Your most batshit parenting moments?

[Hassled]

For some reason today I remembered the MNer years ago who confessed to squirting no-tears shampoo directly into her eye to make sure it really was no-tears before using it on her baby.

I think my equivalent is probably banning DH ( who seriously loves The Cure) from ever playing Boys Don't Cry in case the DSs grew up thinking boys don't cry. The ban was in place for a solid 15 years.

Anyone else looking back and wincing at themselves?

[shouldhavecalleditoatabix]

Excellent post. I was obsessed with routines too and Gina Ford. She had me frantically expressing between feeds and obsessing over the thickness, colour and quantity of my expressed breast milk. I was pureeing vegetables I've never even eaten for weaning times and DD1 didn't touch chocolate until she was well past 18mths. We had a 'bedtime routine' with soft lighting, peaceful music, bath, story and feed and woe betide anyone or anything that got in the way of it!!

She never slept well (probably because of all the lights and music and rocking and attention!) and we spent many hours stroking and patting her and as she got a bit older, holding her hand through the cot bars. DD2 got none of this as I was still bloody pandering to DD1! It came to a head one night when I put DD2 back to bed around 2am after night feed (having stayed awake waiting for said feed because what's the point of going to bed early just to wake up 2 hours later?!) only to find DD1 up and waiting for me. I was so utterly exhausted I refused to pat/stroke/stay any longer (she was nearly 4) and in the end I found her curled up on the floor by my bed in the morning. (Talk about guilt!)

Cue several weeks of her sleeping on a duvet and pillow on the floor next to me before she got bored of that and realised her bed was a far comfier option!

I also find it hilarious that I would be so precise about sterilising bottles but would whip out a breast with nipple gel and fluff from the breast pads which probably had old milk crust added in for good measure and jab it in her mouth. Ain't nothing sterile about that!

[Passmethecrisps]

These are brilliant. It’s a wonder any of us are in one piece to tell the tale!

One which makes me cringe was being on holiday on the south of France with my inlaws when dd was maybe 18 months old. It was hot and she was thirsty and had drunk all the water in the bottle I brought. My wonderful MIL skipped into a shop and returned with a bottle of mineral water. For reasons I genuinely don’t recall I insisted that it had to be Evian as I had googled that it was lower in sulfates. My DH was perplexed and tried reasoning with me but I kept wittering on about salt. My MIL without any further comment purchased a bottle of Evian. It still makes me absolutely cringe.

[HuloBeraal]

Ah I have remembered another one. DS’s second Christmas. He was nearly 2. I bought him a tea set and some chopping fruit stuff. Unbeknownst to me (because we hadn’t discussed it) my lovely sister had also bought a tea set for him. She’s a lovely auntie and we have a fab relationship. I cried when the gifts were opened. She rolled her eyes at me a bit. I was such a dickhead about it all and huffed and puffed. God I am cringing thinking about the whole ‘but I wanted to give him his first tea set’ tantrum I had. Her own kids were well into their teens by then so she was quite indulgent of my lunacy.

[Betteb]

I was 18 when I had my first DC and it was at the time when SIDS was on TV a lot during my pregnancy. I was so utterly paranoid that even though I had followed all the advice r.e. mattress, no cot bumper, sleeping with toes touching bottom of the cot etc... that I slept with the cot right beside my side of the bed and my arm through the cot bars with my hand on her stomach for 18months!!!!! I was knackered, thankfully calmed down a bit for DC2 & 3

[AndNoneForGretchenWieners]

I got so used to walking on the road side when DS started walking so that he was less likely to be injured if a car mounted the pavement, that I carried on do it. Last week we were in London and DS (a strapping 19 year old built like a brick shithouse and nearly a foot taller than me) laughed at me when I tried to make him swap places so he was in the"safe" position

[CellarFloor]

During the last heat wave I googled hotels with air conditioning near to me hysterically in the middle of the night, convinced DD would overheat (despite her being sound asleep next to me, and generally coping pretty well with the heat). Became all the more hysterical that there was only one hotel in our town that had a/c and the website wouldn't let me book it for that night as it was past midnight.

[Em8725]

I gave my PFB a bath, I was so insanely scared of doing it, I’d made my mum do it up until this point. She was 4 weeks old, I bathed her, sloshed water across her face by accident. She screamed, I started hysterically wailing, got her out of the bath and wrapped her in all the clothes I was wearing whilst hysterically calling to my mum that I’d drowned her, and then stayed awake for a full 48 hours checking for signs of secondary drowning. My mum looked a bit worried because I’d gone batshit. She was repeating over and over that my baby was fine, but I couldn’t be convinced. I even phoned my other half in tears. It turns out my mum had phoned him first and told him there was nothing to worry about, but to give him credit where it’s due, he stayed on the phone listening and reassuring me. I then accused them all of not caring enough. Being a mum makes you batshit I’m sure 😂

[tiredvommachine]

This thread is making me smile and feel sad in equal measure. I had PND and this is bringing back a lot of the irrational things I did with DS, despite already having a much older DD (15 year gap). I still don't think I've truly got over the damage it did. I should have just got a dog

[hangonamo]

@AndNoneForGretchenWieners
My 81 yr old father still does this to me in my late 40s

[Mrsmummy90]

When I came home with dd1, I felt so overwhelmed and felt I couldn't be away from her for even a second and starting panicking about how I'd ever get a shower again! I genuinely didn't know what to do with her.
It never occurred to me that dh could watch her while I was in the bathroom. 🙄

[Mrsmummy90]

Also I used an app to document every single feed/nappy/bath/sleep of pfb. I felt I had to monitor her routines and wanted to see how long her feeds were and how often she was pooping etc. I did this for about 10 months.

With dd2 I did this for around 2-3 days and then cba.

[OfCourseICan]

Most batshit moment was when we gave DD peanut butter for the first time. DH had the spoon and I had the phone with 99 already dialled, finger poised over the dial pad ready to dial the last nine in case of allergic reaction! Yes younger parents, we had no mobiles back then...

[eternallybaffled]

I'm on DC4 now and still have the odd moment of insanity. We were out Christmas shopping last week and a family went by us in the aisle laughing at something their baby had done in the trolley. My DS (11m) laughed along with them and they never noticed. I was FURIOUS that they didn't acknowledge him. As far as I am concerned they really hurt his feelings 🥺

[yellowallpaper]

Warmed the baby wipes in the microwave as they were too cold to touch his bum

[PreschoolYes]

We did the write down feeds thing, probably for about a year! He was ff and it started as we were tired and clueless in the beginning we'd struggle to remember when he was last fed, despite feeding on demand.

Also, one of us sat in the back of the car with DS for longer than was, I suspect, necessary.

[LongLiveThePenis]

@Smellslikebiscuits I did similar, I told my husband that he wasn't allowed to blow on PFB's food in case because of oral bacteria. She also had no teeth at the time!
I also used to sing to her to stop her crying, very very loudly. Constantly. Our poor neighbours.

[HuloBeraal]

DC2 was in the NICU for 69 days as he was born prematurely. In the NICU they do record every feed and nappy change. They use PU for ‘passed urine’ and BO for ‘bowels open.’ I have a year long diary of when he PU and when he BO-ed. Even when I went back to work our nanny who had at that point looked after DS1 for 5 years joined in the madness unquestioningly. We had a Pediatrics follow up and the poor consultant asked me how much he was feeding and I whipped out my diary with all the NICU acronyms including EBM (expressed breast milk). She only looked a little surprised.
But then one day I was away somewhere and had forgotten the beloved diary. I was keeping these same notes on a sheet of paper and couldn’t remember the abbreviations PU and BO. I called up one of my NICU mum friends in hysterics and she reminded me. And also did not judge me because she too kept a similar diary for no good reason. Our kids are now 3 btw and doing fine and they have been discharged by the NHS! But yep I was only a little anal.

[mynameiscalypso]

I wanted to make a GP appt for DS because I was worried that his eyelashes were longer on one side than the other. My DH convinced me not to, thankfully.

[Iwantacookie]

First time I left ds1 with my dm he was 6 weeks old and I even left her the number of the dentist just in case. Obviously batshit as he had no teeth and wasnt even registered at a dentist at this point.

[OfCourseICan]

@mynameiscalypso That's the best ever!!

[Illstartexercisingtomorrow]

Oh God this is hilarious and cringe inducing at the same time, particularly because I’ve done so many.

PFB batshit-bingo anyone?

Here’s mine:

1. Thinking everyone would steal my baby
   
2. Warm water for wiping her bottom with cotton wool
   
3. No flushing at night
   
4. When I was changing her nappy I screamed when she wee’d (onto the nappy). My poor mother’s face as she came bursting into the room to see what emergency had occurred.
   
5. Written out lists for every hour of dds routine - given to competent adults who had raised several children of their own
   
6. And my personal favourite which sends batshit to a whole new level - constructing a bamboo and sheet cage to go around the cot when we stayed at MILs in case dd noticed she was not in her usual room. FML what was wrong with us!!!

[firstimemamma]

@Illstartexercisingtomorrow nice bingo, I was definitely guilty of 1 and 3! I did 2 but don't really understand how it's 'PFB batshit' though. It sounds sensible to me and my MIL to be did it with all 4 of her children.

[HuloBeraal]

2,3, and 5 here.

[RolytheRhino]

It sounds sensible to me and my MIL to be did it with all 4 of her children.

Yep. Did it with my first, will with any other kids. Don't think it's PFB to consider the comfort of tiny newborns (or the risk of allergies-no joke). Run a cold tap on your tissue paper before each wipe next time you go to the toilet and see how you like it.