Awkward misunderstandings that you had as a child

[CompleteBarstool]

I've just been reminded of the time where I'd overheard the word "bollocking" used and had no idea it wasn't a word a child used....until I saw the look on my Dad's face when 6/7 year old me told him that I'd had to give the cat a bollocking earlier for scratching the furniture.

Any similar stories?

Went through a stage of calling people a transvestite as an insult, no idea what it meant

God this thread's the laugh I needed! Pussy cheese!

I was around age 9 and I thought 'pimp' was another word for 'annoying jerk' as in 'annoying big brother'. I went through a day-long phase of telling my older brother to get out of my room and stop being such a pimp.
I say 'day-long' because, by the third time I called my brother a pimp, my dad had overheard and put an abrupt end to my very brief 'pimp-shaming' phase.
I still have no idea where I got 'pimp' from.

I'm cringing so bad remembering this,
but I was reading Mizz magazine and reading the problem page.
I then decided in front of my mum, my dad and my dads friend to proudly announce " I know what a blow job is".
Whyyyyyy I was about 10 or something. Cringing now again .

@TommyShelby

I have always been into history and when I was about 6 we were learning about castles and knights in school, so I had lots of new words and phrases floating about my little 6 year old brain.

My parents very kindly took me to the Tower of London, keen to encourage this love of history. I was happily wandering about the armoury and stood in front of a huge suit of armour where I could read that it belonged to Henry VIII. It’s at this point you have to realise what is at the eye line of a suit of armour for a six year old as I promptly announced ‘see mammy! I told you henry viii had a big codpiece!’

Apparently the man nearest me fell about and my mother wanted the ground to swallow her up! I skipped on regardless and it’s been brought up consistently for the last 30 years to remind me

My sister did the same, we saw the armour and she loudly exclaimed 'oooh mummy, didn't he have a large willy'

My mum was torn between uncontrollable laughter and wanting the floor to swallow her up.

I changed schools aged 5, after my reception year, and in my old school the free milk was lined up on the windowsill and we were encouraged to go drink it whenever we wanted through the morning. At my new school I got to the end of the first morning and we were lined up to go into lunch, and the teacher made me step out of the line and announced to everyone I was a thief and did everyone know what that meant? It meant I had been stealing milk. She said she'd watched me 'sneak off' several times (this was apparently much, much worse than just once).

Then I was told to sit down in the classroom while everyone else carried their milk bottles into the hall to drink with lunch.

I still really dislike the taste of lukewarm milk (it's revolting to leave it out on the side for a couple of hours!).

I've told this before....

Stood in the kitchen washing up one day when DS, who was about 3 or 4 at the time tells me he knows where Fairy Liquid comes from. Intrigued I asked and he scuttled upstairs and returned with a copy of a book. He then opened a page and pointed to the line: "The volcano spewed a FIREY liquid" Couldn't breathe for laughing. He's now 28 and I still tease him.

Similarly, he told me his best friend in Nursery was called Lewis Loo. He was half right, the boys name was Lewis, but Lewis Loo was the company supplying the Portaloos to the building site next door and he'd read it and assumed.

@VenusClapTrap

We met up with some friends of my parents and their kids at the seaside when I was quite small. I’d recently heard the word bastard, and thought it was some kind of animal. I skipped ahead along the promenade then turned round and shouted “Come on you bastards!”

I was a complete people pleaser as a child, well behaved and used to being praised. I was completely floored by the absolute bollocking I got and was confused and upset about it for a very, very long time!

Crying here

Cheerily told my Mum a joke which involved Popeye climbing up The Mount of Olives.

She asked if I knew what it meant (I was about 9 or 10 I imagine). I didn't know, and I still wonder why I told her because it wouldn't have been funny to me if I didn't understand it.

@HarrietSchulenberg first time I've belly laughed in ages!!! 😂 Thank you.

@VenusClapTrap 🤣

Aged 9 or 10 in primary school. We'd just finished PE and getting changed when I loudly announced that I was "knackered". A shocked silence ensued and the teacher said that they didn't expect that kind of language from me. I'd heard it on TV and thought it simply meant tired, with no other connotations (ie being tired after sex).

As a pre-schooler I attended a playgroup held in a community centre. The staff said that next time we'd be playing on the space hoppers and I remember being worried about needing to take money with me as I thought they'd meant playing Space Invaders arcade game. (I'm fairly certain that the community centre did have arcade games as there was also a members' bar area.)

At primary school my teacher told me to 'pull my socks up' Obviously now I would understand the meaning of this (weird phrase to use for a 7 year old anyway) but at the time I looked down at my white knee socks and hoiked them up as requested. I couldn't understand why she then got more annoyed.

pussy cheese

Wait, is knackered a sex word? I thought it just meant tired / worn out, like a horse going to the knackers yard. Have I been being crude my whole life?!

@LittlestBoho

Wait, is knackered a sex word? I thought it just meant tired / worn out, like a horse going to the knackers yard. Have I been being crude my whole life?!

Yes, it does come from worn out horses going to the knackers' yard, but 'knackers' is also a slang term for testicles so I would imagine that's where the sex bit comes in.

@LittlestBoho

Wait, is knackered a sex word? I thought it just meant tired / worn out, like a horse going to the knackers yard. Have I been being crude my whole life?!

You and me both! It’s a regular response from me. No idea there was any sexual connection.

Dh used to play a game with ds when he was very small. It involved stroking the child’s hand while saying “Soft Kitty, nice kitty” - or something along those lines (Dh is foreign and it’s a game from his country that you play with little kids). Then when the child isn’t expecting it, you switch suddenly to “Bitey Kitty!” and slap the hand instead of stroking it. Ds loved this game, and trying to predict when Kitty would get bitey and snatch his hand away.

Anyway one day Dh took ds into some public toilets in a museum, and whilst in the cubicle with him, ds suddenly piped up “Daddy can we play the stroking game?!”

Dh could not get out of there fast enough.

I got the meanings of ‘orgy’ and ‘mortuary’ mixed up. My older sister found it hilarious and told everyone at my 14th birthday party. I just wanted to die (and presumably end up in an orgy!)

When I was about 8 I told my best friend she was a stupid twat. I'd overheard it and thought it meant the same as twit. I remember her Mum telling me very sternly to never use that word again

@LittlestBoho

Wait, is knackered a sex word? I thought it just meant tired / worn out, like a horse going to the knackers yard. Have I been being crude my whole life?!

Yes it means tired after sex!

oh god, I use the word knackered all the time

@Claudia84

What a lot of rubbish. A quick google of the derivation will tel you otherwise. People are confusing it with "knackers" meaning testicles.

Keep saying knackered. It's fine.

Wtf I say knackered daily 😴

I’m not going to change saying knackered just because other people are determined to turn everything into a sexual thing. To be honest it’s them that any embarrassment should fall back on.

I've not used the word knackered in company ever since I was told off for saying it, but I do wonder if its a slightly older generational thing where it has sexual connotations? I googled before posting and it seems that these days it is just used for meaning tired, but I read somewhere that it used to mean sexually tired.