Great works of literature ruined by a single sentence

[Blandmum]

Idea stolen from the Time ed website

'Hey Godot, you're early!'

Death of a Salesman.

"What life insurance policy?"

Annie Wilkes: "So you're an author are you? Never heard of you. Anyway, here we are at the hospital, bye now!"

Misery, Stephen King.

from my rantings on a thread yesterday

Time Traveller's Wife

"No, I have never met you in my life before. You strike me as an unreliable man. I am going home"

Marianne Dreams:

"Marianne, good news, the doctor says you don't have to stay in bed"

James James Morrison Morrison Weatherby George Dupree

Took great care of his mother,

Though he was only 3,

James James said to his mother

"mother" he said, said he,

"you must never go down to the end of the town if you don't go down with me."

James James Morrison's mother put on a golden gown,

James James Morrison's mother drove to the end of the town...and left James at nursery from 8- till 5.30

'Squire Trelawny, Dr Liversey and the rest of these gentlemen asked me to write down the whole particulars about Treasure Island. I told them to f* off.'
Treasure Island

Any more

'Nurse - I think I have a touch of conjunctivitis. My eye won't open'

(The Diving Bell & The Butterfly)

Leander-'Hero,I don't think I'll go for a dip tonight.That water looks a bit choppy.

'Oh well', said Maria 'at least leprosy is not catching'

(Victoria Hislop's 'The Island')

"Ashley is going to marry Melanie..." mused Scarlett, "this means that usless twat can bore Melanie's tits off about literature for the next sixty years while I get rogered senseless by a rich guy with a black mustache. Great balls of fire!"

'Not drowning but waving.'

No, Tom, said Mrs Brown, for the last time we cannot afford to send you to boarding school.

"I decided after all that I didn't like the sound of this Gatsby fellow and that I wouldn't rent that house on Long Island Sound"

The Great Gatsby.

Eee lad, them kestrels give you bird flu, let's get thee a goldfish...

Eee lad, them kestrels give you bird flu, let's get thee a goldfish...

It is a truth universally acknowleged that a single man in posession of a fortune loves cocaine and hookers.

"Africa? You must be joking!"...Heart of Darkness

"I don't like those pigs, I'll sit on them"...Boxer, Animal Farm

Mr Pickwick decided to go on the Hip and Thigh diet...

"I've won a horse! I can sell him and buy make-up!"...National Velvet

"I'm more of a cat person"...Lassie come home

'My wife would NEVER have an affair! Go away you nasty troublemaker!'

Othello

When Mr Dashwood died it was after many years of careful financial planning and so his wife and daughters found they were perfectly well off.

Sense and Sensibility

"Heathcliff? Is that you? What are you doing skulking around ? It?s very rude to eavesdrop."

Cathy
Wuthering Heights

Gone with the wind-

Rhett Butler to Scarlett

"Frankly my dear I do give a damn,lets get back together again"

Bumping this cos I was just looking at my watched threads and it was really funny and should go into classics!

I think this brilliant thread should be resurrected. In that vein, here's my contribution.

Henning Mankell writes:
After some reflection, Kurt decided he'd prefer something less stressful, like a desk job in the Swedish civil service.

Shakespeare:
Lady Macbeth: when you durst do it, then you were a man!

Macbeth: right, that's it. I've had it up to here with you issuing orders and expecting me to jump to it. Actually, you know what you are? Controlling. And another thing....

The Go-Between:
The past is a different country. That's why I won't be going there, as I don't like foreigners.

Adrian Mole aged 13 and 3/4
Dear diary....actually, I can't be arsed.

Mrs Lambchop: "I think we should move that pin-board from above Stanley's bed, it looks a bit precarious."

Flat Stanley

Silence of the Lambs:
Actually Clarice, I've been thinking about this a lot. I'm turning vegan. Please don't mention meat in my presence ever again, or I'll get really, really upset.