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Original poster

Your most batshit parenting moments?

261 replies

Hassled · 22/11/2019 21:18

For some reason today I remembered the MNer years ago who confessed to squirting no-tears shampoo directly into her eye to make sure it really was no-tears before using it on her baby.

I think my equivalent is probably banning DH ( who seriously loves The Cure) from ever playing Boys Don't Cry in case the DSs grew up thinking boys don't cry. The ban was in place for a solid 15 years.

Anyone else looking back and wincing at themselves?

OP posts:
Kokapetl · 22/11/2019 21:25

The no flushing the toilet after the baby is asleep rule. To be fair though it did seem to wake the baby up and it was pretty had to get that one to resettle. Second child could, of course, sleep through anything!

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 22/11/2019 21:27

We had to hide under the table on a train whilst going through Wimbledon Station because DS was scared of Wombles.

He 16 now and appears to be over it...

Original poster
Hassled · 22/11/2019 21:30

I've never heard of a fear of Wombles before but now you say it I can see that they're pretty damn menacing :o.

No flushing isn't batshit. There's a logic there, I reckon.

OP posts:
dappledsunshine · 22/11/2019 21:32

I absolutely freaked out when we were on holiday with ds1 who was about 9 months old.

We were in a pool which had a lazy river, he was in my arms and the current started taking us round a bend, I couldn't see what was past the bend and started yelling at dh to pull us back in case we got swept down into a white water rapid scenario.

Dh eventually managed to hoist us back to safety, people around us looking at me like Hmm I then gave him the baby and swab round the bend to see what was there only to discover a lovely gentle shallow floaty stream, the clue was in the name lazy river Blush

dontlickthelamp · 22/11/2019 21:34

A bit like @TheLightSideOfTheMoon, but whenever we go under a bridge on a bus we all have to duck down to the floor as DD2 is scared the bus won’t go under

Tiredmum21 · 22/11/2019 21:38

I told my husband he shouldn't make eye contact with my DD when she was baby and he went settle her back to sleep at night.. i'd read it in some book.. he told me it was really hard when she was staring right at him! I really cringe when i think back to this!

Stroan · 22/11/2019 21:42

DDs hair started to fall out at 5 months. I wouldn't let DH wash it or touch it for weeks Blush

namestar · 22/11/2019 21:43

When I asked DS P1 (reception) teacher how intelligent he was in rank of order amongst his classmates. Blush WTAF was I thinking????

nbee84 · 22/11/2019 21:53

The 1st time I put dd in the baby swing at the park I secured her in with reins Blush

Boristhecats · 22/11/2019 21:58

I was a nanny to many babies and children for years before I had my own. Seen all the batshit crazy things before. Realised they were mad and didn’t do anything like that with mine. Grin

APeakyBlinder · 22/11/2019 22:00

When DS was about 3 days old we took him in the garden for the first time, then we saw a bee so we went back inside pronto 😂

GorgeousLadyofWrestling · 22/11/2019 22:02

When I had my first DC, the first time I took him out in the buggy, I stood outside Sainsbury’s for a good twenty minutes because I suddenly wasn’t sure if you were allowed to bring buggies and prams in Blush

I was genuinely doubting myself and basically hung around outside until I saw another parent go in.

Sparklingbrook · 22/11/2019 22:03

Using cooled boiled water and cotton wool balls for nappy changes with PFB and the top and tail bowl thing.

DC2-straight to wipes.

Fatted · 22/11/2019 22:04

When I listened to Rihanna and Calvin Harris on repeat for the entirety of two hour journey on the M62 rush hour traffic because it stopped my eldest crying as a baby.

Actually pretty much the entire first four months of his life and my constant battle to get him to nap and sleep in the day was just one prolonged spell of batshit craziness.

OhioOhioOhio · 22/11/2019 22:04

Omg. I love this thread!!!

Imyellingtimber · 22/11/2019 22:06

My friend genuinely had to show me how she brought her newborn to the supermarket. Her DD was a few weeks older so she'd been out and about more. I literally didn't know what to do with my baby!

TooMinty · 22/11/2019 22:08

Yes to the cooled boiled water and cotton wool for nappy changes...

Babybel90 · 22/11/2019 22:08

Asking the optician the do an eye test on a six month old because DH wears glasses.

TooMinty · 22/11/2019 22:09

And also yes to straight to wipes for second baby!

Thebestdays · 22/11/2019 22:11

@APeakyBlinder That is the sweetest yet funniest thing I've heard in a while. 🐝

I remember taking my new born for a walk in his off road buggy on a stony bumpy path and turning back as I thought he was going to get "shaky baby" syndrome with the wobbly pram...he was fast asleep and probably loving the wobbly motion 😬😬

NannyPear · 22/11/2019 22:14

I waited about 5 days before taking DS2 outside. Took about half an hour to get everyone and the pram organised. I got to the end of the street and decided there was too much of a breeze so we all went back home.

MissSmiley · 22/11/2019 22:14

I was out with my pfb in the pram and came across the smell of a bonfire, so I changed route so as not to damage his lungs

moobar · 22/11/2019 22:16

Oh I love these threads.

Three stick out for me, the shampoo one mentioned. The lady who got inside her pram and made her us and put the rain over on and hose it it check it was waterproof. Finally, the lady who drove to a and e every time she introduced a new food, no allergies just in case. I actually see the logic in it but it makes me smile now.

I don't know for me, I was so so sleep deprived I was crazy. Dh won't change her directly in the changing mat in case her bum gets cold....he puts a towel down.

Fruityb · 22/11/2019 22:17

Not knowing what to do when I went for a wee on my first day at home alone when DS was a newborn and DH went back after paternity.

I took him with me and peed with him in my arms. Like I couldn’t put him down. No idea. Did it this once and this once only!

Also freaking out if he wouldn’t sleep at the same time as it meant he clearly wouldn’t sleep and we’d all be screwed.

I do wish I could go back and enjoy it more without reading all the shit I did!

moobar · 22/11/2019 22:17

God iPad had a mind of its own.

Made her DH put the rain over on and hose her