This thread has cheered me up no end during a miserable sleepless night!
A few choice moments:
Moved into a new block of flats. Had made a mental note that if I bumped into neighbour, ask him about the location of the meters (agents didn't know.) Was coming out of my flat one weekend morning and saw him stood there saying goodbye to a woman who'd obviously stayed overnight. As she went off down the stairs I said "Oh hi!" to him and started asking about the meters. Slowly it dawned on me that he was stood there in his boxer shorts. I brazened it out. He said shortly "sorry don't know" and went back inside 😂
At a different flat, I had been let down by my usual cat sitter and thought I'd ask my upstairs neighbours a favour as I knew they liked my cat. I heard them coming in so quickly opened my flat door just as they were opening theirs. They had their front door next to mine then stairs up to their living room - converted terrace house. For some reason I decided that before I said a word, I'd crane my head so I could see up their stairs and make a sort of thoughtful "mm-hmm" noise. I have no idea why, nor why they didn't then tell me to fuck off when I asked them to cat-sit. But they kindly did and in fact enjoyed it so much that next month they adopted a kitten!
Was having enthusiastic bumsex with an ex one morning and as he pulled out I felt... Something. I said "erm, was that a bit... Messy?" He said nothing. I grabbed a tissue and clamped it to my bum and waddled to the toilet. There was a small bit of poo in the tissue. I was obviously embarrassed, it had never happened before and we had bumsex frequently. Went back in the bedroom and tried to make light of it by saying something like "oh dear, I suppose these things happen from time to time" - he didn't answer. Just completely blanked it and started talking about our plans for the rest of the day. A few days later we were having sex and I suggested anal and said "promise I won't poo!" He just said "No you're alright" 😒 We never had bumsex again 😭
Worst one. Had just got back from a morning gym session, had my shower and enjoying my 2nd coffee, I get a booty call from a very fit guy saying he's 5 mins away if I'm up for it. I said hell yes, ran to put some eyeliner and lipstick on.
15 mins later he's pounding me in missionary, I'm really into it but could feel my stomach sending me messages that I'd be needing a poo fairly shortly. At this point I had my legs drawn up but with my feet flat on the bed. Suddenly he grabs hold of my ankles and folds my legs back up to my ears, compressing my not-inconsiderable stomach and forcing a rather large poo out of my arse.
Unbelievably, he carried on for at least 30 seconds and finished, I have no idea how. He then rather quickly jumped up, checked his phone, and said "oh I gotta run babe, my mum needs me for summat" and made a hasty exit. Leaving me with a sense of burning shame and a load of unexpected laundry 😳💩