What’s the most mortifying situation you’ve ever found yourself in?

[RosieLemonade]

I was once round my MIL and FILs having Christmas drinks when MILs affair came out. It was excruciating. All the (adult) children were crying and I just wanted the ground to swallow me up. DH wouldn’t come home because he wanted to stay with his dad so I just keep making cups of tea and doing washing up! what’s been your most mortifying situation.

I once flashed a whole tube carriage - but this was London so probably no one was looking. Still, offer I have no feelings of shame when I remember it!

I had a long skirt on with an elasticated waistband. It was ever so slightly too large and I was reading a book. Looked up, spotted we had stopped at my station and l leapt up, heel on bloody hem of skirt and pulled the whole thing down.

Actually - more embarrassing was another tube journey.

I was daydreaming, away with the fairies and realised that my eyes were fixed (unfocused) on something.

I ‘woke up’ and realised I was gawping at a young woman opposite who was smiling at me (so she had clocked that I was ‘staring’). Then I realised she had a big bushy moustache (and I mean bit just some upper lip hair - a really thick, blonde moustache) - so she must have thought I was gawping at her upper lip.

Not mine, this happened to one of my best friends and still makes me laugh to this day. Long car journey to holiday destination, wearing a tie waist wraparound sarong that she's untied due to bloating after snacking on crisps. Her dd needs to wee NOW. partner pulls up car by side of busy road and she holds dd to wee in grass, cars passing by. Windy day, sarong blows off. Bending over, showing all passing traffic her thong clad arse whilst dd does the longest wee in history. Apparently some cars tooted in appreciation.

Well if we are on to flashing now...

Out in a nightclub aged about 18 in a strapless dress I had bought despite it being too big on my chest area. Quite drunk and dancing around realised there was a bit of a draught on my boobs. Yup it had slipped down!!

Also remember getting in the pool aged 16 in my new (admittedly very cheap) bikini and it going almost completely see through. I almost died. Had to get out with my dad walking in front of me and watch the rest of the family for the rest of the session.

Taking dictation from a senior detective about a pimp and his abuse of girls working for him. The graphic descriptions and foul language were bad enough, someone came in and asked him a question when they finished he turned to me and said, "Where were we." I had to read out the interview much to the hysterical amusement of a couple of detectives who I swear were hanging around to embarrass me. My tendency to blush was well known and I was scarlet that day. Within a few months of starting that job I seemed to have lost the ability to blush, I think the system was burnt out.

Oh hang on I forgot the day a prostitute stripped in my office and tried to seduce the sergeant as she tried to persuade him to let her husband go without charging him. Quite proud of myself really as I managed to get the charge sheet typed out double quick time.

I used to work for the police too and Part of the role was to take photos of new officers, or who had moved from another area.
They invariably asked something along the lines of “Right, where do you want me?” Or occasionally, “how do you want me?”
Photos were supposed to be against the same background so i invariably replied without thinking, “up against the wall!” to howls of laughter.

Outing but mortifying: working a night shift as a nurse and cane down with a VIOLENT sickness bug. As soon as trains were running, I was let go early (this was an NHS Night shift so being let out early should tell you ill I was!)and made way to train station. Had a sick bowl with me from ward. On train urge to vomit overtook me and threw up in bowl. Except I missed bowl and threw up down the leg of the man sat next To me. He looked at me and just went back to his newspaper. I was too ill to do anything or say anything other than croak “sorry” (feared if I opened mouth much I’d throw up again) but the burning shame has stayed with me since.

Argh Cricketmum - you've reminded me of when I went lane swimming in my strapless swimsuit...

It came down when I pushed off one end as I felt a bit of cold, hopefully you know what I mean.. but thinking no more of it, I did breaststroke for at least two or three more lengths to the amusement of a man in the lane beside me who kept catching my eye and smiling every time we passed (he was swimming the opposite direction to me!) I'm not normally shy and have wapped them out many times but there was something about the calm, serenity of lane swimming which jarred so completely. It was awful!

DD was 4 and we got in the lift with a neighbour and she said very loudly.. He looks like a bin man... He's did and smells too. He was not amused.

DD aged three, when a friend I hadn't seen for some years called for a coffee and chat : "Why is she so fat?" I pretended I hadn't heard her, but the friend smiled at her, and started explaining that some people have different tummies, and food makes them fatter than other people.

Morning, everyone! We've had a few votes for this thread to go into Classics so we're going to move it over now.

@2me2u2u2me

I thought I could wax my own nunny, turns out I couldn’t and split it open just on the inside, blood pouring everywhere, had to go to A&E and have a couple of Drs check me out (sure it didn’t need 2, also sure I heard a bit of sniggering) then I had to have it glued back together, mortified

Holy hell. That makes my attempt look almost professional 😂 all I did was bruise every individual pore and look like I had a venereal disease 😂

Last bit of labour and I was making some noise (as was my right!) dh was shushing me. I turned to him and said 'if you shush me one more time you c##t I'm going to fucking t##t you'
Thing is I didn't remember saying it so once baby was born I proclaimed 'I was so impressed then, I didn't swear once'
Dh and the mw looked at each other which is what made me question dh afterwards! I never say two of those three curse words ever!

@Findmeonetsy that also made me laugh out loud!!!

Name changed for this as I have told a few people.

On holiday in Cyprus a few years ago and we'd had a bit of a stressful morning. (First day there, we had got in late the previous night.) Nothing major but just a few niggly disagreements so I said I'd take the older two down to the splash pool area and grab some sun beds. Halfway round the pool dd decides she wants something she's forgotten at the hotel room. I turn on my heel and set off back, readjusting the bundle of towels I'm carrying only to hear something drop out of the pile. I look back to see my pink vibrator rolling toward the shallow end of the splash pool. There's a dad laid on his front facing the pool right where I'm stood. I stepped over, grabbed the offending article and stormed off saying 'well that's just fucking perfect isn't it!'

Dh nearly fell over laughing. He couldn't catch his breath for a good five minutes.

Not me but dh.
Slapped my mums arse playfully thinking it was me!

Had blinds fitted. 1 blind in my bedroom wasn't measured correctly so the fitter said he would re-order the blind and let me know when it arrived.
Get a phone call one morning after a bad night with then baby DS. Blind has arrived, can he come round in 30 mins to fit. So I rush round like mad to get myself showered and dressed and DS sorted in time.
Only realised after fitter had finished the job and left that I had left my knickers from the night before on the bedroom floor, right in front of the window.

@Kolsch

My son had just started school. A few days later I was walking down the road near the school and in the distance I saw a woman walking away from the school, holding my son's hand. I set off running and caught up with them. I was trying to wrestle the little boy from her while demanding to know what did she think she was doing with my son. It was only when I finally looked properly, that I realised the little boy wasn't actually my son at all, he just looked similar from behind in the distance. I just mumbled I was sorry before legging it. How that poor woman didn't punch me, i have no idea.

My second most embarrassing one was when I knocked over a policeman and his police dog with my car.
Fortunately neither was badly hurt, but the image of that policeman's face squashed up on my window screen will stay with me forever.

Oh my goodness, of all the people to hit! Reminds me of my grandma, who knocked a policeman off his bike into a hedge... on her first ever driving lesson.

Remembered another. Had a boyfriend in 6th form, and I was round his house to have tea with his family. We snuck upstairs to his room afterwards to watch a movie. Turned out he shared a room with his younger brother. His younger brother walked in on us, I didn't have a top or bra on. His brother definitely got a huge eyeful and slowly backed away shutting the door. I never went round again and we broke up not long after thank god.

Was waiting in the queue at the Post Office. Finally got to the counter and the assistant smiled and said 'Hi how's it going' . I thought he must be someone I knew but didn't recognise and was embarrassed and said 'hi I thought it was you, think I saw you in town the other day, was it your lunch hour, I was just going back to work in a rush in case I was late' ..... I couldn't stop talking rubbish

He gave me a strange look and said 'I meant your parcel, is it going first or second class'

Similar to @Northernsoullover I was at an eye appointment with my 5 month old. Ophthalmologist was checking my baby’s vision and asked me to cover one eye. Without missing a beat, I took my hand and covered an eye. My eye.

She just laughed. I laughed too and said ‘oh I bet I’m not the first to do that!’

She said nothing. I was clearly the first. Probably the last.

A few incidents from my primary school days:

My first day at a new school - at 11am we were shepherded to the dining room, and not realising what was happening (they were combining 2 or 3 classes for a spelling session) I blurted out in one of those tones that sounds incredibly loud once you've said it "But I don't stay for lunch!".

Then there was the day I tried to hold my pee in during a freezing cold outdoor games period until I could hold it in no longer and it ran down the sloping playground for yards and yards and I ran crying to the teacher.

And mortifying moment when I accidentally called the teacher Daddy in a class of 40.

Saying y for wanky instead of yankee when spelling something out. Makes sense though when you think of the shape your mouth makes?

Also, first proper boyfriend. Took a while to realise there was a rogue chocolate raisin in the bed from a packet I'd eaten earlier. It made a terrible mess and we were both horrified at what we initially thought the alternative was!

Paying for petrol and the button on already fairly low cut blouse popped off and hit the cashier straight in the eye!

Almost expired with laughter at the poster up thread referring to herself as Sooty!!! 😂😂

NEVER told anyone this

But in my late teens I invited a boy round with my parents away. Had a bit of fun(I say fun, it was awful)

When we came downstairs , he was leaving, my puppy was running around excited and I didn't realise he had wet on the floor. I slid on my puppies wee across the kitchen doing the full splits in my dressing gown and injuring my downstairs quite badly

I couldn't get up so had to sort of roll to the side , puppy jumping on me and covering more piss on myself.

The boy was in fits of laughter and never spoke to me again.