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Original poster

Awkward misunderstandings that you had as a child

184 replies

CompleteBarstool · 14/03/2021 18:33

I've just been reminded of the time where I'd overheard the word "bollocking" used and had no idea it wasn't a word a child used....until I saw the look on my Dad's face when 6/7 year old me told him that I'd had to give the cat a bollocking earlier for scratching the furniture.

Any similar stories?

OP posts:

NameChangedForThisFeb21 · 14/03/2021 18:36

I used to ask childless women when they’d be getting a baby or tell them that they must be going to be a mummy soon...usually women I thought would be amazing mums.

I thought that God sent an Angel to give EVERY lady a baby. Like Mary.

As an unhappily childless woman myself now, I really cringe at the pain I must have caused some of my family members who couldn’t have children. I wish someone had set me straight.

HarrietSchulenberg · 14/03/2021 18:49

Next door's cat used to love Dairylee cheese so it became known as pussy cheese in our house. School dinner hall fell silent as I told my friends what I had on my sandwiches for lunch. I was 13 and it took years to live it down.

Original poster

CompleteBarstool · 14/03/2021 19:14

OMG ..... pussy cheese .

Bet your friends were on the floor!

OP posts:

Malin52 · 14/03/2021 19:25

Went to a neighbours house for New Year's Eve drinks with my parents when I was about 8. We didn't know them very well and I was a shy child.
The man of the house welcomed us in then leaned past me to shut the door. I thought he was going in for a hug and a kiss for some reason so I kissed him on the cheek.
Everyone looked totally taken aback and I was just standing there hoping the ground would open and swallow me up. Awful

Malin52 · 14/03/2021 19:29

When I asked my mother what 'lesbian' meant aged around 6//7 having heard it referenced on the TV. I saw immediately from her face that this was 'Not A Good Question' and almost instantaneously I worked out myself what it meant.

howdidigettobe50something · 14/03/2021 20:20

I was at an aquarium with my dad and sister when I was about 7 or 8 I think. I was looking at some fish and called out to my dad to come over and see these fish with 'lovely long testicles'. My dad and sister just stood in hysterics!

LavenderDiamond · 14/03/2021 20:22

That letters from my french pen pal should not be referred to as french letters.

Me saying "ooh I wonder if there will be a french letter on the mat when we get home" was too much for my mother

Inclinedtochatter · 14/03/2021 20:26

My mum told us a penis was called a tassel. Imagine my confusion when my grandma couldn't wait to show us her new sofa with tassels along the bottom!

drayday · 14/03/2021 20:26

I thought the word 'loathed meant something similar to 'loved' and had to write a letter of thanks to my auntie and wrote ' i loathe you and I loathe the gift you sent me'

LavenderDiamond · 14/03/2021 20:30

@Inclinedtochatter

My mum told us a penis was called a tassel. Imagine my confusion when my grandma couldn't wait to show us her new sofa with tassels along the bottom!

That's hilarious 😂

Easterbunnygettingready · 14/03/2021 20:36

When I asked dm if I was a bastard as my df didn't live with us..
On the bus on the way home from school...

nopenotplaying · 14/03/2021 20:40

@HarrietSchulenberg pussy cheese

TotoAnnihiliation · 14/03/2021 20:46

@drayday

I thought the word 'loathed meant something similar to 'loved' and had to write a letter of thanks to my auntie and wrote ' i loathe you and I loathe the gift you sent me'

I actually laughed out loud at this!

Dilbertian · 14/03/2021 20:49

I got into trouble at school for calling my friend a lucky bugger. Well, beggars aren't lucky, are they? It was a good few years before I learned the meaning of bugger.

VenusClapTrap · 14/03/2021 20:51

We met up with some friends of my parents and their kids at the seaside when I was quite small. I’d recently heard the word bastard, and thought it was some kind of animal. I skipped ahead along the promenade then turned round and shouted “Come on you bastards!”

I was a complete people pleaser as a child, well behaved and used to being praised. I was completely floored by the absolute bollocking I got and was confused and upset about it for a very, very long time!

TedMullins · 14/03/2021 20:55

I used to think ‘typical’ meant something was bad, because my dad would roll his eyes and say ‘typical’ at minor neighbourhood annoyances. I think something came up on the news about a murder or attack and I piped up, ‘that is TYPICAL!’ I was shocked to learn what it really meant

OhToBeASeahorse · 14/03/2021 20:58

Amusing one: I misheard in church and thought you were supposed to say 'pleased to meet you're when you shared the peace, so I said that for ages.

Less amusing: I tried to French kiss my dad when I was about 6 or 7. I can only assume that I was confused about boundaries (was being sexually abused at the time)

WhatsErFace2020 · 14/03/2021 21:00

I was about 7 and I asked my dad what a prostitute was whilst watching (if anyone remembers) the TV show ‘Band of Gold’. I remember the whole room went quiet and he just replied, “I’ll tell you when your older”

Reader: he never did tell me

FlipFlapFlop1980 · 14/03/2021 21:08

I wrote up in my "News" book at school after returning from the Summer Holidays that we'd visited the Social Services while on holiday.

My teacher contacted my parents that day

I was 8 and I actually meant the motorway services. I'd got confused because I'd heard my parents talking about Social Services checking my Mum because she was a childminder.

Iwantacookie · 14/03/2021 21:15

My dm told me today about a time when I was about 9ish we had been to see my nan who wasnt well and apparently I asked my dm if nan was going old and fertile dm said she absolutely pissed herself at the time

MrsTophamHat · 14/03/2021 21:18

I used to think "twat" was just a variation of "twit". So i told my mum that my little sister was messing with my Barbies and being a silly twat.

MusicTeacherSussex · 14/03/2021 21:19

Saw my mother taking sanitary pads from the cupboard whilst on the loo, but didn't see where they went! I was reeeeeeally young and assumed they were posh toilet papers for grown up ladies so I started helping myself to them, using them instead of loo roll then flushing them down the loo :o

Shutupyoutart · 14/03/2021 21:33

Great thread😂. mine was when i was about 8 Was out with older cousins, had just been swimming were sitting having food after and one of them had bought me a teen magazine, I started reading the agony aunt section and there was one asking the agony aunt about pubic hair so i stop reading and ask them all innocently hey what's public hair?! silence and then fits of laughter. I cringe when i think of that now.

CorianderBee · 14/03/2021 21:45

My sibling called my dad a cunt once. She'd overheard it at the park and just thought it meant Wally.

Original poster

CompleteBarstool · 14/03/2021 21:50

@CorianderBee

My sibling called my dad a cunt once. She'd overheard it at the park and just thought it meant Wally.

Bet that was a conversation stopper.

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