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Thanks to S&B, I'm finally winning in the "pursuit of elegance."

524 replies

LavenderHills · 17/01/2020 03:08

I'm about to write a very long post about how the Style and Beauty board has helped me revolutionise my wardrobe! There's no one else in my life who is really interested in this stuff, so I've got to debrief here Smile

I have always enjoyed the threads about how to look polished or "expensive", but in my own life I've been an impulsive bargain shopper and the result was a wardrobe full of clothes but a feeling of never looking as put-together as I wanted. Last year, I decided I was going to change this and take a planned, intentional approach to my wardrobe, spending more money on less items. I know the classic, polished look is not everyone's cup of tea, but it was what I wanted, and I also wanted to shop more sustainably and buy things that would last for years and not go out of style.

Starting at the beginning of July 2019, I allocated myself a weekly sum that I was allowed to spend on clothes an accessories (100AUD per week, so about £52), added up what the total would be over the course of a full year, and then created a list of everything I thought I would need- shoes, clothes, underwear etc- to feel polished and put together. I spent a lot of time researching exactly which items I wanted and how much they cost, put it all in a spreadsheet so I could see what the total was, and eventually ended up with a list that used up 90% of the overall budget, with 10% left over for "extra" items and a list of what I might want those extras to be (new sunglasses, for instance.)

A lot of the items on my list were "boring" things that I wouldn't impulse-purchase on a fun shopping trip, and were more expensive than I'd be able to buy if I was just spending my £52 per week in an ad hoc manner on whatever I pleased. Examples include really comfortable black leather ballet flats that I can walk for miles in, and a black leather shoulder bag with a zipper and the perfect strap length. I had to save my allocated money each week, and then make a purchase when I had accumulated enough to buy the next item on the list.

I'm now almost seven months into my year of planned purchases and I can't believe what a difference it's made! For the first time in my entire life, I feel like I have the appropriate things to wear for every occasion, and it's really easy to get dressed and feel polished and elegant. Instead of cheap, fun party dresses or eleven million cute tops that don't go with anything else I own, I can now get dressed for, say, a casual brunch in jeans and a t-shirt that fit me perfectly, are made out of quality fabrics and beautifully cut. I have the right casual shoes to go with them, and a bra underneath that fits properly. My bag is a lovely, soft leather and fits the occasion, my earrings are understated but solid gold, and it all works well together without me having to think much about it. All of the "boring" purchases have added up to a wardrobe that works well for my actual life.

I can't see myself ever going back. I no longer make impulse purchases, and I find that quite calming. I can walk past shops without being tempted by a cheap bargain pair of shoes, because I know it's not on my list and the things that ARE on my list are the things I really want and will use. I don't shop in sales unless something on my list goes on sale.

I'm already brainstorming what will go on the next list once this first twelve months is up. Having pared back my wardrobe and bought the basics I need, I feel like the next step is saving up for some investment pieces, maybe only buying three or four items a year once I've replaced things that have worn out. I'm dreaming of bespoke coats and antique earrings!

None of this is rocket science, but I wanted to share it in case anyone else is like me and wants a bit of inspiration about how to make a change.

OP posts:
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moregarlic · 29/11/2021 14:23

@Pigtailsandall I’d love to hear what sort of stuff you’ve gone for, I’m at a similar stage of life.

Well after exchanging them for another size, my Solovairs are AMAZING! An excellent start. How’s everyone getting in?

InPraiseOfLadyGrey · 29/11/2021 14:51

@EssexLioness your StitchFix box sounds great. I like vintage fashion too.

@moregarlic I've had success to an extent. I haven't cut down on what I've bought this year, but I've shopped differently.

I started out buying stand alone items and like everyone else, finding I had "nothing to wear" because it didn't go together. In recent years I switched to buying outfits and the "missing parts" for the stand alone items. I shop for a hobby really, but I'm reaching the point of having no more space.

For the last few months I've been shopping for outfits but the criteria was they must also mix and match with at least some of what I already had, so I spent more time working out outfits and less time buying things.

I also needed some winter pyjamas (it's cold here!) and my old ones were threadbare, but instead of buying new I decided to repurpose some cozy soft sweatshirts and joggers that I hardly ever wear. This is a big deal for me, I never would have done this before. It feels good to have reduced my carbon footprint by shopping my own wardrobe this time.

Next year I'm going to start a big challenge to limit myself to one purchase per month, which will feel like cutting off a limb! It'll make me consider where those 12 items fit into my wardrobe, which outfits they improve, how many things they match with and force me to get creative with what I already have, instead of browsing the websites whenever I'm bored. My wardrobe is already looking more cohesive and less like a bunch of random outfits in various different styles.

Blossomtoes · 29/11/2021 16:03

Great thread. Place marking for future reference.

Seashell1234 · 19/12/2021 19:22

This is such a great thread. Great ideas for the summer sales!

LavenderHills · 19/12/2021 22:10

I love getting notifications that new people have found this thread- I never expected it to go on for so long!

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LavenderHills · 19/12/2021 22:17

Also, I would like to mount a defence of silk and cashmere, which lots of posters seem to think they could never wear. I'm here to report that these natural fibres are more resilient than you think, and in my experience are fine to wear around children and pets! You just need a good washing machine with a proper hand wash setting and some gentle detergent; then you can ignore the dry cleaning instructions and enjoy wearing lovely, breathable, luxurious fabrics.

I mean, maybe don't go for a white silk dress if you have small children, but a dark cashmere turtleneck? A jewel-coloured silk blouse? They're washable! More than a match for sticky fingers and muddy paws. You're welcome Smile

OP posts:
Bumblebeefriend · 28/12/2021 19:32

@InPraiseOfLadyGrey, great idea to look at buying just one item per month

Great thread

FormerlySpeckledyHen · 28/12/2021 21:04

This should be in classics , it’s such a great thread .

How do they get there ?

MercedesBenz · 29/12/2021 17:52

I remember your thread from when you first started it , just re read all your posts
I have applied your approach to some of my clothing … but more about plugging gaps
I always wanted to wear midi dresses but could never decide on shoes …. So beautiful black suede slouchy boots ( and in the sale ) I probably paid what I would expect to pay £75 for big standard cheapo boots but original price was £150 and i 💕 them .

LavenderHills · 05/01/2022 10:25

I've talked a lot on this thread about settling for nothing less than the "perfect" version of the thing you want, but I CANNOT seem to find my new Summer Date Night Dress.

I'm after a black dress with thin straps and a scoop or sweetheart neckline, body skimming but not too tight, falling below the knee but no longer than mid-calf. Ideally in silk or a silk blend.

I shall wear this dress with red lipstick and jewelled flats. I shall drink wine and eat dessert, which will preferably be followed by lovely, marriage-sustaining sex.

BUT MY DRESS IS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND!

I have looked at hundreds of black dresses online. They're either too long, or too short, or have too much of a dramatic slit up the side, or too many embellishments.

The closest thing I can find is this one from H&M, but I want a more luxe fabric with a bit of a sheen to it.

Has my system finally failed me? Sad

Thanks to S&B, I'm finally winning in the "pursuit of elegance."
Thanks to S&B, I'm finally winning in the "pursuit of elegance."
OP posts:
SueblueNZ · 05/01/2022 22:18

@LavenderHills
Too long is easy - just get it taken up at an alterations place.
Alternatively, have a dressmaker create the dress of your dreams.

HotelRoomforOne · 06/01/2022 01:47

Love your post, great ideas here. I'm also doing one purchase a month I have really lost my way, cloths wise, after 3 children.
I know that the best thing I could do would be to give up online clothes shopping altogether and go into a shop to TRY THINGS ON. But I just can't see this happening, with my life.

Fot summer date dress, what about something from silk laundry?
silklaundry.com.au/products/spaghetti-strap-dress-black

LavenderHills · 06/01/2022 10:28

Aha! I have FOUND it!

Thanks @HotelRoomforOne for your excellent suggestion, which reminded me to look at retailers specialising in silk. There are several that make cute little camisoles and 90s-style slip dresses, but I was hoping for something with a tiny bit more structure.... and I finally found this lovely slip midi dress with a built in bra. Perfect length, fit, neckline and fabric, without the "wait, is this just underwear?" feel of some other versions.

Hooray for me Smile

www.lilysilk.com/us/elegant-bra-in-silk-midi-dress.html?cs=catalogimagehref

Thanks to S&B, I'm finally winning in the "pursuit of elegance."
OP posts:
HotelRoomforOne · 06/01/2022 10:39

That's great @LavenderHills. Will you let us know how the quality of the silk is? I have long been curious about Lilysilk, as it seems more affordable than other sites, with a good range.
I saw a code.for 15% off Lilysilk, it was giedre15, not sure if it's still valid though..

HebeMumsnet · 10/01/2022 11:29

Morning, everyone. This thread has had several nominations to be moved to Classics so we'll shift it over now.

mscynical · 10/01/2022 13:36

I was going to suggest Wheels and Dollbaby but maybe not so much elegant as sexy!
www.wheelsanddollbaby.com/boutique/dress

Stylewannabee · 19/01/2022 05:46

I’d also love to know how it goes with the lily skilk. I’ve been eyeing up a blouse for a while now.

LavenderHills · 20/01/2022 01:48

I will definitely provide an update on the Lilysilk dress when I get it, but that probably won't be for a few months. It's not the highest priority item on my 2022 list.

Also, I've just realised we've been moved to Classics, which is lovely Smile

OP posts:
LavenderHills · 20/01/2022 01:50

@mscynical That Wheels and Dollbaby dress is not my style, but I can appreciate the amazing structure!

OP posts:
LavenderHills · 20/01/2022 02:08

In my mind, this is me on the aforementioned date night. I can't be doing with that low a neckline, though. I'd be distracted all night, checking to make sure everything was still where it was meant to be! Blush

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BoreOfWhabylon · 20/01/2022 02:57

I have lurked intermittently on this thread since the beginning. You are an inspiration @LavenderHills.

Congratulations on your well-deserved Classic status!

LovelyYellowLabrador · 31/01/2022 00:34

Well done lav 👏👏

Feff7 · 06/02/2022 08:33

Just found this thread-it's fabulous! Totally inspired to rake out my wardrobe and plan outfits for different parts of my life.Have started to buy more ethical,longer lasting clothing by buying Grenson boots and loafers in the sale and a bright blue fisherman knit from Finisterre clothing.Love Community Clothing too but the trousers I want are always sold out in my size! Bought some beautiful dresses a few years ago from a Finnish brand,Papu,which still look good but like many,kind of lost my way during lock down.Currently looking for the perfect trousers/jeans=wide leg,crop,but finding it difficult to find at 5 ft! Love Uniqlo/Marimekko collaborations and have some lovely summer dresses,but need cardis and sandals to make them work.Love the helpful,friendly vibe on here! Off to purchase the Petite Parisian in tan! So looking forward to seeing how everyone gets on planning their perfect wardrobe!

MadameSapphire · 06/02/2022 09:02

Hoorah! Welcome @Feff7! 👋🏼 It actually fills me with joy and inspiration every time someone posts and reactivates this fantastic thread...

Feff7 · 06/02/2022 10:09

Thank you,,MadamSapphire! A lovely welcome!💖