Awkward misunderstandings that you had as a child

[CompleteBarstool]

I've just been reminded of the time where I'd overheard the word "bollocking" used and had no idea it wasn't a word a child used....until I saw the look on my Dad's face when 6/7 year old me told him that I'd had to give the cat a bollocking earlier for scratching the furniture.

Any similar stories?

@LavenderDiamond

That letters from my french pen pal should not be referred to as french letters.

Me saying "ooh I wonder if there will be a french letter on the mat when we get home" was too much for my mother

Reminds me of an episode of Antiques Road Trip we were watching last night (oh yes, we know how to live!!).

One of the experts bought a brass "french letter holder". I did raise a titter at that, but I think I covered it well and it went unnoticed.

I've one to add.

Our eldest when he was about 7 (now 19) came out of school and was enthused about what they had been learning that afternoon.

Driving home he was sat in the front with me and said "did you know, dildos are extinct!!".

I died and the car almost went up the pavement!

I asked my mum what a virgin was and she told me it was someone without children, I very proudly went to school the next day pointing out how I was a virgin and telling various people they were too until someone with much more knowledge than me pointed out my mistake.

@Piccalily19

I asked my mum what a virgin was and she told me it was someone without children, I very proudly went to school the next day pointing out how I was a virgin and telling various people they were too until someone with much more knowledge than me pointed out my mistake.

Errr. You mean you weren't??!

Oh God @LittlestBoho, your poor grandma!!

When I was about 7ish I found a condom (in the wrapper) on my parents' floor and asked my mum what it was. She said it was something people used so they wouldn't have any more babies. I insisted on knowing more details, and so she explained that men put them on their willies, which I misheard as in their willies (I knew the basic mechanics of sex at that point but no more than that, so it seemed like a reasonable explanation).

A while later I said something to my teacher about how I'd always be an only child, and she made some offhand comment about how you never know, you might get a little brother or sister one day. I told her that wasn't possible, because my dad put things up his willy and it meant he couldn't have any more babies God knows what she thought I meant!

I thought “good riddance” was just another word for saying “good bye”. Cue 6 year old me sitting outside the village hall at the end of a birthday party cheerily shouting “Good Riddance!!” to everyone as they left.

@Malin52 ha! Yes I didn’t word that the best (night feed typing😴) . I was definitely one!
Pointing to childless adults and children a like going “you’re a virgin!” Was meant I meant to write 😂

@JeremyIronsBenFolds

Another one here who didn't realise the difference between twat and twit. My DSis and I were arguing in the back of the car, we must have been about 8 and 10 I think, and one of us called the other a twat. Cue DM telling us we shouldn't use that word. Of course we wanted to know why. DM wouldn't tell us, just said we shouldn't use it. After the twentieth or so chorus of 'but, whyyyyyy', she snapped and shouted 'because it means CUNT!'. We were utterly mortified and sat in silence the rest of the way back .

😀😀😀😀😀

Aeons ago, when I was maybe 10, I said, ‘Oh, balls!’ at the dinner table, having dropped something.

There was a brief silence, then my DF said very firmly, ‘That is not a word to use in mixed company.’ 😂

Having heard it at school, I still had no idea why I shouldn’t say it - what on earth was rude about those round things you played with? It was a while before anyone enlightened me.

Talking of which, a very young nephew once remarked that their dog was licking his balls again. My Dsis told him that the correct word was testicles.

Roll on a week or two and he asked, ‘What’s that word again, Mum? The one that means willyballs?’ 😂

I don’t know if this counts but I never knew what the word “nonce” meant until about 4 years ago (I’m 33!) when dh told me. I heard it as a child and thought it was just a bit like calling someone a Wally, a sort of daft term of endearment. I’d been calling people a “nonce” affectionately my whole life! No one told me but I do remember some shocked and angry faces god knows why no one ever confronted me or told me what it meant before. I obviously never said it in front of my parents of anything as I had no idea what it actually meant. I dread to think how many people I’ve inadvertently offended over the years.

@Prettybubblesintheair

I don’t know if this counts but I never knew what the word “nonce” meant until about 4 years ago (I’m 33!) when dh told me. I heard it as a child and thought it was just a bit like calling someone a Wally, a sort of daft term of endearment. I’d been calling people a “nonce” affectionately my whole life! No one told me but I do remember some shocked and angry faces god knows why no one ever confronted me or told me what it meant before. I obviously never said it in front of my parents of anything as I had no idea what it actually meant. I dread to think how many people I’ve inadvertently offended over the years.

It’s not just you! Me and another poster have mentioned the same earlier in the thread. I was a similar age to you, her DH was in his 40s. So embarrassing eh?!

[quote poottoot]@NameChangedForThisFeb21 you're not alone! My DH said, "he looked like a bit of a nonce" (outfit at wedding) to my aunt and uncle and I had to intervene. He's 41.[/quote]
Oh good I’m not alone!

I definitely only used it as a term of endearment, I would often say to my children “come on my little nonces” if they were being a bit silly...I dread to think what people thought if they overheard! I definitely know I would have said it at toddler groups too

I remember in the 80s there being a TV campaign warning about 'drinking and driving'. I then recall being in the car with my DF and he had a can of pop, I was mortified that he was breaking the law by drinking and driving!

Morning, everyone. We've had several nominations for this thread to move into Classics, so we'll shift it over there now.

Similarly to those who didn't know what nonce meant, I didn't know what a pervert was. I thought it meant someone who was a bit clumsy. Someone asked me what a new teacher was like and I answered ''He's a bit of a pervert but he's alright.'' I explained what I meant when questioned and it was all fine but I dread to think what the outcome could have been.

I used to think phallus meant banana shaped. I went to school about age 11 and proudly told my teacher saying that the moon was shaped like a phallus.

Learned a charming insult in grade 5 (1985) that I had no idea what it meant.
Dad walked me home from school and I called him a 'poo jabber' and he lost it yelling at me that I was never to call anyone that again. Never explained it, just yelled and dad was not a yeller at all. Stuck with me for years.
Took me til I was 29 to work out what it actually meant.

I remember at 10 putting my hand up in class to answer the teacher's question about different ways to describe conversation. My answer? Social intercourse - because I'd read it in one of my sister's university books. The teacher was very polite but lots of the class giggled and I was mortified though I didn't understand what I'd done wrong.

My sister aged 8 came home from school and recited her new song about her teacher that the ‘naughty’ girl had taught her.
“Miss Howett plays for Celtic, she nearly scored a goal. She did the splits and split her tits and the ball went up her hole”.
My sister was proud as punch. Mum and dad were

@MrsTophamHat

I used to think "twat" was just a variation of "twit". So i told my mum that my little sister was messing with my Barbies and being a silly twat.

I was in my late 30s when I was told what twat meant!

@Jgmcl74

My sister aged 8 came home from school and recited her new song about her teacher that the ‘naughty’ girl had taught her. “Miss Howett plays for Celtic, she nearly scored a goal. She did the splits and split her tits and the ball went up her hole”. My sister was proud as punch. Mum and dad were

hilarious

I thought it was illegal to get married to a man who was younger and or shorter..
I have no idea where I got that from. My friend was like, my dad is shorter than my mum though? I was like oh

@VenusClapTrap

We met up with some friends of my parents and their kids at the seaside when I was quite small. I’d recently heard the word bastard, and thought it was some kind of animal. I skipped ahead along the promenade then turned round and shouted “Come on you bastards!”

I was a complete people pleaser as a child, well behaved and used to being praised. I was completely floored by the absolute bollocking I got and was confused and upset about it for a very, very long time!

Hilarious! I remember learning a song from other kids with several verses which I went home and recited for my mum. One of the verses was about a sexy soldier rolling me over in clover with his hand down my knicks! I was about 7 yrs old. Mum just listened and never commented just said, very good and changed the subject. I'm sure she was just thinking 'wtf'!

Apparently aged about 3 I came out with the c word thinking it was a bit like idiot shortly after being around whilst my dad watched an important football game. He's a wonderful decent man but turns foul-mouthed when football's on. He's also Scottish, not sure if that's relevant.

I used to think having an accident only meant wetting yourself.

A girl in schools dad was in hospital after having an accident, and I asked very loudly why he couldn’t just change his pants and get over himself.

I imagined this ward full of embarrassed men with pee soaked trousers😂