Fil reluctant to serve niether myself nor dh nice champagne?

[KnittedJimmychoos]

Fudged details in case the eye of sauron gets hold...

But Mil and fil had been entertaining their friends, say Peter and Jane... Dh and I came in after their meal... And fil opened a really nice bottle of champagne.. Dh and I sat down chatting and fil served his friend but not me?
I made eyes at dh so he got a glass and went to serve me a glass, dh was driving and also doesn't like it.. Fil suddenly looked panicked and asked who was driving, and as dh poured he tried to make sure it was a half glass even though dh said he was ie empty excuse ? Meanwhile he then took the bottle and topped up his fiend chatting happily!
Dh then took bottle to fill me up and again fil seemed panicky!!
I did say I only fancied one glass.. And he sort of sucked in his breath and looked at me like a five year old and said "this is a really good bottle".

For context there is no way on earth my df would ever serve one person like this and not another!
Maybe he got out this bottle and hadn't reckoned on us coming back but isn't this the height of rudeness?? The mother of his only grandchildren??

Pils live in house worth a few million, not London, are very well off.. Have a wine cupboard.. They also treat dh like this.. On other stuff... Ie this wasn't a treasured special bottle saved for anniversary they can't replace..
I'm not keen anyway but I felt this was so unpleasant! Your not good enough for me to give nice champagne too!
Can't say the make because its fudged details.

Or.. Is it understandable to only want to serve this to his pal who it was intended for? I often feel like we are treated like second class citizens!!

Your PILs are arses. You and your DH have a brass neck to turn up at an event where you so clearly weren't wanted. I love that you topped it off by almost giving your FIL an apoplectic fit by necking back his expensive booze .

Point to you. I'd definitely start pocketing the silver on the way out too in case everything is left to the more favoured sibling when they peg it.

Because not everyone on here thinks that the PILs were rude, obviously.

Exactly. Many posters don’t grasp how rude the parents were because they don’t really understand good manners.

My point in my pp was that I don’t find this to be representative of the English in general. (Simply the gaucheries of certain portions of society.)

Ha

I’m with your in laws

I’d be very pissed off if some gatecrashers who didn’t like champagne much drank two glasses from an expensive bottle that I’d saved to share with friends!

The whole bottle probably only had 8 glasses in it anyway

Have I just read this?

Who is John? What have I missed? WTAF!!

Sorry Peter not John

@KnittedJimmychoos

How on earth can you deduce that I'm trying to control fil! I simply want what I want to drink wherever that is....

You sound like Veruka Salts... I want it NOW.

You simply cant always have what you want and where you want... cant believe that needs saying as anyone above the age of 8 knows that unless they are a completely spoilt brat.

You want champaign... guess what tough shit.
You want it on someone elses property... guess what tough shit.
You have no rights to it, get the fuck over yourself.

It also sound like you have (he classic phrase) Champaign taste on a beer budget.

@ForThePurposeOfTheTape

Who is John? What have I missed? WTAF!!

Sorry Peter not John

For the purposes of the tape - you need a name change (or a job in the Met) 😉

John is Peter’s evil twin who owns a vineyard in the Champagne Region (where he is known as Jean, obviously). He has been conspiring with Nigel Havers (FIL) to murder Peter to be the sole inheritor of Great Aunt Mildred’s will after Peter shafted him with their parents will five years earlier.

The OP (and people agreeing) seem to believe it should never be okay for her PIL to have a meal with just the people they want to invite, and budget their (very expensive) alcohol accordingly. I don’t get it.

Obviously on ‘normal’ occasions it would be rude to not offer everyone present a drink, but this was a special occasion and the OP was NFI.

FIL holds the grudge due to the affair and illegitimate child (DH).

@ForThePurposeOfTheTape

- PIL specifically didn’t invite him despite the request, SIL invited.

OP didn't say that her h told his parents that he'd like to see John. If he'd asked what time he could come round to talk to him and parents said no then they'd be rude but it wasn't communicated to parents that he'd like to see John so their appearance was a surprise, especially as PIL saw OP and their son earlier that day.

She said that she and DH were there when the plans were discussed, and he was specifically NFI despite his desire to see the old friend. SIL was invited but not him.

The parents were staggeringly rude to exclude him in this way, so DH over-ruled their rudeness in his desire to see said friend.

the champagne was a celebratory drink as they had just written your dh out of their will?

The parents were staggeringly rude to exclude him in this way, so DH over-ruled their rudeness in his desire to see said friend.

You can’t overrule people’s rudeness in their house and with their champagne without being a cheeky arsehole. They have a right not to invite him and his entitled wife.

I have grown up children who drop by any time invited or uninvited. But....if they knew I was having a night with friends I wouldn’t expect them to just turn up. Nor would I do it to them if they were having a night with friends. It’s rude.

But the SIL is in their bubble so was allowed to be there....

*This my theory, for what it is worth. Peter is DH's biological father. FIL and Peter were business partners in some country with a dodgy human rights record. Peter had an affair with MIL and DH was the result. As a consequence, FIL has always resented DH. Even though it was MIL and Peter who had the affair. FIL and Peter's business was very successful, but infidelity and undemocratic regime meant that it could not last. Move onto to the present day and MIL is trying to re-establish friendly relations. For FIL having Peter and DH in the same room is too much.....the grandchildren aren't actually his, they are Peter's. So OP's battered fanny and thirsty behaviour are inconsequential.

Just a theory*

Brilliant @badmotherlover

I mean, what other explanation could there be that FIL isn't falling over himself to share his favourite champagne with delightful DIL who battered her fanny to provide him with GC

AIBU posters are not know for their insight. The response really comes down to how you wrote your OP

Oh get over yourself @TatianaBis! Ignoring the fact that YOU TOO are an AIBU poster, the fact that you don’t agree with other posters doesn’t make you right and them wrong, nor does it mean that we’re somehow lacking the ability to read and digest the information provided ffs .

@MiddleClassProblem

FIL holds the grudge due to the affair and illegitimate child (DH).

This. Now we are getting close to the truth. This is the biblical backstory that OP is holding off on. DH is being punished for being Peter and MIL's biological son.

Maybe it was a special/private celebration/ commiseration for their friends , that was too personal to explain to you.

Not offering you a drink was clearly a hint from FIl that you should take your leave and go.

You and DH were tactless and thick skinned not to pick up on that.

Can someone start a new thread on why it’s ok/not ok to order a vodka and coke with dinner? (Why is it not ok?)

Because coca cola is a terrifically sugary, acidic, artificially flavoured drink. Its taste will overwhelm your tastebuds, it's not going to bring out the flavours or complement the food served.

The only situation where it might be ok is a snacky meal of very over salted junk food (eg burgers, or takeaway etc) where the food is so salty that it kind of doesnt matter what you drink.

@BadMotherLover I was just adding to a pp theory. I can’t take credit for that one.

@Frogartist

But the SIL is in their bubble so was allowed to be there....

Bubbles are for single adults. No single adults in this scenario so no. The only bubbles here are champagne bubbles

Just as a matter of interest - these are your PIL's friends, who your husband knows vaguely, but wanted to pop-in on .

Why did you feel the need to go with him?

Everyone should have been polite. So Father in Law should have offered and behaved graciously rather than betraying his panic. You should have made excuses not to partake.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

Can someone start a new thread on why it’s ok/not ok to order a vodka and coke with dinner? (Why is it not ok?)

Because coca cola is a terrifically sugary, acidic, artificially flavoured drink. Its taste will overwhelm your tastebuds, it's not going to bring out the flavours or complement the food served.

The only situation where it might be ok is a snacky meal of very over salted junk food (eg burgers, or takeaway etc) where the food is so salty that it kind of doesnt matter what you drink.

Um...wtf? FFS, what did I just read?!? I have coke with ANY meal (ok, bar breakfast). Coke is purely a soft drink, just like lemonade or squash. It makes zero difference to the taste of the meal, any more than a cup of coffee, tea, water, or juice would.