Guess what I've been sent...

[Kumquatsquash]

Ordered some stock for my shop from Alibaba. As soon as I opened the box I suspected something was wrong as the wraps are bigger than expected. Can you guess what's in them?

Stroke them for relaxation.
I think stroking your own would be more rewarding, and cheaper.

Thanks for putting me off my tea, TheChampagneGalop ... at least OP's are less, ummm, realistic

I googled Yoni Crystals: The eggs sound better!

Yoni Eggs are carved from crystals into the shape of eggs. They are inserted into the vagina for up to 12 hours per day for the purpose of strengthening the vaginal muscles, connecting with your Sacred femininity, and toning the pelvic floor.

A friend of mine recommended these crystal wands (not the exact picture but the same thing).

They were listed under healing dildos. She was mortified when I pointed it out to her.

Christmas presents say there paper weights

@TheChampagneGalop

Stroke them for relaxation. I think stroking your own would be more rewarding, and cheaper.

I've got two hands.

@TheChampagneGalop

Look www.etsy.com/se-en/listing/922957290/25-agate-yoni-crystal-carving-vagina Now we can all get our own! Expensive though, you can make some money OP.

£45! And mine are better, even if I do say so myself!

OP if you do open a new shop specially for these may I suggest you name it ForeverNether

Forgot to include. Behold!

I thought the CF in-laws ski chalet zombie thread resurrection was the pick of the day... And then I found this! Thank you for the giggles OP and everyone else with the crystal vulva puns !

I thought it was posh soap from your first picture and was going to say at least you could melt it down and re-mould it... no idea what you're supposed to do with 30 crystal fannies though

I absolutely love lapis lazuli but that one kind of looks like the model has a wicked case of labial lichen sclerosus

I’m hoping that was a lucky guess and we haven’t actually met in real life.

@Kumquatsquash

I ordered raw, untumbled crystals. I've got 30 fannies in Lapis lazuli, amazonite and rose quartz.

Omg!!! Lol I certainly wasn't expecting that haha

🤣🤣🤣🤣

@psychomath

I thought it was posh soap from your first picture and was going to say at least you could melt it down and re-mould it... no idea what you're supposed to do with 30 crystal fannies though

I suspect they would sell out just from this thread 😂

Are they “accurate” ? Can they be used as incense holders?

That's stocking fillers and Secret Santa presents for the next few years

Oh goodness, and I have a zoom call about my new job in a couple of minutes. No idea how I’m going to keep a straight face with that image floating in my mind...

Meanwhile some poor sod is putting their parcel details into Track My Minge to find out what's happened to their delivery...

MY SIDES ARE KILLING ME NOW!!! Owwwww! I laughed far too much at that.

I really want a rose quartz minge

I suspect your elderly nan would actually be totally fascinated and unfazed by a quartz fanny. Older women are usually not shocked by anything.

About to RTT.

In case someone feels inspired by this thread and want to stick some yoni crystals up their fanjo, don't. It can actually be harmful.
www.health.com/condition/sexual-health/jade-egg-goop

@GnomeOrMistAndIceGuy

Amphetamines?