Great works of literature ruined by a single sentence

[Blandmum]

Idea stolen from the Time ed website

'Hey Godot, you're early!'

'your wife? You know that mad beggar woman? Yeah, that's her.'

Mrs Lovett to Sweeney Todd

Apologies if repeat...

A mouse took a stroll in the deep dark wood, an owl ate the mouse, and the mouse was good....

"Fuck this for a lark, I'm going to join a gym"

The Loneliness Of The Long Distance Runner.

"Lily, I know we talked about making Peter our Secret-Keeper to put Voldemort off the scent, but I really don't trust him so I'm going to ask Dumbledore after all, okay?"

"Look, a rescue helicopter!" cried Piggy. "Just as well we kept your specs." said Simon.

Lord of the flies

"George, dear," said Aunt Fanny gently, "Poor Timmy hasn't been feeling well, so he's gone to live on a nice farm. I know the four of will enjoy the new kitten."

"Oh yes, I saw her being bundled off to the luggage compartment" - The Lady Vanishes

"Well, perhaps we'd better just feel for a pulse before we leave..." The Martian

"Maybe we should rule out Phil in the first instance, Rosie. Grab his toothbrush." - The Rosie Project

"Goodness, you mean you've been sold into slavery? Come with me; we'll alert the authorities." - The Chairman, Memoirs of a Geisha

Mrs Marlow to Commander Marlow

Thank God for the Pill, can't bear the thought of a big family.

All the Marlow books

Cassandra Mortmain

This family needs financial stability and a bit of common sense. I'm goin to chuck writing and apply for accountancy at uni.

I Capture the Castle

"Classics? What the hell kind of a job will I get with a Classics degree? They'll all be weirdos, anyway. Engineering, I think."
The Secret History

"No, " I cried, "you mean to have me as your Whore, when you have promised Marriage?"
"Good Point," said the Rake, "I suppose it is Time I Settled Down. I shall Inform the Family that you shall Be My Wife before my Brother Gets Any Ideas."

And I have lived in quiet Virtue ever since.
Moll Flanders

Ooh, this is fun!

"Oh Papa, 'tis me Dorrit, I have just been to the Citiziens' Advice Bureau and we've consolidated all your debts and set up an affordable repayment plan. Thank goodness you won't need to go to that debtors' prison!"

Little Dorrit /Dickens

"Jarndyce and Jarndyce might have dragged on for years, but fortunately it was resolved in a matter of days thanks to a new fast-track legal procedure."

Bleak House / Dickens

"In the 1930s, when I was desperate for a job as a vet, I had an interview with an eccentric character called Siegfried Farnon. Thank goodness I didn't get the job, I hated Yorkshire!"

All Creatures Great and Small /James Herriot

"Dear me, that gamekeeper is coming on to me a bit strong, I think we'll have to sack him"

Lady Chatterly's Lover /DH Lawrence

"CLARE: I'm devastated that my husband Henry has died. What a pity there's no such thing as time travel!"

The Tine Traveller's Wife /Audrey Niffenegger

In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. Then He was so tired that He forgot what He meant to do next and went off for a cup of tea.

"Good luck in the hungers games, Prim," said Katniss.

Thank you Professor Higgins, after one lesson, I can speak perfect English, like a lady!

My fair lady/ Pygmailion

"Winter isn't coming"
(Well it's literature to me.)

Great literature even.

The Power of One.

Then all of a sudden Peekay began to sob: "They killed Grandpa Chook".

Hoppy scowled, and produced two boxing gloves. "Hey you snivelling little English shit! See these? They're boxing gloves, and now I'm going to knock seven bells out of you!"

"You know what, Frodo, it is the One ring. It's not safe to keep it here, it needs to be destroyed in the fires of Mount Doom! So I'll give it to my friends, the Great Eagles, who can fly it over there and have this bother sorted before dawn." said Gandalf.

You are all grounded for the next three month for playing on that railway line
"The railway children"

"Sorry D'Artagnan, you're on your own"

The Three Musketeers

Genesis 1:3 And God said "Let there be light, but phase out incandescent light bulbs by 20162.

tortoiseSHELL i think I love you
( just noticed how old that post is)

Sorry Helena but I actually really fancy Menelaus.

Wendy, will you marry me after I'm finished with university?

I was a jealous idiot, Dessie but the counselling helped me recognize it.

Thank you, Mother Abbess but I'd rather become a nun. Von Trapps can surely find someone else.

You were an afwul drunk and abuser, Father and Mum's much happier with Claudius so sod off and RIP. I've a date with Ofeliai in an hour anyway so have to go.

I'm glad you decided to join the crew of Sea Shepherd, Captain Ahab.

I need a new wife God, Eve just stepped on a snake and it bit her.

I"m tired of executive management and constant heating issues, going back to serve in Heaven.

I love you too, Juliet but we should probably wait till I get a job.