Great works of literature ruined by a single sentence

[Blandmum]

Idea stolen from the Time ed website

'Hey Godot, you're early!'

'They were young, educated and well up for it on this, their wedding night.'
On Chesil Beach

'Arthur Seaton decided to stay in, have a cup of tea and watch Ant and Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway.'
Saturday Night and Sunday Morning

'Have you ever tasted a Whitstable oyster? Bleeding 'orrible they are.'
Tipping the Velvet

'Hale knew, before he had been in Eastbourne three hours, that he had caught the wrong train.'
Brighton Rock

< Was this thread really from a year ago?!>

'Jimmy Rabbitte knew absolutely nothing about music. He bought The Sun and listened to Terry Wogan on Radio 2"
The Commitments

Christmas Carol:

"Well, I suppose you have worked quite hard this year Cratchett, here's a 100% payraise and a family Bupa policy - must dash, I've taken an entire vat of amphetamine and there's no way I'm going to be getting any sleep tonight!"

"And you can feck right off" said Tiny Tim to Scrooge, brandishing his winning Euromillions ticket.

Ooh, spooky x posts Portofino!

comedy of errors

antipholus: yes, i've a twin brother. i know all about him.

dromio: so have i! fancy that!

Great mind think alike!

"No I certainly don't want to visit your family this weekend, Sebastian, and what is it with the Teddy? It makes you look like a right knob!"

A monster in the garden? I'm coming right now Bernard!

Not now Bernard.
(About my level of literary skill )

I had a minor conniption there as I clicked on this thread and scrolled through, and saw one of my old names - good job I came back to check the date on the post before firing off my dummy-spitting email to MNHQ about the nicking of alter-egos!

What's more, I didn't even laugh - at my OWN post

It's still a great thread!

Marlow in Heart of Darkness:

"My dear aunt got me a job"

"In McDonald's"

From the Very Hungry Caterpillar

'Actually I'll give it a miss. I've just joined weight watchers'

"That Estelle is a snooty cow, and ugly as feck and no I don't want to play cards with her."

Pip.

from Tess of the D'Urbervilles

"What, Tess, you've had sex before? Thank god one of us has, as I'm so innocent, and I haven't got a clue what to do"

rofl rofl at Finnegan's Wake

Little boy, "It's OK, you can chuck that scruffy old rabbit, I'm too old for teddies now. It's not like they're REAL or anything."

The Velveteen Rabbit.

Macbeth: "Is that a dagger I see before me, it's handle towards my hand?"
Lady M: "No, m'dear, it's my curling tongs. Go to bed now. We've got a busy day tomorrow what with entertaining his maj and all"

"Madge, old bean, you're far too young and inexperienced to start a school"

"Yes, I suppose you're right, Dick"

The Chalet School series

Mill on the Floss

Maggie: "Tom? God no, haven't see him for years. Have you read 'Toxic Siblings' ? It's changed my life."

Lol at Great Expectations.

Alternatively:'Joe, Joe! There's a peeeeedo in the cemetery!'

Oliver:
"Please sir can I have some more"
"Certainly son, it does my heart good to see a lad with a good appetite?

Rebecca
"I love you Max darling, but I'm afraid that creepy housekeeper of yours is going to have to go"

"Bugger this, lads, it's freezing. Let's go home"

The Worst Journey in the World