Awkward misunderstandings that you had as a child

[CompleteBarstool]

I've just been reminded of the time where I'd overheard the word "bollocking" used and had no idea it wasn't a word a child used....until I saw the look on my Dad's face when 6/7 year old me told him that I'd had to give the cat a bollocking earlier for scratching the furniture.

Any similar stories?

I have a few. Any remember the song 'Substitute ' by Clout which was out in late 70's when I was about 10. I had heard only girls in out street singing "I'll be your prostitute", so started singing those words around the breakfast table when the song came on the radio. My DM put a quick stop to, that. I also thought Crap just meant rubbish as I had heard people using it to describe things going wrong. Aged about 9/10 I had helped my DM make cakes and told my DD that they tasted okay, but looked like crap, he went ballistic. The worst one was when I was on holiday visiting some ancient ruins in Spain and my DSis and I were standing under an arch and a bloke asked us if we were Vestral Virgins, I had no idea what that meant (the Vestral bit) so 13 year me standing next to 14 year old sister shouted out " Of course we are not flipping virgins." My sister nearly died of embarrassment and reminded of the story for years after.

My parents ran a shop when I was young, I told the teacher they'd been shoplifting all weekend (instead of stocktaking!) I also said my dad was a groupie - meant hippy

My dad was tickling me once in the kitchen with the back door open and within earshot of many houses and I bellowed "Help! Rape!" He pretty much dropped me.

I thought it meant attack.

^^Vestal, not bloody Vestral ffs!

@Motherof2Dragons

My dad was tickling me once in the kitchen with the back door open and within earshot of many houses and I bellowed "Help! Rape!" He pretty much dropped me.

I thought it meant attack.

Oh God, I did that with my brother, my parents were furious. We didn't understand for years.

We were at the petrol station and the petrol man came over to help us...I was sitting in the backseat and had the window down...I saw that the man was called Mitch( nickname for Mitchell) on his name tag...I was aimlessly amusing myself by saying his name and coming up with other words that rhymed with it as I was just learning to read. My Dparents about died when I recited my list of rhyming words almost to the man's face
" Mitch, ditch, stitch, witch, itch, bitch, twitch" ...cue my DF rolling up my window and shouting not at me to never say that word again! I had no idea what he was going on about, but have never played that rhyming game since!

I’m so relieved to see other people with the nonce mistake! I used it to a chap I quite fancied. Killed that stone dead! The word Id wanted was numpty.

HAHA, that post made my day

Just found this thread, but thought you might appreciate another story.

I grew up during the AIDS crisis, and some of my early TV memories are of those terrifying (to younger me) tombstone adverts. Anyway, I clearly remember the blunt message "always use a condom" at some point in the public health campaign. I knew it was something to do with sex, I knew my mum was terrible at talking about sex and my dad just wouldn't, so there was no point asking him.
So, I asked my mum what a condom was. And she said it was like a rubber skin that the man wears.
I thought she meant a wetsuit. For years ....