Crackers you've read on MN

[MrsMarrio]

Just a bit of fun. I've read some really awful threads on MN, then there in the comments is that poster that says something hilarious. I've got a few stored in my head.

In relation to a cheat going to the OW - "they think the grass is greener on the other side because it's covered in bullshit'

A post about partner being friends with the opposite sex, someone told a story of their other half getting 'mentionitis' about another woman who turned out to be cheating

And my favourite, a poster had took back a guy after a few break ups to which someone responded 'that's like fishing shite out the toilet- just flush'.

Anybody else got comments stuck in their mind for any future reference that fits or just me

Someone said Keir Starmer was trying to appease both sides regarding certain issues, and accused him “trying to ride two horses with one arse”

Also loved a phrase seen here “I wouldn’t shag him with someone else’s vagina”. Can’t remember who it was said about though!

Not really a laugh out loud one, but there was a thread with an OP worrying about her daughter who was having a tough time at university and asking for advice on how she could help. Most people were being supportive but one poster came on harrumphing about how she’d been at Leeds Uni in the 70s and they were all terrified of the Yorkshire Ripper, so her daughter should just toughen up and get some perspective

@Purpler5

Brilliant idea for a thread.

I read one earlier - parking thread, there was a “drive” but no dropped curb...“That’s not a drive, that’s just a patio with aspirations”

I saw that earlier, it really made me laugh! 😂

Has anyone got the link for the fox sex Bush one? Is it still around?

“Snapped & farted” still brings me to tears thinking about it 😂😂😂

Thread about celebrities you either loved or hated. One poster described Jamie Oliver as a fat tongued cunt. I knew I'd found my people.

Same thread as Suzi Quattro's nan I think, about fashion disasters. A woman said she bought a massive cashmere scarf to wrap around her but she ended up looking like Bobby Sands. 😂

@TerribleLizard

One poster said she was dressing her baby to go out, and knew that the advice is the baby should be wearing one more layer than the adult, but she realised that they were wearing the same number of layers, but she thought the baby would be too hot with anything else. So she simply took one of her own layers off.

I think about that a lot.

I also think about this a lot!

A personal favourite: not my circus, not my monkeys

@PostmanSpaff

Same thread as Suzi Quattro's nan I think, about fashion disasters. A woman said she bought a massive cashmere scarf to wrap around her but she ended up looking like Bobby Sands. 😂

I was about to say that thread. The comment that attempting to wear a pashmina to look classy made a poster look like "steerage class on the Titanic" quite honestly made me snort my drink, and I always thought that was a myth.

The one where a lady tested no tears shampoo in her eyes.

There was a bizarre one about a foodbank. Someone had donated oatcakes and kidney beans and was told it may not. E the best thing, she was raging, saying people should eat kidney beans on oatcakes with tomato purée instead of the other “carp” at food banks.

@DCIHoops yes! That was the one. Still howling at "husband says whoever's doing it is very childish but he's a poo poo head so what would he know?"

The Suzi Quattro’s fat nan thread was my all-time favourite - the line that still makes me laugh was the woman who walked into her house with a new perm and her BIL said, ‘Bloody hell, it’s Colonel Gadaffi!’

I was the fat match by the way

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/3288349-people-keep-having-sex-in-my-hedge?pg=3

Talking of Keir Starmer one poster described him as looking something like 'a man who had just trapped his fingers in a drawer.' That comes to mind whenever I see him, I can't unsee it.

Usual debate about how to wash clothes and towels etc and someone replied

I dont want willy sweat on the tea towels

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I like the line about washing left out overnight being ‘darked on’.

Someone described Jacob Rees Mogg as “he looks like he ejaculates dust” . 😂

@Sidge

Mostly the ones mentioned already.

The sex fox in the bushes was HILARIOUS.

As was Suzy Quattro’s fat Nan.

There are some very funny MNers.

I still love “no I’M Angela Hernandez”

I wondered how long it would be before someone mentioned Angela Hernandez

Another gem: Tim Dowling, for example, is a twat

The one with the baby layers had me laughing out loud. I do also like that the dressing gown of doom is often used here now.

I like spoony fucker, when op was saying her dh comes into the kitchen and stirs pots on the hob etc and just generally interferes.

I'm also glad I learned the phrase Disney dad from MN as unfortunately there's a lot of cause for it to be used in life.

Spiders’ willies on washing in the dark still gets me.

DD found a spider on an apple yesterday and it took every fibre of my being not to say, “Oh, no it’s rubbing its willy all over it!”

@LunaNorth

I like the line about washing left out overnight being ‘darked on’.

Omg this was so funny. Was this the same thread about the spider Willie's?

I loved the thread where the husband went to do the Christmas food shop and bought the most random, wrong things.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/1643390-For-the-first-time-ever-DH-DS-went-off-to-do-the-xmas-food-shop-I-am-still-laughing

@BouncyMonk

I don’t know if this is really what you’re looking for, but I remember on a thread about famous people you fancy, someone said Cillian Murphy’s face looked like a freshly waxed vagina!

Oh blimey it made me laugh! Think about it every time he’s on telly!

Actual Lol'ed at this one. Thank you.

I still chuckle to myself about Angela Hernandez, I think cos its something I would do

Cross posted with you! @Mycatismadeofstringcheese

So good! Do spiders have Willie's?

[quote Gancanny]I loved the thread where the husband went to do the Christmas food shop and bought the most random, wrong things.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/1643390-For-the-first-time-ever-DH-DS-went-off-to-do-the-xmas-food-shop-I-am-still-laughing[/quote]
12 tog toilet roll!!