Guess what I've been sent...

[Kumquatsquash]

Ordered some stock for my shop from Alibaba. As soon as I opened the box I suspected something was wrong as the wraps are bigger than expected. Can you guess what's in them?

What does one do to activate it's powers, lick it, rub it gently or if you're a bloke, poke it randomly till it shouts, "oh, for fuck sake".

PunYoni

I clicked on this thread thinking it would be the usual dull item with the OP dragging it out for hours.
How wrong was I!!

😂😂😂😂😂

Did it have a return address mentioning a Mr Pablo Escobar?

Amazing 😂

"track my minge"

If you're buggering them to open them you're doing it all wrong.

I was imagining so blokeat work running round shout to his staff "where's my fannies gone! Has anyone seen my fanny.?"

@Kumquatsquash

There's more but they are a bugger to open.

Woops quote fail ☝

Brilliant

@ChocolateCherrybomb

What does one do to activate it's powers, lick it, rub it gently or if you're a bloke, poke it randomly till it shouts, "oh, for fuck sake".

Flappis lazuli!

I also sell crystals and stuff, but the ONLY thing I order from Alibaba/AliExpress is the little organza bags I sell them in. After seeing this the bags will remain the only thing I order from them.

If you start up a new shop for these, under a pseudonym may I also suggest you crochet a lot of chain stitches into the most improbably 'underwear' / thongs. Some of the stuff I see on online is 'niche' but not hard to make...

Resell and label as Fannytastics.

I'd never had guessed that. Obviously.

By untumbled - presumably you mean virgins? Also 'bugger to open' - have you tried some relaxing music and dimming the lights?

@TheChampagneGalop

Stroke them for relaxation. I think stroking your own would be more rewarding, and cheaper.

Troof

I've just laughed at a very inappropriate time during the BoJo update

@SuperlativeScrubs

Forgot to include. Behold!

Yup, that's the kind of thing we supply.

Of course possibly to use to meditate whilst on you very own yoni electric steam throne (not recommended by the way) whilst wearing a beguiling yoni steam cape.
www.etsy.com/uk/listing/848066853/deluxe-electric-steam-throne
There's a veritable catalogue of items to curate for a theme based shop in etsy to be had. I never knew there was so much pampering to be done..

Hilarious!!

I'll take one of the lapis lazuli please! And in case there aren't enough yoni crystals to go round, a yoga teacher of mine once made one out of paper mache. So there's a lockdown craft project for you all.

Omg we have one of those in the office. Absolutely god knows why. I work with 9 guys and they constantly go round and put it on each others desktop depending on who is the most annoying that week/day. Think they might be too scared to put it on mine. Ive no idea why we have it, no one wants to own up!

"...Secret Santa presents..."

ROFL

This cheered me up a tad 🤣