Guess what I've been sent...

[Kumquatsquash]

Ordered some stock for my shop from Alibaba. As soon as I opened the box I suspected something was wrong as the wraps are bigger than expected. Can you guess what's in them?

Epic thread OP - my youngest DD has demanded BUT WHAT IS IT MUMMY and I can’t stop laughing long enough to even attempt an explanation

@apolloanddaphne my husband is engrossed in his online language lecture. I am eating dinner quietly reading this until I came to your post. I am now banned to the hall for snorting out loud at your post. I can't go back in for laughing and my curry is getting cold

That’s one big box of vaginas

I’d love to order one. Will you be selling them? Happy to PM you

The green ones are a bit slug like
Can we see a photo of all the colours if you have time pls?

@Blueraccoon

Yoni Eggs are carved from crystals into the shape of eggs. They are inserted into the vagina for up to 12 hours per day for the purpose of strengthening the vaginal muscles, connecting with your Sacred femininity, and toning the pelvic floor.

But what if your pelvic floor isn’t up to it? Do you end up laying an egg in the middle of Sainsbury’s?

This has me cracking up!

I quite like the green ones. They'd look nice as a paperweight or a conversation piece on my coffee table. I wonder if they do personalised ones?

Defo millions of $ of cocaine - crikey!!!

So basically you hold them and think about women?!

All the witty and hilarious puns and it's this line that finishes me.

OP - No joke - those crystal fannies will be an incredible seller for a certain type of young woman on Insta.

In fact - how much are they? I know at least 5 people who would want one as a gift.

C- for a failed attempt to get people to ask about your shop and then buy stuff.

This has me cracking up!

Eggcellent work on the pun 😂

Nominated for classics...

Vulvatastic OP!

Gosh!!! I was wrong with my cocaine guess, then!!

Looks like something Gwyneth paltrow would flog on her silly blog

For those who are wondering - if you have a weak pelvic floor a larger yoni egg would be required until it strengthens it enough to be able to hold in a smaller one

Some women can’t hold them in for that long. It’s all about building up the strength and learning to use the muscles down there in a more central releasing than just doing your pelvic floor exercises

@Kumquatsquash

There's more but they are a bugger to open.

Have you tried a lubricant?

I suspect your elderly nan would actually be totally fascinated and unfazed by a quartz fanny. Older women are usually not shocked by anything

Yeah, your nan was shagging way before you OP. List it or you'll be like the teenage boys on a thread yesterday amazed that their old mum knew who David Bowie was.

I hate to be that person, but if you're bulk buying crystals from alibaba, they're likely mined by exploited workers, slaves and children. You might want to think about a more ethical, fair trade supplier. www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/sep/17/healing-crystals-wellness-mining-madagascar

How much are you selling them for OP? They are much nicer than the Etsy ones linked to.

are these from the new upcoming action movie ...Indiana Jones and the Ali-express CrystalBajingos. ???

This reminds me of my husbands stag night. They ordered him an inflatable penis outfit to wear but didn't open the Amazon box before going on the stag.
What they got was boxes of muscle bulk protein powder, work out mats and sweat bands.
Made my day thinking of some bloke ordering his new muscle building routine and instead getting a giant knob costume.

I'm loving this!

Brilliant OP. I want one of the green yonis, I think. Just such a soothing colour. Would make an ideal present for the PHSE teacher in your life. Just think of the fun you could have scaring the kids... "Use condoms or you will catch an STD and your fanny will end up this colour..."

OP doesn't need a new selling page; she can sell them out on this thread I suspect.

I kind of what one but I have no idea why...

You may have found a new market audience here!

Well, there's obviously been a cock up!

There's some poor bloke somewhere, opening your parcel full of lumps of stone and thinking "I never knew it looked like that".