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Thanks to S&B, I'm finally winning in the "pursuit of elegance."

524 replies

LavenderHills · 17/01/2020 03:08

I'm about to write a very long post about how the Style and Beauty board has helped me revolutionise my wardrobe! There's no one else in my life who is really interested in this stuff, so I've got to debrief here Smile

I have always enjoyed the threads about how to look polished or "expensive", but in my own life I've been an impulsive bargain shopper and the result was a wardrobe full of clothes but a feeling of never looking as put-together as I wanted. Last year, I decided I was going to change this and take a planned, intentional approach to my wardrobe, spending more money on less items. I know the classic, polished look is not everyone's cup of tea, but it was what I wanted, and I also wanted to shop more sustainably and buy things that would last for years and not go out of style.

Starting at the beginning of July 2019, I allocated myself a weekly sum that I was allowed to spend on clothes an accessories (100AUD per week, so about £52), added up what the total would be over the course of a full year, and then created a list of everything I thought I would need- shoes, clothes, underwear etc- to feel polished and put together. I spent a lot of time researching exactly which items I wanted and how much they cost, put it all in a spreadsheet so I could see what the total was, and eventually ended up with a list that used up 90% of the overall budget, with 10% left over for "extra" items and a list of what I might want those extras to be (new sunglasses, for instance.)

A lot of the items on my list were "boring" things that I wouldn't impulse-purchase on a fun shopping trip, and were more expensive than I'd be able to buy if I was just spending my £52 per week in an ad hoc manner on whatever I pleased. Examples include really comfortable black leather ballet flats that I can walk for miles in, and a black leather shoulder bag with a zipper and the perfect strap length. I had to save my allocated money each week, and then make a purchase when I had accumulated enough to buy the next item on the list.

I'm now almost seven months into my year of planned purchases and I can't believe what a difference it's made! For the first time in my entire life, I feel like I have the appropriate things to wear for every occasion, and it's really easy to get dressed and feel polished and elegant. Instead of cheap, fun party dresses or eleven million cute tops that don't go with anything else I own, I can now get dressed for, say, a casual brunch in jeans and a t-shirt that fit me perfectly, are made out of quality fabrics and beautifully cut. I have the right casual shoes to go with them, and a bra underneath that fits properly. My bag is a lovely, soft leather and fits the occasion, my earrings are understated but solid gold, and it all works well together without me having to think much about it. All of the "boring" purchases have added up to a wardrobe that works well for my actual life.

I can't see myself ever going back. I no longer make impulse purchases, and I find that quite calming. I can walk past shops without being tempted by a cheap bargain pair of shoes, because I know it's not on my list and the things that ARE on my list are the things I really want and will use. I don't shop in sales unless something on my list goes on sale.

I'm already brainstorming what will go on the next list once this first twelve months is up. Having pared back my wardrobe and bought the basics I need, I feel like the next step is saving up for some investment pieces, maybe only buying three or four items a year once I've replaced things that have worn out. I'm dreaming of bespoke coats and antique earrings!

None of this is rocket science, but I wanted to share it in case anyone else is like me and wants a bit of inspiration about how to make a change.

OP posts:
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BigSkies2022 · 10/07/2023 19:13

Try the spreadsheet/forward planning method, @bendmeoverbackwards ! You get all the pleasure of browsing but end up with things that you need, want, love and which go with each other.

I am waiting for a Ganni shirt dress, longsleeved, seersucker cotton. I think I will have to take it up a bit so that it fits me like it fits the (very much taller) model on the website, but if it is what I think it is, it will be one of those great, easy, go-anywhere dresses that you can dress up, dress down and which make you feel fab. And it was in the sale - £90 down from £235. Fingers crossed.

Penguinsmum · 27/07/2023 04:05

Loving this thread. Thanks to all who posted - I have learnt a lot 🙂

Darkacademic · 04/08/2023 10:33

I absolutely love this thread and while I haven’t yet done a spreadsheet I have a onenote section with all my thoughts in it. The thing I have done this month that is most crucial is finally sorting my sock drawer and buying 5 pairs each of nice plain navy, black and brown socks, rather than endlessly fighting my way through dozens of pairs of Christmas socks to find a slightly mismatched bobbly ancient plain pair! Can’t believe it’s taken me so long to do 🙄

Sooverthemill · 16/08/2023 05:07

@BigSkies2022 is it a midi or a mini version? I’ve been eyeing kne up!

BigSkies2022 · 16/08/2023 07:51

@Sooverthemill it's a midi. Which I took up, so that it fitted me like the taller model in the pics. It comes just below my knee now, so shows where my legs get slimmer and therefore IMO, looks more elegant. I am very pleased with it! It will take the place of my 12 year old MaxMara cotton summer dress which has done good service and is ready to retire.

Stylewannabee · 18/08/2023 13:01

Been following this thread for a long time . I think it has totally helped my thinking . I buy much much less and because I buy less I allow myself to buy something considerable I want or need every now and again . I value the clothes I own and treat them better . I do not go shopping or browse online as something to stem my boredom ! I buy with purpose . I’m really proud of myself .

MakemineaGandT · 25/08/2023 10:24

Love this thread - what’s on your current wish list OP?!

BleuMarine · 04/09/2023 16:23

Thank you, thank you @LavenderHills for this thread, it was just the inspiration I've been looking for.

Having decided to cull my wardrobe and concentrate on nicer pieces, several categories didn't make the cut.

Most t-shirts have been turned into cleaning cloths for dirty jobs. Those remaining are (for now) being paired with my pj bottoms and shorts, for casual mooching around at home in the evenings.

Today I ordered these in black, white and navy. More fitted than my usual style, and a little thicker. I have high hopes that they will pull together existing trouser/skirt/jacket combos for an easy day to day capsule wardrobe.

https://www.marksandspencer.com/cotton-rich-slim-fit-t-shirt/p/clp60633919#intid=pid_pg1pip48g2r11c2

I also find myself in need of a navy leather slouchy bag, and ordered this one. That now gives me a casual daytime option.

https://www.whitestuff.com/p/540/hannah-leather-tote-bag/DARK_NAVY

Strictly speaking, this is not in the true spirit of the thread, as I don't have an annual budget to work with. However, I was spending birthday money, and did get a 15% off code for the bag. And these are staples that I had been considering for a while anyway. Just hoping that the quality is acceptable.

Hannah Leather Tote Bag in DARK NAVY

Shop the Hannah Leather Tote Bag in DARK NAVY. Our new everywhere, anywhere bag. A roomy tote style with suede detailing and adjustable straps (and a detachable coin purse thrown in for good measure). Coming with baggage never felt so chic.

https://www.whitestuff.com/p/540/hannah-leather-tote-bag/DARK_NAVY

Remindmeofababe · 23/09/2023 22:03

@LavenderHills please be my friend! Such a great thread, thanks for starting it.
I have really enjoyed reading everyone's journey. Thanks so much for all your thoughts.
So - first (of many) hurdles...
On Pinterest - how do you know whose style to look at? I have typed in things like "work from home outfits" and I then get the sort of article type things rather than just pictures of people. I may not be making much sense. Am new to Pinterest and basically clueless when it comes to style and beauty issues!

Anonymouslyposting · 29/12/2023 18:19

Sorry, I know this thread has been quiet for a while but (a) I love it and (b) I wonder if @LavenderHills has any feedback on the Ivylee Copenhagen boots? I’m dithering over whether to get them in the sale.

MakemineaGandT · 30/12/2023 23:41

Oh yes I’d love an update too @LavenderHills - how has your 2023 been in terms of Style & Beauty?

Howmanyroses · 03/01/2024 12:24

Great thread! I've been following it since the beginning and re-reading periodically. Over the past 1.5 years I have completely revamped my wardrobe, selling off or donating anything fast fashion or cheaper high street and focussing on high quality natural fabrics in coordinated colourways. I have been using Vinted quite a bit to get higher quality for less. I have also followed Useless DK on youtube, as she has a simple wardrobe with neutral shades that suit me as well. She has cheat sheets and example capsule wardrobes for each season you can download to emulate.

I've also found this video a really useful guide to follow when purchasing second-hand or new and judging what is or isn't good quality :

How to Find High Quality Clothes. Dos and Don’ts.

Hi Everyone,In this video I’m talking about how I spot good quality clothes that will last in my wardrobe for years.I explain different aspects of material a...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?ab_channel=SlowDownInStyle&v=iVV9ED8LENY

Parsley1234 · 10/01/2024 09:23

Following determined to sort my wardrobe out this year

PrairieDawn101 · 11/01/2024 06:17

Following as well. Have loved seeing the updates on this thread.

KeeeeeepDancing · 12/01/2024 10:07

Hi Ive been following this thread. Has anyone used a wardrobe app? I'm tempted

Divebar · 12/01/2024 12:09

@KeeeeeepDancing

I’ve used Stylebook which I’ve been hit and miss about using. Since I downloaded it another apps come along called Whering (I think ) which might be better but I couldn’t be bothered to start again.
i like the geekiness of knowing my cost per wear which prompts me to bring out the items I neglect. I also like recording outfits after trying on sessions since I often stand in front of the wardrobe not knowing to wear. I saw someone on line in an outfit I liked and was able to put together my own version and try it on when I have time.

Thanks to S&B, I'm finally winning in the "pursuit of elegance."
KeeeeeepDancing · 12/01/2024 12:20

Yep I've gone with style book. Wering colours and logo are just awful. And I think I'd rather pay for a nice app than be pushed to buy stuff on affiliate links.

ComeBackPeterComeBackPaul · 12/01/2024 12:38

Is it a single payment for Stylebook or a monthly fee, please @KeeeeeepDancing @Divebar ?

Divebar · 12/01/2024 12:56

One off when I got it a few years ago (Well I hope I haven’t been paying monthly 😏 )

skippydo · 12/01/2024 20:47

Love this thread and currently making a plan to log my clothes on style book... also need to think about my lifestyle and outfits needed... more for work I think

Divebar · 13/01/2024 08:00

@KeeeeeepDancing. @skippydo. @ComeBackPeterComeBackPaul

if I could give you some advice about Stylebook. Don’t be like me and spend hours photographing every single item in your wardrobe and then trying to erase the background (because you want it to look super clean.) It’s incredibly labour intensive. Find an image of the item online or a similar item. It only has to represent the item in your wardrobe and it doesn’t matter if it’s not exact. If it’s quite unusual or distinctive but not recently bought try searching on Google lens and it will bring up the closest items. Finally record the date / year you buy / bought an item because it’s really enlightening to see what lasts.

KeeeeeepDancing · 13/01/2024 11:00

Oh thanks Divebar.
It's £5 on the apple App Store, one off fee. No add from what I can see so far.

Excited as I've always wanted this app and I couldn't be bothered to write it myself

skippydo · 14/01/2024 08:17

Dive bar, you are a genius... I photographed a couple of tops and even I couldn't work out which ones they were

Searchingformystyle · 14/01/2024 11:41

What a great thread! I have read through all the posts over the past couple of days and feel it will totally change my approach to shopping.

Like several other posters, I have lost my way style wise since the pandemic. I used to love clothes, wearing mainly colourful a-line dresses, and dresses in nice prints, always just below the knee with an extensive collection of irregular choice shoes (not the crazy ones with Disney characters etc, mainly mid height heeled, sequinned or glittery in a range of colours). People always complimented my clothes, and friends/colleagues sent me links/pics of things they thought were ‘me’ so it felt like I had a definite style.I rarely wore jeans, and if I did it was skinnies with a Breton top and jersey blazer.

Since March 2020 I have WFH and become a bit of a hermit, spending all
my time working, gardening and walking the dog, living in black leggings and Breton tops. I have piled on the weight (I’m 3 dress sizes bigger and the heaviest I have ever been 😭). I can count on three fingers the times I have worn an heeled shoe! Unfortunately I was made redundant at the end of last year, and am taking a break to decide what to do next. This has led me to wanting to spend this time improving myself, and getting back to me. I am working on weight loss but with the joys of peri menopause it’s so much harder!

I’m now 47 and have essentially skipped my whole mid 40s, which feels like a big shift style wise. Of course, none of my pre pandemic dresses fit, and possibly won’t again, and even if they did, I feel like that was the “old me” style and now I would look a bit “try hard”. I’m too large now to buy the same styles in a bigger size (I would feel enormous) and my lifestyle now doesn’t fit. I’ve definitely lost some confidence along the way.

I’d really like to be more elegant and put together at home, and find it easy to translate that to occasional lunches/dinners out without having to panic buy something every time I get an invite. However I find an elegant, classic style difficult with my body shape/size. I am an hourglass (broad shouldered rather than large of nork) and currently am very out of shape - mis-shapen really! Now a size 18 (uk) and super conscious of large upper arms, tummy overhang, enormous hips, large thighs and calves. Attractive huh?! Elegant clothes just don’t hang right on my short, dumpy frame. I have never suited t shirts, skirts, shirts/blouses or trousers.

I’m gradually selling all my old dresses on Vinted and feel like I’m saying a sad goodbye to a great time of my life style wise and would really like to find a new
era of “me” but this is hanging on me losing a lot of weight and getting to a size/shape that gives me confidence again.

I have started my pursuit of elegance in the meantime by having my “colours done”
(I’m a light spring) and adding to my bag collection, with a lovely Coach tabby bag, and would really like to add a Mulberry this year.

Sorry for my long ramble, this is a great post and I have learned a lot. If anyone has any tips to help me find my new style I would love any input 🙏

ilovepineapplesreally · 14/01/2024 13:29

I'm also loving this thread, thank you OP! A PP mentioned the instagram account 'whattowearfor' and I have to say I have become mildly obsessed and for the last few days have definitely felt I'm coordinating my outfits much better, and feeling more polished with what I already have.

What I'd like to know is how to achieve this 'effortless coordination' in the summer when I tend to wear a dress and sandals. I love how the account WTWF puts neutrals together with pops of colour so I am really maximising what I have, but how does that work in the summer with less items being worn at a time? How to achieve that look?

I've also bitten the bullet and listed a few things on vinted that aren't adding value to my wardrobe and I don't need.

Thank you all :)

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