What’s the most mortifying situation you’ve ever found yourself in?

[RosieLemonade]

I was once round my MIL and FILs having Christmas drinks when MILs affair came out. It was excruciating. All the (adult) children were crying and I just wanted the ground to swallow me up. DH wouldn’t come home because he wanted to stay with his dad so I just keep making cups of tea and doing washing up! what’s been your most mortifying situation.

I had an emergency plumber round to fix a leak. I had been decorating the landing and only had time for a very quick tidy up, so I said "sorry about the mess up there".

After he left, it turned out my cat had shat in the bath tub. The poor man must have thought I was apologising for there being a turd in the bath. Little bastard cat has never done that before or since.

@HotPatootiebootie

When I was about 20 I was a single mum, full time career for my nan, full time uni student and part time waitress. I needed a smear test and the nurse could only fit me in between dropping my kids at my mums and me going to work. It was the very start of the men's health hour but I didn't mind at all. Went into see the nurse and it was really uncomfortable after she removed the speculum. She said to wait in the waiting room for a prescription for my nan and so of I went. I sat in a waiting room with half a dozen men and it was filled with those horrid plastic chairs with the metal legs. The floor was tiled. I moved in my seat as my uniform was digging in me and I let go the longest, most elephant sounding Fanny fart ever. It shuddered down the chair leg and I swear I felt it spread out along the floor. I went day glo red. A man guffawed at me and every body looked at the corners of the room while I scrambled to find cover. I picked up a leaflet from the table and hid behind it. Another person laughed in a "omg" manner and then an older man tentatively asked me if I was ok.

Id picked up a Leaflet about sexually transmitted diseases 😬😱.

It was a very long few minutes waiting for that prescription.

I’m so sorry but this made me roar with laughter thank you for sharing

This isn't mine but is one that happened to my mum many years ago.

She was in high school assembly and they were in the hall on plastic chairs. The chair in front of her was the type where the back is made of two metal poles and a plastic back between them. They were all stood up and she put her finger down the metal pipe hole (as you do) and it got stuck!!

They were all told to sit back down only she couldn't sit due to said stuck finger...

The headteacher was shouting at her to sit down and in front of the whole school she said "but sir... my fingers stuck" 😂😂 the caretaker had to come and help her out with washing up liquid and grease 😂

😂 These are so funny 😂

Another one I remember is, I had sprained my ankle and was in plaster when I was living on my own. I ordered a grocery shop to be delivered from Asda and asked him to put it in the kitchen for me. After he left I went in the kitchen and there was pizza boxes with stray bits of pizza over the kitchen floor where my cat had tried to eat the leftovers 😂

@NancyBotwinBloom

I jumped on my DH a bit too enthusiastically in a hotel and snapped his banjo.

We were both quite drunk and there was blood everywhere.

I was crying, frantically trying to find my phone to call an ambulance as i didn't know what had happened.

I'm a bit more worldly wise these days!

Yep also done this

Even on an anonymous forum mine is too mortifying to go into too much detail, but it was my young and foolish days. It involved a can of deodorant and a stuck lid! Had to go to a doctor I didn't know to have it removed.

Many years later I was horrified to discover she was quite friendly with my DH. Yes I have been in her company socially with no idea if she remembers me or not.

Loved this thread! Needed all those laughs, thank you!!

I was young and in love with my first boyfriend, so as you do wanted to act like a proper lady anyway we had just had sex for the first time and were laying top & tail in the bed, talking and laughing when I accidentally let out the biggest fart I've ever heard right in his face he just burst out laughing and didn't think anything of it, whilst I ran off and locked myself in the bathroom.

Loads...
1.Used to wear hold ups to work (nude ones, not sexy). Walking along main road to work carrying handbag, lunch, keys and work folders so hand are completely full and realise one hold up has completely dropped and is flapping around my ankle. Couldn’t do anything so hand to walk the length of the high street like it.
2.First day in a new job, same role different company. Got there nice and early, really keen. Knocked and receptionist unlocked the doors to let me. I explained I was new and she said she was too, but that the whole team were in a meeting and I could join in. Walked into board room to realise I’d gone to my old employers by mistake.
3.Sex-scapades!
Split his foreskin and blood everywhere
So drunk I shat in the shower (whilst we were showering together)
Threw up in the bed whilst on top
4.Got in the wrong car when someone was picking me up (same make and colour car) and I just sat there as didn’t realise for a minute or so. They had to ask me to get out!
5.leaving church after nativity play and Vicar and Headmistress were in foyer saying goodbye to parents. Vicar put his hands out so I went in for a hug then realised he was just holding out the donation plate. Not to be left out, I then proceeded to air kiss the Head.
I do dumb stuff all the time...!

purse surely you could have put your things down and fixed your hold up.

@Belleende

In my younger days I did a bit of rowing, usually in bigger boats, but one weekend decided to have a go in a single skull, which is basically a pencil on water. I had been out on the water a while but wouldn't figure out how to get back to the bank and out of the boat without toppling myself in.

A male rower, clad in the usual lycra all in one, offered to help me into the bank, and he stood on one of the oars whilst I got my self out.

The shoes are attached to the boat, I manged to get one foot out OK, but the other got stuck, and I lurched head first into rower guys crotch at the precise time a women's 8 came past, who stopped to spectate.

The worst thing was, I was stuck. One foot in the boat, my head in this dudes crotch, and he couldnt move or I would fall in. It took me a few excruciating minutes of yanking my foot, head still in crotch to free myself. Rower dude just pretended that it wasn't happening.

You've reminded me of a couple of rowing mishaps of my own...like the time I was out in a single, sculling along on a calm river on a beautiful sunny day, everything going well...then a men's eight rowed past, all of them with their lycra pulled down around their waists, muscles gleaming in the sun. My attention wandered for a SECOND and I rowed into the branches of a tree overhanging the river close to the bank. They ALL saw and all laughed. (It was pretty funny.) It took me a long minute to untangle myself from the branches and they could see me the entire time :(

In the sixth form, quite a small classroom, physics class. I dropped a pen and bent down to pick it up, npt realising that the teacher was walking down between the desks, my long hair wrapped itself aound his lowest coat button and I spent a long time with my head near his crotch while he tried to untangle it, I was so mortified, all I could think later that it was a pity it hadn't been the young dishy physics teacher, I would gladly have left my head there! I never lived it down, on the day we left he gave me a big bag of hair bobbles!

Years ago when I was in my early twenties, I had a UTI, to try and alleviate it, I drank about two litres of cranberry juice before work. I took the tube into work but was caught short just outside the station near work and popped into the nearest Starbucks to bin my wet knickers. Worked all morning without any knickers on, then at lunch I went out to get a sarnie with a colleague. Suddenly I was desperate for a pee, so I went into the nearest pub to relieve myself, but on the way down the stairs I just knew I wouldn't make it so because I had no spare clothes and didn't want my skirt to get wet, I lifted my skirt right up and ran down the stairs peeing and flashing my bits as I went. I ran into the chef who was coming up the stairs. When I got out in the street, I told my female colleague and said I could never show my face in there again, she said wryly "I wouldn't worry, I'm sure the chef wasn't looking at your face!"

@nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut

My dog stole a walking stick. Mortified is not even the word.

My dog once turned up with a hot, feshly cooked roast chicken. No idea where that came from!

When I was about 18, I'd gone out drinking with my DSis, DF and his new girlfriend. When we got home - a little worse for wear - I noticed a white soft top Jeep parked on the road. In all my teenage wisdom, I spouted off about how 'tacky' those cars were, how they were 'hairdressers' cars' and how I wouldn't be seen dead in one.

Of course, my DSis took great delight in announcing that the car belonged to Dad's new girlfriend. Of course it did. Mortified. I tried to backtrack - I knew it was and had only been joking... yeah, no one bought it and I still cringe at the thought, over 20 years later!

Name change for this:

Last year, my boss went on holiday to Egypt for a fortnight. Upon her return, she told us all that she'd had a nice time, but the food hadn't agreed with her and she'd spent a lot of her holiday on the toilet.

At lunchtime, she asked me and several colleagues if we wanted to see her holiday photo's. We have agreed, and she came over with her phone, handing it to me to scroll through as I was in the centre of the seated group. She then stood behind us, explaining where each of the photo's were taken and what was shown in the photo as I scrolled.

All of a sudden, I scrolled onto a photo of spread butt cheeks, showing a close up angry looking anus and some vagina. I was shocked and paused for a moment, horrified. My boss grabbed her phone back, but not quick enough - everyone had clearly seen the photo.
She started muttering about how sore her bottom was after having such an upset tummy, and that she'd wanted to see what was going on down there so had taken a photo.
But she hadn't deleted it. And it was in the middle of her holiday photo's.

I think she was more embarrassed than me, but regardless, I've never been able to look at her the same way since without remembering what her sore red arsehole looks like.

@Pinkshrimp

Heavily sedated for a procedure I became aware of swearing and shouting as I came round a bit more. I was the one actually F-ing and Blinding like a trooper 15 years later and it still makes me cringe.

Omg I did that as well! Nurse was asking me how I felt as I came round , realised it was me swearing like a trooper, nurse discreetly said ' I think we need a bit more pain relief here' shoved a bit more morphine in my cannula and I drifted off again . I didn't even know I knew those words lol.

look I'm Sooty

Omg @Cocolapew I am buckled!

Most recent one I can think of...

Woke up one morning absolutely shattered thanks to my non sleeping children. Got them ready for school/childminder and myself ready for work, feeling absolutely rotten and nauseous with exhaustion.

Driving to the childminder's to drop dd2 off, on a busy main road with nowhere safe to pull over I start to feel really really sick, then suddenly projectile vomit all over the steering wheel, dashboard and myself. I had to drop dd2 at the childminder covered in vomit and then drop ds at school before telling my manager I needed to go home and shower and change before going into work.
The childminder texted me shortly after I'd dropped off asking if I'd been sick and was I ok, and offering to have dd2 for an extra couple of hours so I could get some rest

😂Some great laugh-out-loud stories on this thread, which are sparking off memories.

1. Aged 12, just developing boobs, albeit very small (still small 😢) and we went to a family party at a hall, with a disco. I was wearing a strapless dress that was very roomy in the chest area, no bra, plus I was very thin, so I had to keep pulling the top of the dress up. Not sure if strapless bras existed then and if they did, possibly not for pre-teens. At least, I wasn’t aware of their existence. Anyway, Dad realised he knew the chap doing the disco and made a big thing of introducing me to him, as he had known my bio Mum (she had long passed away and Dad was remarried) and my Dad back in the old days. Later, I was on the dance floor with my back to 99% of people in the room - my family - and my dress slipped down, exposing my boobs 😞. Worst of all, at that very moment I locked eyes with the only person facing me... my parent’s old friend, the chap running the disco; who had now seen my exposed breasts. I felt absolutely mortified and he looked a bit disgusted. Perhaps he was just embarrassed!

1. Aged 14/15 and parents walked into my room and saw a tub of Vaseline under my bed. Dad asked rhetorically if I’d been “F*ing”. Sounds inappropriate but I think he just felt very awkward. Sometime after that they walked in and saw KY Jelly (I’d upgraded my lubrication 😂) and he made a joke and asked “What’s that for? Tampon insertion?” Both times, I did not answer him 😂

1. Aged 18/19 and took a shower at my now ex BF’s house.. got out and realised I’d forgotten to take the towel in with me. Eventually dashed naked from the loo into the bedroom. His Mum was upstairs in the room next door and went “Is that you LlamaKoala?” 🤦‍♀️

1. Aged 19/20, living with extended family and had left my room to nip to the loo. I’d left an adult toy in plain view (on the floor as well 😳), not thinking that anyone would possibly bother me. A male relative decided to come upstairs and probably knocked on my door - heard him open the door and exclaim “Oh!” while I sat on the loo, dying with shame 😳 nothing was mentioned but for years it made me burn up thinking about it. He had some very strange notions about “as I was only 19/20” that I was not interested in sex/ I was not “going to see my BF for sex” (aforementioned now Ex BF was now a Long Distance BF and he wasn’t allowed to stay over - I had to go to him when I wanted to see him - which was where the comment came up)... I think after that incident it must have broadened his mind a bit.. of course 19/20yr olds want sex! Male relative is no longer in our family picture, so I don’t have to see him.

When I was hugely pregnant with my PFB I went to the toilet and found that I had a massive pile hanging out of my bum. I was terrified and not sure what was going to happen so made an emergency appointment at the doctors.

I was embarrassed when he told me to get on all fours on the table so he could check it out, although not as embarrassed when he parted my cheeks and pulled out a half digested piece of potato skin that was hanging out. He then shoved it in my face and gave me lecture about chewing my food properly .

When I was 14 or so I tried using a tampon for the first time while having a water fight with siblings in the garden. This was all fine until my 9 year old sister goes "you've got a thread hanging out of your bikini" and yanks it. I have never been so embarrassed!