What’s the most mortifying situation you’ve ever found yourself in?

[RosieLemonade]

I was once round my MIL and FILs having Christmas drinks when MILs affair came out. It was excruciating. All the (adult) children were crying and I just wanted the ground to swallow me up. DH wouldn’t come home because he wanted to stay with his dad so I just keep making cups of tea and doing washing up! what’s been your most mortifying situation.

I keep remembering more. Dd aged just 2 and only just talking blurted out to a lady admiring her and her twin sister in the surgery waiting room that " you smell, really bad" with accompanying nose holding and gestures. I think it may have been one of her first compkete sentences.

My sister was going to the doctors with a personal problem, which she rather foolishly told her three year old daughter about before they left. My little niece walked round the crowded little surgery waiting room, and announced "My mummy has an itchy 'gina..."

I once had a Christmas Time Gp 6-8 week postnatal check up. For Dc3.

Had to collect DC 1 from nursery (age nearly 4) at 3pm. Appt at 15.15 pm, 10 mins away in car.

Crazy tight timing but only appt I could get so decided to go for it.

Had DC 2 (aged 1) and new baby with me.
Cue running them into nursery and saying 'yes yes darling' as DC1 excitedly tried to tell me something (and tap me on my front to get my attention as I bent down to tie his Velcro shoes on). I just hurried us all along.

Got everyone in the car. Dashed to Gp surgery.

Made it in. IN TIME.

Gp called me in.

I'm totally delighted at myself.

Almost glowing with the sheer 'look at me I got 3 kids here ON time' face.

Just as she asked me how I was, I raised my hand to my chest for some reason. Was just about to answer. Not sure why I stopped but I felt something. Something distinctly odd.

Now a Sane person, who isn't sleep deprived, thinks 'that's odd, I'll check it out later'.

Not me.

Not there.

Not then.

Instead reader, oh yes, I don't even try to answer.

I just start profusely patting my chest.

Now, I don't just feel something, I can hear something.

Alas, you perhaps know what's coming.

I looked down, couldn't see anything on the top of my clothes, so pulled my top wide out to see what on earth could be creating this diversion.

Reader. I didn't stop there.

The moment is forever engulfed in my brain.

I saw something - so I put my hand in - and as if my magic pulled out from under my t - shirt - an A5 Christmas card.

As if by magic.

Time stood still.

The Gp looked at me. I looked at her.

DC1 said 'oh mummy - I tried to tell you - that's my lovely card from Chloe!'

Reader.

The Gp didn't laugh.

So I didn't either.

We just moved on swiftly.

I was fine.

This was the day I realised I had lost all spatial awareness as to what my ginormous norks could hide.

I still cringe when I think of this Christmas postnatal checkup.

@Rockmehardplace how did this story end?!

2me2u2u2me

Fucking hell!

I bent/broke my boyfriend’s penis while shagging enthusiastically in my first year of university.

And again - Fucking hell!!

MsKeats

Oh that is priceless! I really should not read these whilst in Reception. It is like a goldfish bowl and I keep sniggering/snorting and my eyes run naturally so I either look like I am crying or have something wrong with me!!

I pocket dialled my ex boyfriend during a cervical smear.

And he heard the nurse say “you’re very tight. We’ll need the extra small one”

I also broke / bent his penis 20 years ago and he still feels twinges. I know it affects his sex life because his wife keeps blaming me!

We have a special bond. Luckily we’re good friends!! (And sometimes work together)

Also, I accidentally sent my husbands boss a sexual text message. 100% intended for my husband of course.

I was so mortified. 5 years later I still can’t look at him.

At the Christmas party last year he greeted me with a hug but it had been raining and I said “sorry, I’m a bit wet!”

(He obviously knew it had been raining) but he couldn’t stop laughing. He high fived my husband (they’re best mates!).

Oh god I am sweating thinking about it!! and his wife (quite rightly) doesn’t like me very much at all....

There’s no way to redeem myself whatsoever. Is there!?

I was wearing a wrap around skirt on an escalator in Selfridges. Said skirt was held by a single button. Button pinged off, skirt did a twirl and dropped to the steps and started to get eaten by the escalator “teeth”. I was wrestling with it in a short top and not very substantial pair of knickers.

The Gp didn't laugh.

If it is found out before they qualify that they have a sense of humour are they automatically stopped from getting a degree???!!! Bloody hell!

Starlightlady - what happened next? Did you manage to free said skirt? Imagining a long walk home and giving me chills, sort of thing of my nightmares. Losing a top or shorts and having no choice but to carry on

Not me but my Nan we was at her caravan and we went for a walk down this old country lane, and a family of old travellers lived there.
She began talking to the Son who then went and got his dad to speak to my nan and then the grandfather appeared. My nan couldn't get away from them!
Then we see it.
Nannas Tit was out .
Me and my brother was only about 7/8 so we didn't say anything until we walked away, one of us said nan why's your boob still out. She was so embarrassed bless her, she always brings it up on how horrible we was to her as kids😭😂😂😂.

I had a diaphragm fitted by the GP. She had her fingers inside me, checking the fit. She said to me, "How does that feel?"

I was thinking it still felt uncomfortable with her hand up me like a cow, but I meant to say, "It feels fine" but my brain farted andI actually said, "Your fingers feel nice."

@Feministschool

I had a diaphragm fitted by the GP. She had her fingers inside me, checking the fit. She said to me, "How does that feel?"

I was thinking it still felt uncomfortable with her hand up me like a cow, but I meant to say, "It feels fine" but my brain farted andI actually said, "Your fingers feel nice."

No!

Wtf was her reaction to this? Did you both laugh awkwardly or pretend like it never happened?

@Iwonder777

I once had a Christmas Time Gp 6-8 week postnatal check up. For Dc3.

Had to collect DC 1 from nursery (age nearly 4) at 3pm. Appt at 15.15 pm, 10 mins away in car.

Crazy tight timing but only appt I could get so decided to go for it.

Had DC 2 (aged 1) and new baby with me.
Cue running them into nursery and saying 'yes yes darling' as DC1 excitedly tried to tell me something (and tap me on my front to get my attention as I bent down to tie his Velcro shoes on). I just hurried us all along.

Got everyone in the car. Dashed to Gp surgery.

Made it in. IN TIME.

Gp called me in.

I'm totally delighted at myself.

Almost glowing with the sheer 'look at me I got 3 kids here ON time' face.

Just as she asked me how I was, I raised my hand to my chest for some reason. Was just about to answer. Not sure why I stopped but I felt something. Something distinctly odd.

Now a Sane person, who isn't sleep deprived, thinks 'that's odd, I'll check it out later'.

Not me.

Not there.

Not then.

Instead reader, oh yes, I don't even try to answer.

I just start profusely patting my chest.

Now, I don't just feel something, I can hear something.

Alas, you perhaps know what's coming.

I looked down, couldn't see anything on the top of my clothes, so pulled my top wide out to see what on earth could be creating this diversion.

Reader. I didn't stop there.

The moment is forever engulfed in my brain.

I saw something - so I put my hand in - and as if my magic pulled out from under my t - shirt - an A5 Christmas card.

As if by magic.

Time stood still.

The Gp looked at me. I looked at her.

DC1 said 'oh mummy - I tried to tell you - that's my lovely card from Chloe!'

Reader.

The Gp didn't laugh.

So I didn't either.

We just moved on swiftly.

I was fine.

This was the day I realised I had lost all spatial awareness as to what my ginormous norks could hide.

I still cringe when I think of this Christmas postnatal checkup.

That's long and dramatic but don't get it?

I booty called a guy I knew from school who I knew fancied me. Let's call him Dave.

When Dave knocked on the door I realised I had messaged the wrong "Dave"

A hot French student was staying at our house when I was about 14. One day, mid-very heavy period, legs akimbo on the loo, bloody towel temporarily discarded on the floor and in bursts hot French guy. I’d forgotten to lock the door. His face was horrified.

@cricketmum84

I booty called a guy I knew from school who I knew fancied me. Let's call him Dave.

When Dave knocked on the door I realised I had messaged the wrong "Dave"

Shiiiiit

@Lizadork - l manage to free the skirt, which was screwed, a little torn and covered in black marks. Loosley held it together round my waist and immediatly bought a new skirt and discarded the old one. The moral behind the story is don’t buy a wrap around skirt which depends on a single fastening.

@FunTimes2020 I was literally thinking the same. Was so long winded and couldn't figure out what was the embarrassing bit

I think it's that the nursery aged child had managed to wedge an A5 size Christmas card into the poster's cleavage which she didn't realise until she felt it in the doctor surgery.

I ordered a click and collect from Asda. Went to pick it up no problem, the asda guy put it in my car and said thank you, I leaned over and gave him a kiss and said love you see you later! I'd forgotten where I was and thought it was my OH!

I remember going on training years ago and one of the boys who I had only met that morning offered to drive some of us to the shop to get lunch. He had a two door car and I was in the back, he put the seat forward for me to get out of the car and was stood by the door waiting for me, my foot got stuck on the seatbelt and I fell out off the car and onto him

Oh man so many.

Most recent.

Went on a bad date and at the end of the night I just wanted to be home. He drove me home and I said goodnight awkwardly and couldn't get my seatbelt off. I was pressing the thing thousands of times and I was just stuck. He took this as a sign that I wanted to kiss so he leant in and I panicked and threw my head back and smacked it against the window and a kind of 'nurrrrrrhhh' sound left my body.

He looked at me like 👁👄👁, slowly pressed the release button on the seatbelt and I ran as fast as my fat legs could carry me.