Your most batshit parenting moments?

[Hassled]

For some reason today I remembered the MNer years ago who confessed to squirting no-tears shampoo directly into her eye to make sure it really was no-tears before using it on her baby.

I think my equivalent is probably banning DH ( who seriously loves The Cure) from ever playing Boys Don't Cry in case the DSs grew up thinking boys don't cry. The ban was in place for a solid 15 years.

Anyone else looking back and wincing at themselves?

It was such a brilliant example of new mum logic

I know, it made perfect sense at the time !

PFB arrived during a very hot summer. The nursery thermometer was off the scale, I remember being so worried about it and stressing to the midwife that I couldn't turn the weather outside down.

I also remember having a massive tantrum to my mum about why my fucking sister had thought it was a good idea to visit when we had a cold, did she not realise she could oass the germs on?!! He was about two at the time and at nursery three days a week, cold germs should have been the least of my worries when you think about the cesspit that is a toddler room at nursery

when she

Oh god thinking about this and they’re all coming back to me

I packed the baby’s hospital bag for DC2, learning from the first time I co ordinated the outfits together in the bag so the grey elephant hat was next to the grey elephant sleep suit, numpty DH managed to get the navy elephant hat and the grey sleepsuit so the first pics of me holding him and all I can still notice is that the hat doesn’t match

I remember reading on here a few years ago about a poster who would put the wet wipes on the radiator to warm up before she used them on her baby

Telling then do to wash all the baby stuff as soon as he got home from the hospital after and 8 week prem birth, and when we did actually go home (4 weeks later) making a meds chart similar to the one we had in scbu for meds. Although I don't think the second was batshit as dd was on 2 hour mixed feeds with some meds needing time space between them and me and then dp tag teaming

I did lots of loopy things, including completely losing my shit with the sun in a minor heatwave; we're talking shaking my fist at it and swearing and threatening it in an incoherent rage. I felt it was shining too strongly on my baby in her pram. She had sunscreen on, the pram had an angled sunshade and we lived in not exactly tropical Northumberland.

I do find these threads so very touching though. The raw love and protective instinct of the new parent. You forget just how hard it hits you.

The most batshit crazy I felt was when DS was only a couple of weeks old, he had mild reflux. He'd just had a bottle then thrown up some but it looked really dramatic so I think it traumatised meHe then settled down and fell asleep in my arms. I cried because he looked too stillI don't even know what that means!

I’ve posted these before but these threads are always worth joining in for a laugh.

Took the bloody gro-egg room thermometer EVERYWHERE with us, until DS was at least 18 months. I remember a weekend away in a B&B in Wales when I panicked because there weren’t enough sockets to plug it in. Because obviously I’d lost the ability to judge ambient temperature and DS might have frozen or overheated without me noticing....

Also the time I called NHS Direct (as it was) because newborn DS had been asleep for 5 hours and the HV had told me should be feeding every 4 hours. What a neurotic twat I was!

I drank a big gulp of bubble mixture after 1 year old DS licked the bottle - had already googled to see it wasn't toxic but wanted to make sure if he had any problems that I would know because I'd have them too

I did feel sick all night (they taste horrific). He, however, was fine

Putting my finger under DS's nose every 5 minutes while he slept to make sure he was still breathing

Using the thermometer to check the bath temperature and needlessly adding hot and cold water for ages to get it to the very exact temperature, not even 0.1 of a degree out because he would burn or freeze if I didn't do it correctly in my mind

This is my best one. I bought a really good car seat but still, I put a doll and 2 bottles of water into the car seat that weighed what DS weighed. I then drove around a car park doing emergency stops to see if the doll slid out of the seat/got the harness caught round it etc to ensure it was safe enough!

This was all 3 years a go and tonight I watched my 3 year old DS eat a cracker he found under the microwave... yup, I've calmed down now!

I lost count of the times I put my hand on sleeping baby's tummy while he was asleep to check he was breathing. Only to wake him up.

I used to leave written instructions for DH when he was looking after the baby if I went out for a couple of hours

I was given a copy of GF by a colleague.
I actually did iron DD cot sheets to achieve a smooth finish.
Just the once mind...

I did the sheets, went for a pee, looked at myself in the mirror and had a word with myself....

Also I used to make her dad put a towel undoher bum for changes, but I made him go upstairs and warm it by blasting the hairdryer first....

I saved examples of not only locks of hair, but early toe and fingernail clippings, bits of cradle cap and the bit of umbilical cord of pfb. Mainly for nostalgia reasons but in a particularly sleep deprived state i did wonder whether we would be able to clone him in future if the worst ever happened.

I then did the same for ds2 - less batshit but in case he feels left out when he's older

Glad i’m not the only one who fretted over bumpy pram rides. I did a lot of pushing DD on just the single front wheel to minimise jolting on dog walks, bonkers but had fantastic upper arms from it.

Co-sleeping with DD when she was about 9 months old I tried to lift her over me for a feed on the other boob and panicked because her sleeping bag was over her head. Except it wasn’t, I was holding her upside down. She was fine, just a bit confused.

Tipped her three-wheeler buggy over when she was about that age too. Having a nice picnic, and leant on the front to stand up, luckily she was buckled in.

Taking a towel with me to the supermarket every time to act as a cushion for DD while sitting in the trolley.
Taking DD to a large park for the first time with friends and refusing to sit with her on the grass in case a dog ran over and sniffed near her and I couldn’t jump us both up to safety in time.
Regularly pulling over during fairly short (no more than half an hour) journeys because DD was crying so I would pull over and jump in the back to give her a cuddle and a boob rather than let her cry for a few minutes until we got home.
I could go on all day!

I Had a panic when DC1 was about 3mths, he had a black ‘void’ in the top of his palate. I started panicking and hyperventilating, then a rational thought of, if something had been wrong they’d have seen it at the hospital. It was a piece of paper stuck up there grin]

The first time we took the PFB aka DS1 outside it was January 2012. He was the first born grandchild. MIL was visiting. BIL who lives around the corner was over on a Saturday morning. PFB was maybe two weeks old. It took us 30 mins to get ready. It is not clear why. Then we began to walk down the road. BIL brandishing his flash new camera and taking pictures of this sleeping baby every 45 seconds. Every minute or so we stopped to make sure he was fine. MIL told us that despite the buggy shade being pulled over him (and it being a not very sunny London January morning) she was worried about the angle of the sun on the PFB’s face. So she decided to walk at a particular angle to the buggy to offer him protection.

So that was us- me, DH, BIL and camera and MIL walking at a funny angle, all walking very slowly with PFB. We went around the block twice. And came back home.

DS2 did the school run in a sling the day after he came home from hospital. 😳😳😳😳😳

DS is ASD and would only learn to swim with me pretending he was Woofie the dog. I had to be the Mummy dog Woofo. He would swim doggie paddle woofing like a dog to me and I had to give him pretend bones and cuddles.

One time I looked up and noticed another Mum from primary was watching us

First snow wanting pictures, I wrapped up the 14month old, in about million layers-literally 5 hats, 4 coats and my adult blanket
Said child is now an adult and regularly braves the snow living in Toronto, with a barely a coat!!!
Same child, at 10yrs old wanted to walk to school alone, I was super paranoid.
Not my proudest moment but I casually followed them home, hiding (behind actual trees) generally behaving like a idiot!
In my defence I was quite young ish and this was not my child (family member)but one I was entrusted with(parents did not care), so felt I had to go the extra mile.

Though the child did everything I told them, looked properly before crossing, mindful of the surrounding and walked with purpose! I felt strangely proud!!!

I have many more-I used to always eat a bit of the fruit that I was giving, to make sure the fruit was not off or too sour.

Too many to mention, I really did set the neighbourhood high benchmark for hyper-vigilance. It would actually have been nice for someone to have become concerned about me and tried to get me some help, but oh well. Once DD turned 3 I saw it in myself and went to my GP, who got me on a path to better mental health.

But more lightheartedly, I swear I didn’t wear sunglasses or perfume for the first 4 years of DD’s life, because I wanted her to be able to properly see my eyes and smell my proper ‘mummy comfort’ smell.

Pretty much no makeup either, so she’d never have to see me wince away from her touching/kissing my face.

Wish I could laugh more about it now- truth is I still think they are good ideas (which I absolutely took too far).