Great works of literature ruined by a single sentence

[Blandmum]

Idea stolen from the Time ed website

'Hey Godot, you're early!'

Bleak House:

"Don't worry, I'm sure they'll agree to an out-of-court settlement."

One for Hunkermunker:

ONCE upon a time there was a very beautiful doll's house -- in a nursery well-provided with mousetraps.

(Hunca Munca and the Two Bad Mice)

It was spring, moonless night in the small town, starless and so it was a jolly good thing they'd got street lights installed at last.

"When shall we three meet again..."
"can't do tuesday, thats Pilates"
"and I've not got time for the coven now I've joined CronesNet"

"That Gilbert Osmond ... can't explain why but he gives me the creeps."

Portrait of a Lady

"Is this a dagger I see before my eyes?"

"No its a toasting fork with Marmees slipper on it"

This game isn't new!
...

SPRAY@the firt anna karenina

Dr Jeykell decided after an excruciating afternoon with the careers advisor to pursue a career in the Arts.

We'd like you to take these papers out to a Count Dracula in Transylvannia, your boat leaves on Sunday.
Oh god, let's just fax them shall we? It'll save an awful lot of trouble.

daddy the woods are full of phallic symbols, i'm too little to lose my red cherry, can you take me to granny's instead. little red riding hood

GUFFAW@ Threadworm and Enduring Love and MB and TLTWATW

these are funny

Ozymandias:

I met a traveller from an antique land
who said "I went to the desert, saw nothing but sand"...

I'm keeping my maiden name, thanks very much, and Danvers you can take all this tat to the charity shop and drop in at the labour exchange while you're in the High Street, you're canned.

Jane Eyre, again

Reader, I married a really nice doctor that I met. Nice chap. Not been married before. No danger of bigamy there!

at Threadworm! [scuttles off]

(Think it should be moved to MN Classics, probably, btw)

Romeo and Juliet Act One, Scene One
Romeo: Benvolio, well met. The fair Rosaline hath abandoned her vow of chastity for love of me. Wilt be my groomsman?

'Express Cooking' by Nigella

Buy it all from a deli

(Ok, not literature )

ANTONIO: Not a ducat, Bassanio. Neither a borrower not a lender be!

Merchant of Venice

nor

Lovely threadworm!

"It is a far far better thing that I do than I have ever done. It is a far far better rest that I go to than I have ever known. Three whole weeks at Sandals"

A Tale of Two Cities

Thanks, Mephistopholes, but I'm happy with my little life.

Faust.

Charles, let's set up a soup kitchen for the unfortunates of our commmunity.

Emma Bovary

Despite being an intellectual, I found Motherhood a breeze.

Rachel Cusk, a Life's Work.

Love it, TMD

Old Tom Oakley glared at the billeting officer. 'I am not taking in no evacuees, and that's final,' he growled, shutting the door of his cottage firmly in little Willie's pinched white face.

I was born, and then, well, here I am. Oh dear, you must excuse me I can never really think of anything to say about myself. Sorry, I'm awfully dull.

Tristram Shandy