen? Can parents drop by on an adult child's night out and expect to be greeted with open arms?

CounsellorTroi · 25/04/2021 16:18

@KnittedJimmychoos

I do concede that I am chatty they are not really and I do chat and talk (shoot me how)
Are you a conversation hogger?
SchadenfreudePersonified · 25/04/2021 16:19

I can’t believe how many posts there on on this thread but the thinking of the OP has not changed one iota

I expect Under-Bridge etiquette is different.

Original poster
KnittedJimmychoos · 25/04/2021 16:20

I've really enjoyed the humour on this thread, I feel much better about it all. 🤣🍾🍾🍾🍾🍷🍷

OP posts:
FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 25/04/2021 16:20

Lol at Coca Cola overwhelming taste buds 🤣🤣

emilyfrost · 25/04/2021 16:24

@KnittedJimmychoos

Hmm sorry Billy, why bother reading it then? I really dislike grammar police I can't help how I write Confused
Of course you can help how you write 😂

But I agree with pp. OP isn’t willing to accept that turning up uninvited and helping yourself is exceptionally rude and ill mannered so I really don’t know why she started this thread 🤷‍♀️

TheMethodicalMeerkat · 25/04/2021 16:25

It’s amazing to me how many posters are obsessed with minor social niceties over this really quite significant unpleasantness

Well, it may have been unpleasantness as you put or or it may be that there are reasons the ILs didn’t want to include them at this particular gathering. Ops bull in a China shop approach hints that she may not be the person one would want at every social event...

Either way, showing up at somebody else’s dinner party when it’s been made clear you’re not invited isn’t a breach of “minor social niceties” is it? It’s extremely rude, pushy and a deliberate two fingers to the ILs.

purplecorkheart · 25/04/2021 16:27

I am genuinely curious why you posted this thread op? What did you hope to achieve out of it? You refuse to strongly reflect on your own behavior. You seem to want us to say that you and your dh are victims of you in laws behaviour and that your own dp are a shining example to us all. You refuse to answer any questions that cause you to self reflect or the may not suit the narrative you want to spin.

GlassBoxSpectacular · 25/04/2021 16:30

The only situation where it might be ok is a snacky meal of very over salted junk food (eg burgers, or takeaway etc) where the food is so salty that it kind of doesnt matter what you drink.

Or a situation where you wanted a drink of coke with your meal so you had a drink of coke with your meal.

BadMotherLover · 25/04/2021 16:30

I would love to make a flippant comment about always enjoying a large vodka and a couple of lines of coke for breakfast before a day of childcare.

But the Mumsnet hardliners would burn me alive before I'd finished preparing DC's mushy banana.

LuaDipa · 25/04/2021 16:30

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

Why must parents of adult children always be delighted and overjoyed when their kids drop round, even if they're entertaining friends? Does the reverse happen? Can parents drop by on an adult child's night out and expect to be greeted with open arms?
They can in my house. Even dmil who can be particularly challenging and hasn’t always been kind to me would never behave like the op’s fil. Our parents are always welcome here, no matter who else may be visiting. Ditto our dc, who I will always be delighted and overjoyed to see because they are my favourite people in the world.
NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 25/04/2021 16:34

Um...wtf? FFS, what did I just read?!? confused I have coke with ANY meal (ok, bar breakfast). Coke is purely a soft drink, just like lemonade or squash

I wouldnt have lemonade with a dinner either. I wouldn't drink tea or coffee with dinner either, if only because they reduce iron absorption from food.I only drink squash quite weak, so it's a much milder flavour with far less sugar than coke.

Are you seriously telling me you would be in a restaurant having a tasting menu dinner and you would order a vodka and coke? Or a cup of tea?

daisypond · 25/04/2021 16:35

Um...wtf? FFS, what did I just read?!? confused I have coke with ANY meal (ok, bar breakfast). Coke is purely a soft drink, just like lemonade or squash. It makes zero difference to the taste of the meal, any more than a cup of coffee, tea, water, or juice would.

But you don’t have any of those drinks with a meal either, except water, so that proves the point. After a meal, or before it, fine.

GlassBoxSpectacular · 25/04/2021 16:37

Are you seriously telling me you would be in a restaurant having a tasting menu dinner and you would order a vodka and coke? Or a cup of tea?

Adults can choose whatever they want to drink with their meal. Just because it wouldn’t be your choice doesn’t make it verboten.

Carryonlikeaporkchop · 25/04/2021 16:38

Are you seriously telling me you would be in a restaurant having a tasting menu dinner and you would order a vodka and coke? Or a cup of tea?

Yes, if that's what I wanted to drink (and it was on the menu).

TatianaBis · 25/04/2021 16:39

You can’t overrule people’s rudeness in their house and with their champagne without being a cheeky arsehole. They have a right not to invite him and his entitled wife.

😂

When your own family treat you with such rudeness and contempt all bets are off.

GlassBoxSpectacular · 25/04/2021 16:39

But you don’t have any of those drinks with a meal either, except water, so that proves the point.

How do you know what that poster drinks, or does not drink, with a meal? Confused

DungeonKeeper · 25/04/2021 16:40

Because coca cola is a terrifically sugary, acidic, artificially flavoured drink. Its taste will overwhelm your tastebuds, it's not going to bring out the flavours or complement the food served.

The only situation where it might be ok is a snacky meal of very over salted junk food (eg burgers, or takeaway etc) where the food is so salty that it kind of doesnt matter what you drink

Hahahahahaha ok then.Hmm

And no I don’t drink vodka and coke.

CokeDrinker · 25/04/2021 16:41

Of course I would have coke with any meal! It's just a meal!

DungeonKeeper · 25/04/2021 16:42

OP you need to start thread number two this one is almost full

Fieldoftheclothofgold · 25/04/2021 16:46

TatianaBis

I suppose that means be as rude as you like. The OP was.

FinallyHere · 25/04/2021 16:47

it was made clear ish we were not welcome.

So not such an invisible social boundary?

And yet, and yet, you turned up anyway ?

Nothing good was ever going to come from this. There was probably a reason that you were not invited.

One of many clues that you were not invited or welcome is that you were not offered drinks. Your excuse that you just dropped in to see the visitors anyway doesn't really stand up.

Shudder at the idea that being the mother of their grandchildren trumps everything else.

I can well imaging that there is a biblical backstory. The relevant thought here is from the Quakers 'consider the possibility that you might be wrong '

You and your PiL may well have different social mores. If you do want to improve the relationship so that they welcome you as you think they should, maybe start by not turning up when not invited.

If you want to invite them and show them how it should be done, here is a link to a bottle you might provide for them. Make sure you buy enough to share with anyone who turns up, it's only £2,000 a bottle

https://www.clos19.com/en-gb/krug-clos-dambonnay-2000-bottle-p-1000200*