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This forum is the home of Mumsnet classic threads.

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Mumsnet classics

Awkward misunderstandings that you had as a child

184 replies

CompleteBarstool · 14/03/2021 18:33

I've just been reminded of the time where I'd overheard the word "bollocking" used and had no idea it wasn't a word a child used....until I saw the look on my Dad's face when 6/7 year old me told him that I'd had to give the cat a bollocking earlier for scratching the furniture.

Any similar stories?

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NameChangedForThisFeb21 · 14/03/2021 18:36

I used to ask childless women when they’d be getting a baby or tell them that they must be going to be a mummy soon...usually women I thought would be amazing mums.

I thought that God sent an Angel to give EVERY lady a baby. Like Mary.

As an unhappily childless woman myself now, I really cringe at the pain I must have caused some of my family members who couldn’t have children. I wish someone had set me straight.

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HarrietSchulenberg · 14/03/2021 18:49

Next door's cat used to love Dairylee cheese so it became known as pussy cheese in our house. School dinner hall fell silent as I told my friends what I had on my sandwiches for lunch. I was 13 and it took years to live it down.

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CompleteBarstool · 14/03/2021 19:14

OMG ..... pussy cheese .

Bet your friends were on the floor!

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Malin52 · 14/03/2021 19:25

Went to a neighbours house for New Year's Eve drinks with my parents when I was about 8. We didn't know them very well and I was a shy child.
The man of the house welcomed us in then leaned past me to shut the door. I thought he was going in for a hug and a kiss for some reason so I kissed him on the cheek.
Everyone looked totally taken aback and I was just standing there hoping the ground would open and swallow me up. Awful

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Malin52 · 14/03/2021 19:29

When I asked my mother what 'lesbian' meant aged around 6//7 having heard it referenced on the TV. I saw immediately from her face that this was 'Not A Good Question' and almost instantaneously I worked out myself what it meant.

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howdidigettobe50something · 14/03/2021 20:20

I was at an aquarium with my dad and sister when I was about 7 or 8 I think. I was looking at some fish and called out to my dad to come over and see these fish with 'lovely long testicles'. My dad and sister just stood in hysterics!

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LavenderDiamond · 14/03/2021 20:22

That letters from my french pen pal should not be referred to as french letters.

Me saying "ooh I wonder if there will be a french letter on the mat when we get home" was too much for my mother

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Inclinedtochatter · 14/03/2021 20:26

My mum told us a penis was called a tassel. Imagine my confusion when my grandma couldn't wait to show us her new sofa with tassels along the bottom!

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drayday · 14/03/2021 20:26

I thought the word 'loathed meant something similar to 'loved' and had to write a letter of thanks to my auntie and wrote ' i loathe you and I loathe the gift you sent me'

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LavenderDiamond · 14/03/2021 20:30

@Inclinedtochatter

My mum told us a penis was called a tassel. Imagine my confusion when my grandma couldn't wait to show us her new sofa with tassels along the bottom!

That's hilarious 😂

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Easterbunnygettingready · 14/03/2021 20:36

When I asked dm if I was a bastard as my df didn't live with us..
On the bus on the way home from school...

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nopenotplaying · 14/03/2021 20:40

@HarrietSchulenberg pussy cheese

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TotoAnnihiliation · 14/03/2021 20:46

@drayday

I thought the word 'loathed meant something similar to 'loved' and had to write a letter of thanks to my auntie and wrote ' i loathe you and I loathe the gift you sent me'

I actually laughed out loud at this!

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Dilbertian · 14/03/2021 20:49

I got into trouble at school for calling my friend a lucky bugger. Well, beggars aren't lucky, are they? It was a good few years before I learned the meaning of bugger.

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VenusClapTrap · 14/03/2021 20:51

We met up with some friends of my parents and their kids at the seaside when I was quite small. I’d recently heard the word bastard, and thought it was some kind of animal. I skipped ahead along the promenade then turned round and shouted “Come on you bastards!”

I was a complete people pleaser as a child, well behaved and used to being praised. I was completely floored by the absolute bollocking I got and was confused and upset about it for a very, very long time!

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TedMullins · 14/03/2021 20:55

I used to think ‘typical’ meant something was bad, because my dad would roll his eyes and say ‘typical’ at minor neighbourhood annoyances. I think something came up on the news about a murder or attack and I piped up, ‘that is TYPICAL!’ I was shocked to learn what it really meant

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OhToBeASeahorse · 14/03/2021 20:58

Amusing one: I misheard in church and thought you were supposed to say 'pleased to meet you're when you shared the peace, so I said that for ages.

Less amusing: I tried to French kiss my dad when I was about 6 or 7. I can only assume that I was confused about boundaries (was being sexually abused at the time)

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WhatsErFace2020 · 14/03/2021 21:00

I was about 7 and I asked my dad what a prostitute was whilst watching (if anyone remembers) the TV show ‘Band of Gold’. I remember the whole room went quiet and he just replied, “I’ll tell you when your older”

Reader: he never did tell me

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FlipFlapFlop1980 · 14/03/2021 21:08

I wrote up in my "News" book at school after returning from the Summer Holidays that we'd visited the Social Services while on holiday.

My teacher contacted my parents that day

I was 8 and I actually meant the motorway services. I'd got confused because I'd heard my parents talking about Social Services checking my Mum because she was a childminder.

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Iwantacookie · 14/03/2021 21:15

My dm told me today about a time when I was about 9ish we had been to see my nan who wasnt well and apparently I asked my dm if nan was going old and fertile dm said she absolutely pissed herself at the time

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MrsTophamHat · 14/03/2021 21:18

I used to think "twat" was just a variation of "twit". So i told my mum that my little sister was messing with my Barbies and being a silly twat.

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MusicTeacherSussex · 14/03/2021 21:19

Saw my mother taking sanitary pads from the cupboard whilst on the loo, but didn't see where they went! I was reeeeeeally young and assumed they were posh toilet papers for grown up ladies so I started helping myself to them, using them instead of loo roll then flushing them down the loo :o

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Shutupyoutart · 14/03/2021 21:33

Great thread😂. mine was when i was about 8 Was out with older cousins, had just been swimming were sitting having food after and one of them had bought me a teen magazine, I started reading the agony aunt section and there was one asking the agony aunt about pubic hair so i stop reading and ask them all innocently hey what's public hair?! silence and then fits of laughter. I cringe when i think of that now.

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CorianderBee · 14/03/2021 21:45

My sibling called my dad a cunt once. She'd overheard it at the park and just thought it meant Wally.

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CompleteBarstool · 14/03/2021 21:50

@CorianderBee

My sibling called my dad a cunt once. She'd overheard it at the park and just thought it meant Wally.

Bet that was a conversation stopper.

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