Crackers you've read on MN

[MrsMarrio]

Just a bit of fun. I've read some really awful threads on MN, then there in the comments is that poster that says something hilarious. I've got a few stored in my head.

In relation to a cheat going to the OW - "they think the grass is greener on the other side because it's covered in bullshit'

A post about partner being friends with the opposite sex, someone told a story of their other half getting 'mentionitis' about another woman who turned out to be cheating

And my favourite, a poster had took back a guy after a few break ups to which someone responded 'that's like fishing shite out the toilet- just flush'.

Anybody else got comments stuck in their mind for any future reference that fits or just me

This thread has great potential and I've been watching. I've seen loads that have made be chuckle but sadly can't remember them off the top of my head.

Can't remember if it was MN or another forum but when someone was flouncing and posted they wouldn't be back: 'this isn't an airport, you don't need to announce your departure'

@WouldstrokeTomHardy for some reason they really stick in my head, I think it's because I read them out to DH

@BearSoFair what a wonderful reply to stump someone out!

@BearSoFair

Can't remember if it was MN or another forum but when someone was flouncing and posted they wouldn't be back: 'this isn't an airport, you don't need to announce your departure'

I said that on here once.

One I remember was from a thread about stupid arguments you've had with your partner. One poster said they had a row before going out about whether, if starving, youd eat another person, say your mother in law. Yes says the husband, I'd eat your mother if desperate. Youd eat MY MOTHER???? was the horrified reply. So they go out, tell their friends about the row and the friends then weigh in. I wouldn't eat your mother! says the husband. What's wrong with my mother?! Cue huge argument all round.

Then another thread about a lady and husband taking newborn daughter out in pram. What's his name? says a passing lady, admiring the baby. Richard says the mother, and the look on her husband's face!!

How cool @BashfulClam. Maybe you're being referenced!

My favourite ever, on a thread about truly awful PIL and then their horrible dog, with examples, a horrified poster wrote "omg, even the dog's a cunt"
I was new to MN at the time, and it made me fall in love with mn!

One poster said she was dressing her baby to go out, and knew that the advice is the baby should be wearing one more layer than the adult, but she realised that they were wearing the same number of layers, but she thought the baby would be too hot with anything else. So she simply took one of her own layers off.

I think about that a lot.

There was one about a wedding, the op had a few kids, but she was only allowed to bring two of them to her sisters(?) wedding, and she had to choose which ones.

Someone said "its like Sophies choice with Canapés" 🤣🤣

@FlouncerInDenial I hope so!

Anything to do with dustbin or wheelie bin disputes ALWAYS attract my attention.
And what was the one where a neighbour put up a sign and the mumsnetter put Christmas decorations around it a day at a time?

@FlouncerInDenial 😂 yeah some dogs can be!

One were a pregnant woman claimed her dog "would be fully involved in raising her baby alongside her and her husband"

Will it? Will it really?

How many bottles can it make?

How many songs can it sing?

MAGIC DOG

@TerribleLizard 😂 very logical!

@ValleyClouds the most involved my dogs have in raising my son is that that they purposely wake him up when I've just got him to see. And see pp that some dogs are c u nxt Tuesdays!

I remember one where the poster was wondering why a woman in her neighbourhood was rude to her/ignored her. The poster thought it might be because she was single and the woman's husband was friendly to her. One poster asked what the OP wore around the neighbourhood () and another replied 'hopefully her single person's sackcloth and ashes'

I howled

*sleep even

In a thread about people's DHs and DPs farting habits. Someone said her DH would fart on the dog's head and say "that'll give you a parting".

A thread that’s now in classics.
OP kept hearing sex noises coming from her hedge.
Unanimous vote from MN “It’s foxes”
OP replies “I’ve never heard a fox ask for a finger up their bum”.

@BrandoraPaithwaite howling!

Someone was talking about her husband having a cold or something and said he was he was shuffling along in the dressing gown of doom.

Not on here but on FB a women said her daughter who was in a bad mood - “had been miserable since conception “ 😃

@TerribleLizard

One poster said she was dressing her baby to go out, and knew that the advice is the baby should be wearing one more layer than the adult, but she realised that they were wearing the same number of layers, but she thought the baby would be too hot with anything else. So she simply took one of her own layers off.

I think about that a lot.

That is fantastic. Reminds me of when my friend was doing Weightwatchers and she only had enough points left for 20g of cheese. She was meticulously weighing it out, shaving off a little, weighing it again etc etc until it was exactly 20g. Then she popped it on her plate, scooped up all the shavings and threw them into her mouth, and went off to enjoy her cheese. She never did clock what she’d done.

@purplecorkheart

Someone was talking about her husband having a cold or something and said he was he was shuffling along in the dressing gown of doom.

Ha ha, I remember the dressing gown of doom, great description

How about a recent one “holy sh*t in a Pyrex dish”

@Raera I think I remember that one. Was it a no parking sign the neighbour had put up and she kept going out and putting tinsel and little figurines on it? I remember her children were trying to guess who was doing it and she was keeping the secret brilliantly.